I was terrified when I found out an assassin for hire was after me. And my fears were realized today, when a super anonymous person sent a super anonymous package to my super anonymous lair. Yes, I live in a lair.
As I caustically opened the package, I finally understood everything. My life flashed before my eyes. Why me? I thought to myself. I looked down, and loudly exclaimed "3,2,1 fuck it" and opened the package.