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Toilet Games: Hits and Misses


With a plethora of games to choose from on mobile platforms such as iOS and Android, as well as the ever increasing popularity of these amongst both gamers and developers, it's becoming extremely hard to escape gaming; the majority of people down your street will be doing it and it's become a mainstream pastime not only in the home but out and about as well, thanks to the extremely accessible titles smartphone gaming has brought us.

Thanks to your iPhone, your Android or even your Blackberry, you can play games on the train, whilst walking down the street, whilst waiting for your food in a restaurant, or even on the toilet. There is however one difference between gaming on the toilet, and gaming elsewhere; no one really knows what to play. You can't exactly jump into a quick game of GTA: Chinatown Wars on your iPhone whilst taking a poo - you don't know how long it's going to take for your body to rid itself of waste and you might not even get chance to finish a mission! Angry Birds isn't perfect for it either, some of the later levels can be truly frustrating and the last thing you want whilst pooing is to be deep in thought about something else - especially when that something is flinging birds at a pile of glass, wood and pigs.

Equipped with an iPod Touch, a Samsung Galaxy S that runs on Android and a roll of loo paper, I've spent the last few days testing out a range of different games in order to answer the ever puzzling question; What game is best for the toilet? All in the name of science, of course.

Whenever you're on the bog, play these games. They're fun, easy to pick up, and you can get through a level or two in no time.

Game: Doodle Jump
Played on: iOS
Available on Android? Yes
Description:If you're reading this post, you've most likely heard of Doodle Jump. It involves the player tilting their device in order to guide a constantly jumping creature over tiny little platforms whilst, simultaneously, dodging monsters and other obstacles to prevent your character from falling to his death.
Why is it a good toilet game? The simple control scheme and use of your device's motion control means the game can be played single handedly with no worries; of course, this isn't necessary for a toilet game but if you are tight on time, you can carry on playing whilst you wipe. The game lacks levels, and instead takes the form of a 'beat the score' type competition, meaning you can jump straight into the game and can play as much or as little as you like over any time period.
Similar: Abduction, Abduction 2 (Like Doodle Jump, but with a cow)

Game: Angry Birds
Played on: Android
Available on iOS? Yes
Description:Angry Birds is another well known title, that I'm sure you will have heard about. There's not much to explain really - the aim of the game is to catapult the birds into a fort of pigs, in order to get revenge on the pigs because they stole an egg or something. Different birds do different things at a tap of the screen; some of them split themselves into three smaller birds, some get speed boosts and some explode. That kind of thing.
Why is it a good toilet game? The game has a simple, and clean visual style as well as a simple goal, meaning the game can be effortless to play, keeping enough of your brain focused on doing your poo, whilst reserving power for some of the harder levels which may require a substantially larger amount of thought.
Noteworthy Drawbacks: The game's level system means there's a fairly hefty amount of menus to go through before you can actually start flinging some birds; if you've misjudged the size of your business, you might find yourself reaching for the toilet roll before you've even started playing.

Game: Rocket Bunnies
Played on: Android
Available on iOS? No
Description: Rocket Bunnies isn't as popular as Angry Birds or Doodle Jump, but it uses a similar 'fun without fuss' style. You play as a bunny, who's riding a rocket and your mission is to fly your rocket around different sectors of space by tapping on a planet to move there, until you've collected all the other bunnies, who appear to be stranded in space. Your bunny will continue to orbit the planet it currently enhabits until you command it to move to the next one. Look out for spider bots though; they have a completely unexplained vendetta against the bunnies, and every single one of them is out to get you, following you from planet to planet until it hits you, unless you take it from behind and get it first.
Why is it a good toilet game? The simplicity of the game's goal allows you to quickly hop into one level before quitting moments later when you've done with your dump. Cute animation, a cartoony art style and pleasing sound effects add to the game's entertainment value, keeping you amused for the entire duration of your toilet time.
Noteworthy Drawbacks: Just like Angry Birds it can take a few moments to get through the menus, so maybe this one should be kept for those special, longer poos.

No matter what you do, don't play these whilst you poo; they're complicated, stressful and will make the experience more painful than it already is.

Game: GTA: Chinatown Wars
Played on: iOS
Available on Android? No
Description: You all know what GTA is, and I shouldn't have to explain. You steal cars, shoot people, complete missions, and drive around. This one has a top down camera similar to the original games.
Why is it a bad toilet game? The game's virtual buttons make it difficult to play at the best of times, never mind when you're on the bog - you'll have to concentrate extremely hard to play this one on the toilet and if you lose focus on what you're there for, you might have to leave and come back later for another go. Missions are lengthy, and you'll have to travel to get to them in the first place; if you're taking this long on the toilet then you should see a doctor.

Game: Fling
Played on: iOS
Available on Android? No
Description: Fling is a puzzle game, involving a board with multiple, different coloured furballs on. You have to fling one furball into the next in order to get all but one of them off the board. It may sound simple, but it's quite challenging at times.
Why is it a bad toilet game? The earlier puzzles would make for a great toilet game, but once you get to the later stages you'll have to really think about what you're doing, resulting in either you getting very frustrated, convincing your poo that it's not time to leave yet or a shortage of time, meaning you wont get anything done before it's time to get up off your throne.

Game: Pocket Legends
Played On: Android
Available on iOS? Yes
Description: Pocket Legends is a mobile MMO, set in a fantasy universe. Think of it as World of Warcraft on a smaller screen. You choose a race, and start life as your new character, completing quests and hitting people with swords. It's a very good game for a lengthy train ride, but it's not exactly suited for the toilet.
Why is it a bad toilet game? It's as simple as this: You can't just pick it up and start playing. If you're enjoying it, you'll really be enjoying it and you'll want to complete quest after quest after quest. You'll turn it on, you'll play it for hours on end and then you'll wake up in the morning, on the toilet seat, with crusty bits of poo stuck to your bum hairs.

Well, that's it as far as my toilet game do's and don'ts go but please drop a line in the comments section expressing your opinions on mobile gaming in the lavatory.
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About HuntingJakeone of us since 1:08 PM on 05.28.2009

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