OK, so now we know how a lot of people feel about Metroid Other M. I felt that way once, but it was eight years ago with Metroid Fusion. A lot of things change in eight years, which is why I've decided I'm going to interview myself from eight years go.
This will require a time machine, any will do. Any at all.
There we go.
Enter Location: Clemmons, NC
Enter Present Date: September 22, 2010
Enter Destination Date: November 22, 2002
OK, got the 1.21 gigawatts, just need the 88 mph.
All right, here we are. For the sake of the interview I'll be putting 2010 Me
in Bold text and 2002 Me
in Italics as I just don't feel like typing 2010 Me and 2002 Me a zillion times.
Greetings The Silent Protagonist of 2002! I am The Silent Protagonist of 2010! Great, so you're telling me I'm balding and fat eight years from now. Please tell me I got married at least, that would at least explain the fat. Is she hot? You know the rules, I can't reveal the future to you. I might change something. So what have you been playing? You're me, dumbass. Why are you even asking? I just finished Metroid Fusion and I'm working on Metroid Prime right now, which is totally awesome. And how do you feel about Metroid Fusion? It sucked, the story was OK, but I never want to play it again. And why do you feel it sucked? Too linear. Samus spoke. Please elaborate. Metroid is about vast, open worlds that you explore in complete silence. You decide the story for yourself. *stifles a "bullshit" while clearing his throat* The silence helps preserve the mystery of it all. Samus doesn't follow orders, she decides things on her own, she doesn't need to say anything. She's a badass. But she followed orders in Fusion all the same. Every bounty she takes a contract on has mission orders. In Fusion, she agreed to follow orders to get a new ship. Well, it still stupid she's following orders Gee, I guess it is stupid to behave like an adult. Additionally, all Metroid games are linear.... No, they're not. I assure you they are, or can you somehow skip Ridley before facing Mother Brain in Super Metroid? Can you face Ridley before Kraid? Fight Draygon before Phantoon? *sigh* OK, so they're linear, but I like the illusion of it being non-linear. You're starting to sound more like me, but what if I told you that you've played Metroid Fusion a dozen times by 2010? Would you do that if you really thought the game sucked? You're lying, I would never do that. But I'm you, I just played it again a month ago. Well, I'll make sure that doesn't happen, I'm gonna trade it in. That's fine, you'll buy it again. You rebuy things a lot because you are stupid with money and sell games you like. You really are me, aren't you? How many Metroid games will there be after these two? Eh, there have been five of them. Some are Prime sequels, others not. Did any of them suck worse than Fusion? That one on the DS kinda sucked. I liked the Pinball spin-off better What's a DS? I've said too much, I must go back to the future. The new Kirby game arrives soon! Why the fuck would I ever want a Kirby game? Because he's made of string. Holy shit, that is awesome!
I was so young, young and naive.
LOOK WHO CAME: