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CrazEboy7 is a thinker, kinda: Gears of War 3

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I'm a thinker. In my spare time, when I'm not working the sausage cart on Cocktease Beach, I'm always pondering. So in one of my longer brain sessions, I remembered the first game I bought for my 360. Gears of War. I even came up with a wishlist for it.

It remains on of my favorite games. I don't know if Epic takes this game seriously, but I don't. In a loving way of course. It and its sequel aptly titled Gears of War 2, are among my favorite games. But, I'm still mad that I bought the same dumb/awesome game twice.Gears of War is a stupid game. Buff dudes being manly and shooting things with their buffness from behind manly waist high cover.
But, that works well for me as a fun loving, dumb guy.
Gears of War 2 was also a dumb game. Yellow lava is stupid. But, I went out and bought it on it's release day...at midnight...on my birthday...like a drone. They didn't even have the crazy edition with the picture of Dom's wife(jerking material?) and the gold chainsaw.

I wanted my fucking digital gold chainsaw gun!

But, other than breaking my heart on my birthday, they delivered a game that was exactly the same as the first. Bigger, better and exactly the same.

So, for Gears 3, I need INNOVATION! And by innovation I mean Chainsaw pistols. Imagine dual-wielding them and putting a locust in a headlock and then blazing up your freehand chainsaw and tearing right through the locust dude's torso and shooting though him while using him as a "human" shield. That's AWESOME! Come across a vertical wall? Jam those chainsaw teeth into the wall, turn them on and up you go! MADNESS!

Hand to hand combat would be cool. Drop the guns for a level and go Jean-Claude Van Damme on their ASSES!

A section of level covered in oil or something and get some slide shooting happening. RAD!

Also, throw some motorcycles in there. Some fat rear tired choppers, made of steel and locust skin....and CHAINSAWZ!!!
Fuckin' BUTCH!
Think Road Rash with locust.

Plotwise-

-NEEDS MOAR GAY!

We have all seen the many, many....many blogs, comments, videos and photo shopped pictures about Marcus and Dom being gay for each other. People seem to really want them to be gay. I can't speak for everybody, but I want them to be gay. It's the right direction for Epic to go. I just think it would be cute.

Gears of War needs a love story and Marc and Dom is the only one I would believe at this point. Aside from Carmine and Death.

-NEEDS MOAR BEWBZ!

We can't alienate the fans of the series that are very macho and actually, not gay.

Gears 3 is going to have female soldiers in the new game with glimmering personality, brains, feelings and smart things to say(true story). They, should be sexualized anyway, just like in real life! It's kinda fucked up, but a hot female COG popping blind shots from behind cover while topless...YES PLEASE! (It would be tasteful, of course) Yes, I hate myself.

-SOME LOCUST AREN'T ASSHOLES???

OMFG!

There is this weird oppressive way that Gears doesn't let you see the other side of the battle. "They're bad because we say so!". Hmmm. I don't buy it. There's gotta be at least one locust that isn't a total goon and might be a cool guy to hang out with and maybe fall in love with a female COG. I'd buy that.

Also, on that note, I'd like to see some locust in a club...fistpumping to Freebird. I just want to see what they do in there spare time. Maybe they play video games?

...

Okay, so nothing I've written is innovative or clever. It's all been done before. Basically, I'm bored with the series and they need to sex it up, yo!

Last thing I want is a Herbert the pervert COG that would hit on some some 15 year old rebels(stranded?) that would probably be fighting in the war. That shit would make me laugh, on the regular.

What do you think party people?
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About CrazEboy7one of us since 4:19 AM on 08.25.2009

Hello there! My name is Chris. It's nice to meet you.

I am 25 years old and I have been playing games for my entire life. When I was one or two years old my mom would sit with me in front of the TV and help me play Atari. Actually, I might be making that up. I'm not sure, but it's definitely not far from the truth. I remember playing pac-man, and dig dug, and pong. Growing up, I've played through the NES, the Sega Genesis, PS 1,2,3, Gamecube, the XboX and the 360. I've played on more systems than that, but those are the most memorable. Games are something that have grown with me over the years and I'm always amazed by the progress of both.

I at once rode a motorcycle, I love to play ping pong, I'm not a virgin, I love high fives, I bounce between atheism and being agnostic. I celebrate holidays. I'm usually not a dick. I am also bi-sexual. I am mixed between black, puerto rican and some other stuff. I get laid rarely. That's on purpose. It's also not on purpose. I tend to break a lot of stereotypes, but not consciously. I am very open minded. And, I ponder things very often and I tend to get wrapped up in my own head. However, I love hearing anybody else's opinion unless it is purposely hurtful. Basically, I'm a good dude.

I like you.

Atari-
-choplifter
-dig dug
-pole position(also, cocks)
-pac-man
-pong
NES-
-super mario bros 3
-duckhunt(fuck that dog!)
-startropics
-mc kids
Sega Genisis
-mortal kombat 2(when i was like four years old)
-sonic 2
-combat cars
-power rangers the movie
-cesars palace
-lemmings 2 tribes(shit gave me a god complex)
-toys
-super hang on
-streets of rage
-the ren and stimpy show
-nba jam(jams it in!)
-road rash
PS1
-crash bandicoot(i want to try on that mask)
-ape escape
-tomb raider(ass, titties, ass and titties, ass, ass, titties, titties, ass and titties. and personality, of course)
-metal gear solid
-those jampacks were the shit
Gamecube
-spiderman 1 and 2
Xbox
-splinter cell
-gta: san andreas(the best)
Xbox 360
-saints row 1 and 2
-gears 1 and 2
-gta4 episodes(should've just been a gay biker gang. am I right?)
-skate 2
-mirror's edge
-halo 3
-deadly premonition(thanks Jim)
-smackdown vs raw(sounds like a porno)
-guitar hero 3
-those demos are the shit aren't they?

I have been reading this site for almost a decade and I've been leaving comments and posting things sporadically during my tenure. I just want to thank everybody for being so interesting, insightful, open minded, respectful and informative. I do my best to be the same. I truly respect what this site is, and all the people, and all of the hard work behind it. I am honored to be a part of it and I really do feel at home here.



Xbox LIVE:CrazEboy7


 

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