I'm a thinker. In my spare time, when I'm not working the sausage cart on Cocktease Beach, I'm always pondering. So in one of my longer brain sessions, I remembered the first game I bought for my 360. Gears of War. I even came up with a wishlist for it.
It remains on of my favorite games. I don't know if Epic takes this game seriously, but I don't. In a loving way of course. It and its sequel aptly titled Gears of War 2, are among my favorite games. But, I'm still mad that I bought the same dumb/awesome game twice.Gears of War is a stupid game. Buff dudes being manly and shooting things with their buffness from behind manly waist high cover.
But, that works well for me as a fun loving, dumb guy.
Gears of War 2 was also a dumb game. Yellow lava is stupid. But, I went out and bought it on it's release day...at midnight...on my birthday...like a drone. They didn't even have the crazy edition with the picture of Dom's wife(jerking material?) and the gold chainsaw.
I wanted my fucking digital gold chainsaw gun!
But, other than breaking my heart on my birthday, they delivered a game that was exactly the same as the first. Bigger, better and exactly the same.
So, for Gears 3, I need INNOVATION! And by innovation I mean Chainsaw pistols. Imagine dual-wielding them and putting a locust in a headlock and then blazing up your freehand chainsaw and tearing right through the locust dude's torso and shooting though him while using him as a "human" shield. That's AWESOME! Come across a vertical wall? Jam those chainsaw teeth into the wall, turn them on and up you go! MADNESS!
Hand to hand combat would be cool. Drop the guns for a level and go Jean-Claude Van Damme on their ASSES!
A section of level covered in oil or something and get some slide shooting happening. RAD!
Also, throw some motorcycles in there. Some fat rear tired choppers, made of steel and locust skin....and CHAINSAWZ!!!
Think Road Rash with locust.
-NEEDS MOAR GAY!
We have all seen the many, many....many blogs, comments, videos and photo shopped pictures about Marcus and Dom being gay for each other. People seem to really want them to be gay. I can't speak for everybody, but I want them to be gay. It's the right direction for Epic to go. I just think it would be cute.
Gears of War needs a love story and Marc and Dom is the only one I would believe at this point. Aside from Carmine and Death.
-NEEDS MOAR BEWBZ!
We can't alienate the fans of the series that are very macho and actually, not gay.
Gears 3 is going to have female soldiers in the new game with glimmering personality, brains, feelings and smart things to say(true story). They, should be sexualized anyway, just like in real life! It's kinda fucked up, but a hot female COG popping blind shots from behind cover while topless...YES PLEASE! (It would be tasteful, of course) Yes, I hate myself.
-SOME LOCUST AREN'T ASSHOLES???
There is this weird oppressive way that Gears doesn't let you see the other side of the battle. "They're bad because we say so!". Hmmm. I don't buy it. There's gotta be at least one locust that isn't a total goon and might be a cool guy to hang out with and maybe fall in love with a female COG. I'd buy that.
Also, on that note, I'd like to see some locust in a club...fistpumping to Freebird. I just want to see what they do in there spare time. Maybe they play video games?
Okay, so nothing I've written is innovative or clever. It's all been done before. Basically, I'm bored with the series and they need to sex it up, yo!
Last thing I want is a Herbert the pervert COG that would hit on some some 15 year old rebels(stranded?) that would probably be fighting in the war. That shit would make me laugh, on the regular.
What do you think party people?