I'm going to start off this blog by going quick, then going into detail about certain aspects of Microsoft's E3 press event. And it begins
"Yeah, that's definitely Call of Duty… with a helicopter"
"oooooh Metal Gear Rising, with motion controls? hey, this Kinect thing could be pretty awesome."
"yep… that's Gears of War alright"
"yep… that's Halo alright"
"yep… thats Fable alright"
"you know, controlling the dashboard with gestures is pretty cool, Michael Pachter was right!"
"jesus christ this girl showing off the video chat has an annoying voice"
Now the Kinect onslaught comes… You know what I was thinking during this entire part? "Shut up, SHUT UP, GOOD GOD SHUT UP!!!" This is what I was fearing from Microsoft, motion control overload bullshit.
Okay, I know Kinect is a big thing for them, after all they want to get in on that ever expanding *coughsarcasmcough* Wii audience. So it was obvious that Microsoft was going to put all their chips on this one, but for the love of god, I never thought it would be nothing but pure shovelware. Kitectimals? Kinect Sports? Kinect Adventures? whatever the hell that cart racing game is? Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, NONE of those should be their own game, except maybe the animals one. Sports, Adventures, and racing should all be in one game. If they even charge $40 for those, I'm going to laugh. Remember when that racing game was supposed to be free? Yeah, definitely still looks like it should be free. And what got me is when they said you could experience things in that game that you couldn't in any other kart racer… uuuh, seen ModNation Racers lately? OH HEY! A fitness game, a dance game, and some Forza tech demo. UUUUUUUGH
Now to get to why this angers me so much. I absolutely hate when someone goes on stage with their motion controls saying theres fun to be had FOR EVERYONE. No, no there isn't. There's fun for kids, people in their middle ages, and other NONgamers. How about the cynical 21 year old gamer who is becoming more and more tired of this shovelware? Anything fun for me in there? No? Fuck you, then. I was at least hopeful when we saw MGSR, but then that hope died. As a gamer, I have no interest in this casual bullshit, dancing, and fitness games, and god damn it, so don't tell me for an hour and a half that I do, you misguided corporate fucks.
"OH BUT COVAH!!!! STAR WAAAAAAAAARS" Now, I enjoy Star Wars, but I'm not a fanboy, so with out jaded eyes, I'm calling that game a steaming pile too. If you looked there was absolutely no skill needed in that game. Just wave your light saber around in a random motion and as long as its close, it blocks the lasers. And on rails? Fuck off. That is an issue all REAL games would face if they went Kinect only, there is no real way for one to navigate an on screen avatar without a physical form of input. So have fun with all those on rails games, guys.
THE BIGGER ISSUE
What else is next for Microsoft? I mean, I'm so used to them toting out big 3rd party partnerships, its hard to remember their exclusive lineup is really dwindling compared to that of Sony's. Halo is over after Reach, unless 343 milks that, and Gears of War is over after 3. So is Microsoft going to milk Fable year after year? Microsoft needs to learn from Nintendo's mistakes, DO NOT GO FULL FORCE INTO MOTION CONTROLS, KEEP YOUR ORIGINAL FANBASE HAPPY AS WELL. And I doubt they'll actually do that, because I mean honestly, does anyone expect Microsoft to bust out a bunch of new IPs for next holiday season to keep their gamers happy as well? Probably not, they're probably going to stick to the motion control nonsense.
I don't want to even think about this anymore, so lets get down to it
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