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LONG BLOG

Things I Loathe: Red Dead Redemption's "Mowing Them Down" Trophy/Achievement

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The following is a comment that I left on Rockstar's website because I can, and I'm reposting it here because I am a self-aggrandizing whore.


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First off, I love the game. I'm not at all disgruntled with it, or your company for making it. It's fantastic and well worth the time I have invested in it save for the time that I spent working on this Trophy, which was god awful and I hope to never to do it again.

The trouble with this trophy is that it has many outliers that make it tedious to get and unfun in the process. The other two gun related kill count trophies are much more manageable because simply put you're going to use those weapons all of the time in any game mode, so they will naturally unlock as you play the game in a single or multiplayer setting. This is not the case for mounted weapons, there are only a handful of single player, story-based missions that require you to use them, and replaying those missions does not increase your overall kill count, and within the multiplayer environment these weapons have little strategic use that a rifle couldn't rightly solve on its own.

The monotonous repetition required to get to that arbitrarily large kill count also undoes one of my favorite things about this game, which is being able to explore the countryside, and see a variety of things while shooting the hell out of all of them. A static gun with a limited field of view, sitting on a hill or parapet, does not really add much to this, and again if I weren't stuck instigating Federales and actually able to re-experience the storming of Torquemada, it'd be a completely different story, but I can't and that leaves me feeling empty while riddling away at the slowly spawning, poor bastards that I spent three hours failingly shooting a gatling gun while trying to get this damned trophy.

Maybe I'm just bitter because I'm a gamer who has a silly sense of entitlement that isn't worth much more than $60, if even that, but by God it is my retarded sense of entitlement that makes you put something as stupid as achievements in your games in the first place. They are an extrinsic motivator that does nothing to add to the aesthetic of the game, and if anything can detract from the designer's creative intent by adding objectives to a game that wouldn't exist otherwise. This trophy is a prime example of one. I very much doubt when your designers made this game that they said to themselves while brainstorming,

"I don't think the player will think John Marston is appropriately bad-ass enough without making them shoot 500 people to death with a gatling gun or cannon, and if they really want to be bad ass they have to do it separately between multiplayer and single player because the identity of that bad ass gunslinger is totally different between these two modes."

Of course, you don't think like that, or use such convoluted sentence structures, but the points that I have outlined remain and I am going to find where you live, take off my pants, and cry in your front yard until you appease me.

P.S. You can ignore all of this if you give me free stuff.
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About falsenippleone of us since 7:51 PM on 04.15.2010

I can't think of a good reason why I blog here, and honestly I think its only because I lack the self-control not to. In the past I have wasted way too much time socializing online simply because I liked the anonymity and all the stupid trolling that entailed.

Of course, this is a different place, you're all respectable people, and I am an adult who has grown into his three inch penis and the inferiority complex that accompanies it.

Hi, my name is J/Jordan/falsenipple, but you can call me whatever you like, or summarily ignore me if that better suits your fancy. I'm nearing on being old enough to be dead, from Chicago, and have been gaming since I was 6, which was awhile ago.

I have yet to mature since then, nor have I become skilled enough to beat Megaman 2, although it hasn't stopped me from soundly losing until I have won every other game.

None of the previously mentioned things actually mean much to me though. Frankly, as any good troll is, I am more interested in other people, which is why I don't talk about myself too often. I've got a mouthful of feet and a throat full of Achilles' heels. So making this introduction is more than awkward for me.

Most of the time I just stalk people around until they assume that I'm their friend, or a friend of their friend, who unassumingly has been shadowing the lot of them and pocketing scraps of their hair to make dolls out of.

Forget that you read that last bit. Also forget that I've ended multiple sentences with propositions. The devil made me do it.

I guess I should keep at whatever it is I am doing here.

_____________

FAQ

1. Are you a gamer?

No, but I've passed the Turing Test, so I can't rightfully be called a game anymore.

2. What?

Just go with it.

3. Seriously?

Yes.

4. Are you going to continue asking yourself questions in the third person?

I didn't ask for schizophrenia, but I'll sure as shit not be sassed by my own psychosis. NEXT QUESTION PLEASE~!

5. What games are you currently playing or would like to play in the future?

Battlefield 3, Dark Souls, Magic: The Gathering, Bioshock Infinite, and a bunch of other garbage. It's a lot easier just to stalk people online through their gamertag and psn tag than actually answer something like this.

You could look at mine (GT:OMGhotdogs, PSN:jsapper), but I don't exactly like most people enough to to game with them, let alone accept friend requests. I'm kind of a misanthrope, and spend most of my time mumbling to myself and hiding in dark places within online shooters hoping to ambush someone and steal their wallet and possibly ask them how punctuation works. You know, so I can type up readable things instead of things like this.

6. Are you alright?

No.

7. Stop staring at me.

That's not a question.

8. You're not making this any easier.

Funnel Cake?