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LONG BLOG

10 Bad Things About Bad Company 2

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Before I start, just let me tell you that I LOVE and ADORE Bad Company 2. This game has changed first person shooters for ever. From now on, after playing Bad Company 2, every time I load up a game, that isn't Red Faction: Guerilla, I sigh at every wall and fence I happen to come across. No amount of RPG fire or tank bursts will be able to take that wall down. Either every company that manufactures walls for video games needs some serious props, or something is missing. There are just some littttle problems that should be addressed.

10. The M60


You unlock this little mother f***er about halfway through the medic tree. You'll reach the end of the medic tree still using it with a guilty pleasure, wanting it nerfed but loving it at the same time. The M60 will kill your family when you are sleeping. It is not your friend. A squad of medics with defibs and M60s are like a band of Gods casting holy vengeance upon non belivers, smiting the foolish mortals for trying to fight back with all their pitiful might. You unload into them, and they fall over, seemingly dead, only to be jolted with a couple thousand volts of electricity back into full fighting strength, shrugging off all wounds, and their over powered gun that has 100 bullets instead of 30. I wouldn't be surprised if sustained fire from an M60 could knock out a tank or two, you know Rambo used an M60.

9. Shotguns



Shotguns are like gambling. Every time you open up point blank at someone, the bullets will either reach their target as they kill you, or every single slug will stop midair, mere feet from the target, and fall to the ground. DICE hit the nail on the head, or the shotgun to the face if you will, with Shotguns. You can drop someone in one hit 30 feet away, but according to science, shotgun bullets take at least 10 feet to reach full speed, and ones fired at close targets will either be blocked by their knife, stylish hair-do's, or simply be ignored altogether.

8. Helicopter



UH60_600Apparently, every other video game that has designed a helicopter has done it wrong. Helicopters NEED, and I mean NEED, to be completely over-complicated to drive, and anyone without a proper flying license or 6-months equivalent work experience needs to crash every goddamn time they get in one. And not just a normal crash either, the crash needs to be completely horrific and over-the-top, such as the helicopter somehow flipping itself over MID AIR, and crashing into the nearest object, be it an ally, an ally's tank, an ally's helicopter, or an ally's building. Even if the helicopter is flying over the enemy's main headquarters, military protocol strictly dictates that each helicopter must crash directly into friendly property, to prevent data loss. Also, military protocol STRICTLY dictates that every member of the team must curse out the pilot of the helicopter, as if he had no idea that he crashed.

7. UAV





The UAV is either the Helicopter's midget brother who over compensates for everything by completely over doing it at every opportunity, or that annoying as hell mosquito in your house that you know you want to get rid of, but don't want to spend twenty minutes hunting and chasing, for absolutely nothing other than personal gratification, I can't decide which. So I'll call it the Undersized Annoying Vagina. While flying it, people either completely ignore you and go back to sniping, or think they were put on this earth for one reason and one reason only: hunt down and destroy all UAVs. They will follow you to the ends of the map, and waste every single one of their bullets, as long as you blow up. The UAV can also run into helicopters, sending them spiraling out of control and into the nearest friendly unit, call in giant missiles from god knows where, run over unsuspecting Recon, and cater a 278 person party, all while constantly firing its extremely powerful, yet somehow the quietest in the entire game, minigun.

6. Magnum Ammo



Might as well call it the "always on" perk. As Confucius once said, "man who turns off Magnum Ammo, is man who fool." Once unlocking it at rank 11 something, turning it off means your guns revert to pea-shooter status. Everything you shoot becomes more powerful and accurate, casting useless the "MMN [insert class weapon here]" perks. It's like turning on hardcore mode weapon damage, but just for those people who use it! Revolutionary mechanics my friend.

5. The Server Browser



It must have been opposite day over at DICE when someone said, "hey let's make the server browser work!" and then they all high-fived. Now they seem to completely ignore it like the child they didn't really want to have but are forced to deal with. When you click "Full Refresh," or "Search," just go file your taxes, the servers will be listed when you get back. And the best part is, by the time you actually get it to display the servers, all the info you have is old and useless! So you hit refresh again! It's an infinite cycle of AWESOME.

4. Base Raping



Now, it's awesome that every single building is destructable, meaning the precious houses of the MCOM stations can be blown to smithereens, completely taking away the need for the attackers to risk going into enemy territory altogether! So someone thought, "hey, why don't we just sit in out base and bomb the living s%&t out of their MCOM station buildings using mortars and tanks? That way, the defending team will have absolutely NO way of defending their point, lest they be killed for 'leaving the area'!" and they all high-fived. Granted this doesn't work for EVERY point, because some are even more out in the open and not even protected by buildings, but when the attacking team can spend about 5 tickets taking out a single station instead of about 50, the defending team now has a mighty hard time defending the smaller area. Especially when everyone goes...

3. RECON



If you're not Recon, you're bitching about it. Recon are the most useless class, period. There is no argument. If you try to argue, you look like an idiot, and worse, a recon sympathizer. Erk, it hurts just thinking of those people. "NO NO ITS USEFUL BECAUSE UM.. I KILL PEOPLE AND I UM... CALL... STRIKES.. OH AND I CAN SPOT PEOPLE AND THROW LITTLE MINES THAT YOU KNOW WHERE PEOPLE ARE IN A 10 FOOT RADIUS!" Yeah ok, real cool Recon. Meanwhile the engineer is performing magic vehicle healing powers on a tank by mashing it with an electric drill, the medic is zapping people back into consciousness no matter what the wound, and the assault has the grenade launcher! Oh, they can restock people too... but they have a GRENADE LAUNCHER. Recon is about as useful as having your unemployed neighbor watch over your house every night. They know that they have a purpose, but the temptation to be completely f#@$in useless is just too great for people to handle.

2.EA servers



When EA was about to launch their biggest AAA title yet, they must not have actually expected anyone to buy it. They must have shut down all the servers that allow more than 4 people to play online at once. And they must have left their flimsiest servers running. Everyone at EA acted as if they were surprised, no dumbfounded, that people logged on day one and tried to play. A quote from Bad Company 2's Twitter:

"EA Online is currently investigating an outage of the servers that affects a number of EA games. A fix will be done as soon as possible."

What they actually said:

"DURRRR WE HAV MUR PEOPLE PLYING DEN EVAR B4, I GUZZ MARKETING WRKED, PRBLY SHUD HAV MAED MOAR SERVERS DURRR"

The fact that a bunch of people that just wanted to play their game was enough to crash most EA games for awhile says something. At least, I think it says something.

Oh, and did I mention that it's STILL not completely fixed? Yeah there's that too.

1. Lack of Auto Balance

You fought past all the EA account bulls#%t. You managed to find a good server despite the horrendous server browser. You're in a game and loving it. The audio design is spot on. Helicopters are being hit by UAVs and spiraling into the ground into a jaw dropping explosion, until you realize it was on top of the tank you were running to get in. Everyone has Magnum Ammo enabled, medics destroy with M60s, you will dodge shotgun shells, but none of that matters. The game is brilliant once you get into it, until this happens. Someone realized that there is a "switch team" button. DICE was nice enough to implement a "AUTOMATIC AUTO BALANCE" option for all the servers, but some little trickster over there decided that it shouldn't actually do anything. Is your team losing? No problem buddy, just hit the switch team button! Bring half the team with you! The only people who won't switch ironically are the recon, because they're too busy eating grass and masturbating to notice that the whole team has suddenly vanished!

EA and DICE, hear me out, I love this game. It is inching closer and closer every day to my #1 game of all time. Every time I play it, I'm hooked more. Half the time is me gazing in complete awe at the masterpiece before me. But things can go so horribly wrong, and the fix should be easy.
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About Brandon Kellyone of us since 8:28 AM on 10.30.2009

I am Brandon Kelly, big surprise there. I like gaming and consider myself a gaming enthusiast. Again, big surprise right? Also I happen to be a teenager, and thus am looked down upon by society. "The internet is bad!" adults say, "GAMES KILL!" adults say,"playing videogames will get you nowhere sonny!" adults say, "9/11 wouldn't have happened if planes were controlled via mouse and keyboard!" adults s- well that one doesn't count. I primarily play games on PC, but begrudgingly switch to the 360 from time to time because everyone has one, and I also play the DS, which is better than the lousy excuse for a handheld gaming system called the PSP in every shape and form. I also own a Wii, but who actually plays and enjoys the Wii anymore? That s**t wore off two weeks after Christmas. This is my blog, and my compiled thoughts on games, the game industry, and society as a whole.

Games I Love (no particular order)
The Beatles Rock Band
Team Fortress 2
Company of Heroes
Saint's Row II
Sonic Adventure 2: Battle
Indigo Prophecy
Animal Crossing Wild World
Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
Battlefield 2
Rock Band 2
Elite Beat Agents
Fallout 3
Delta Force: Blackhawk Down
Halo 1 PC
Luigi's Mansion
Kirby Air Ride
GTA IV
Sid Meier's Simgolf
Zombie Panic Source
Deadly Premonition

Games Currently Playing
Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War 2
Dragon Age Origins
STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl
Battlefield: Bad Company 2
Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
Red Faction: Guerilla
The Sims 3
Sins of a Solar Empire
Saints Row II
Deadly Premonition
Civilization IV


Games I Hate
Call of Duty 1-16
Band Hero
Guitar Hero 1-25
Assassin's Creed 1
Wii Music
Spore
Band Hero
Red Steel

I have a Raging Game boner for
Dragon Age Origins: Awakening
Battlefield 3
Dawn of War 2: Chaos Rising
Beatles Rock Band full albums
Halo Reach
Metro 2033

Follow me on Twitter

Xbox LIVE:RAD5brandon
PSN ID:rad5brandon
Steam ID:rad5brandon
BattleNET:rad5brandon


 

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