You almost got away with it you son of a bitch. You were this close, but thanks to my gang of meddling kids and their dog, I uncovered THE GREATEST COVER-UP IN VIDEO GAME HISTORY!
JIM STERLING IS JEFF GERSTMANN! They're both the same person, bent on destroying video game journalism from the inside out! He has turned the whole medium into a giant black hole that is imploding on itself untl there is nothing left. This son of a bitchery constantly degrades every awesome game that deserves a fucking 11 out of 10. The reputation of these games will never recover! Because of this slander caused by one man, the games are doomed to fail, because obviously no one will buy them now, thus losing developers and publishers ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
The industry is at its end. But now that we know the truth, we can stop it! Still not convinced? Well gentlemen… and like the six girls who come to this site, I present you the evidence.
DID YOU KNOW!?
Both “Jeff” and “Jim” begin with the letter “J” FACT
They’re both fat FACT
They’re both totally Microsoft fanboys FACT
“Jim” gave Final Fantasy XIII a 4, and that’s fucking wrong FACT
"Jeff" gave Twilight Princess an 8.8, and that's fucking wrong FACT
WHAT THE FUCK Destructoid? Trying to hide the truth? The truth can not be hidden! not this time! My voice will be heard!
Basically... what else I was going to say is that "Jeff" gave Kane and Lynch a 6, and of course that's fucking wrong. Anthony Burch gave the very same game a 3, and Jim is twice as big as Burch, so by flawless logic, you multiply that 3 by a 2 and you get a 6! THE SAME SCORE, MOTHER OF GOD. Then there was this thing about how they're totally gay because they don't like the games I like, and if you type "Jim Sterling" into google image search with no filter, you see a dude flashing his dick, thus confirming the gayness. Um, there was this:
Then at the end I told everyone that these reviews are just fucking opinions, and if they ruin your day that much that you feel the need to argue with random internet people about it, instead of playing the game in question, then you need to get a grip. And I preemptively countered potential nay sayers to that, with the fact that I am at a job on campus that involves me doing nothing, thus I have nothing better to do at the moment then write this blog.
It was a pretty sweet blog, but the fucking Destructoid Nazi PIGS are keeping me down, man... whatever.
LOOK WHO CAME: