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LONG BLOG

How To Use Games To Land Some PoonTang!

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This is ONLY for the manly. Those of a more feminine heritage are free to read this guide, but you are encouraged not to spread the secrets contained here to the rest of the population.

Has this conversation or something along these lines ever happened to you?

You: "So.. what you doing today?"
She: "Not much ya'know, I usually do stuff on Saturdays but today theres nothing going on"
SHE: "...How about you?"
You: "For real.. same here. Right now im just playing some games"

Now, 1 of 2 events will happen next:

She: "haha you and your stupid games, their such a waste of time.. why dont you go look for a job!?"
OR
She: "Oh cool, i like games. what game you playing?"

Now in most situations, the girl you are speaking to will be the kind that doesnt play games. If not, then you are a lucky man and should not be reading if only for laughs or out of curiosity. For everyone else dealing with the more common case, here are a few things you should do.

First off, you gotta make the girl feel like shes a boring person for thinking games are for fat people that piss in bottles and poo in socks all day while killing dragons at the computer. You have to make her feel extremely terrible. Make her feel worse than Kanye West. "Your just boring" ,"I supposed painting your nails is more fun?", "Get a life", are just a few things you could say to your breasted opponent. The technique here is called, 'Hit Confirming'. Those into the beat'em up scene will know what this means.
You are basically doing a crouching medium kick and cancelling into a special. Applied to this situation, you are softening her up and leading the way into the unavoidable follow up tactic.

After you have made her feel abismal, she will say things to try and make whatever you said irrelevant. "Your just boring yourself" or "your just gay", something like that. This is a sign that she doesnt know what to do. She is pretty much just throwing water around the room like my mum does when she is praying for the house. She is weak and all you need to do is invite her over in whatever fashion works best for you.



Now, as you wait for your companion to arrive, you need to review your games. Are they female friendly to the typical girl? Will she enjoy it? Will she want to get good at it? Interestingly enough depending on what console you have, influences the outcome of this episode. If you have a wii, you have already won, simply because waving around the wii-mote and nunchuk is more or less giving her practice for when
she is handling your manhood. All you have to do is put in a game with the word 'Mario' in the machine and you're sorted. If you are like me however and have either a ps3 or 360, the game choice is much more delicate. Looking at my ps3 games right now I can see I can't use more than half of them.
Dragon Age? Too long to get into if we estimate you only have about 30 minutes to get her interested in playing something. Demons Souls? Hell no. Batman Arkham Asylum? Not worth the risk. After seeing my games from a different perspective, I realise alot of them are single player, so If your the same as me
then when she arrives, do all the formalities and what not. Off the lights. Close curtains. Sit on the bed and put in Uncharted 2. Press start, new game, easy mode (but dont let her see you chose easy) and then give her the pad. Trust me, that can work. Mainly because its cinematic traits might fair well with your she friend.

While she plays, make sure your close enough to her to help her a bit if shes stuck and so you can slowly build the physical mood between you two. Banter is important. Throw the old joke here and there. "Where are you shooting!?", "Thats a grenade, not an item!" and when shes due a compliment -
"Nice Shot!", "Your quite good at this" etc. You'd be suprised how big of a smile that will get you. No matter what game you are playing, make sure you follow those guidelines. Help, banter and compliment. All girls are different. I recently tried the Uncharted 2 route with someone and it failed horribly. She didnt even want to play the game, but thats only because she sucks. (no pun intended)

Fighting games will forever be a good alternative and probably the best type of game to put in when seeking poontang. Ive found that street fighter doesnt work as well as a 3D fighter such as tekken. Altought im not a big tekken fan. it must be something about the cool realistic looking characters tekken has. The girl will either choose a sexy looking female character to play as. Or, weirdly choose a scary looking character like feng, or king. Either way, competitive games gives room for lots of banter and fun. DO NOT (if you are a high level player) go hard and bang out infinite juggles and play like its the final at EVO or something. Be sure to reduce your play level, for the sake of fun, but try to beat her in a way that will make her get a bit physical with you. :) e.g, killing her with a taunt or in an embarrasing way, might cause her to punch you in your arm while shouting "your mean!" This is all just a build up. If she punches you, or slaps you, etc. This means you are closer to succeeding.



Another good trick is if playing a fighting game. During the 4th, 5th match (considering you have kept her interested for this long) pause the game mid fight and pretend to go to the toilet or go to the kitchen to get a drink. Chances are, she would have unpaused it, took away 40% of your life, and paused it again, hoping you wouldnt notice. This is good, because when you come back, it gives room for you to not only be like "LOL you cheater!" but you can then buss out your high level skills and snatch victory
from the jaws of defeat. She will probably, by this point, think that your too good and give up playing, but there would of been so much fun had in the last 30 minutes, that she'll be in a very good mood. did you know, girls in a good mood is a very good thing? You can now proceed into whatever tactics you like, to achieve some bedroom action. This is a guide in helping you select what type of games to use on a girl and how you should structure your playtime.

Everything that follows will be between you and her. And there wont be alot inbetween you, hopefully. :)
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About CharlieKunone of us since 8:00 AM on 07.14.2009

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