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Noby Noby Boy (iPhone/iPod touch) review: Wait, so I CAN'T eat my own ass?

So Noby Noby Boy is out for the iPhone. My personal great game ever, on the go.

Now, this may sound weird, but get this; it's weirder on the iPhone than on the PS3. I shit you not.

See, it's even less of a game than the original. You can stretch, sure, but you can't eat anything. Noby Noby Boy can get longer, but not bigger. It's a lot harder for him to wrap around objects, if you even put objects around him. You can remove objects at a whim, then put them back in. Stretch Boy too far and he breaks. Sadly, this is the biggest disappointment in the App; you can't eat your own ass. You connect the two ripped off pieces by sliding them into one another. I miss seeing Boy's ass reappear behind him, so I'm a little pissed, but otherwise, it's pretty similar.

Now, I'm going to go over all the features this App contains. Keep in mind that Boy will seeeee yooooouuuu.

Background: You can either upload an image to the (black) background, making it not lifeless, or leave it blank. I personally just put one of my lingerie-Japanese-lesbain images as the background, but you can do whatever you want.

Music: You can play music while the App is in use. You don't even have to leave the App; you can access it right from the App. This cool lookin' thing (maybe if the Prince of All Cosmos were larger and uglier and grayer?) pops up and you can play any tune you want. There are two problems, sadly: the songs start alphabetically, so you can't choose the song, and you have to press his hands/feet to play/pause and all that stuff. It's kinda difficult when zoomed out, but zoomed in, it's easy. The main music is just as good as the original, though, so I would recommend that.

Clock: Well, two. One is the bar at the top (which you can click to display how many hearts you're sending to Noby Noby Girl, the date, Boy's length, and, uh, the time) and the actual function you can click at the bottom (along with the many other fine functions!). Two Boy's appear with a funky background (most of the time). The little yellow peanut-fairy guy is the seconds, while one Boy is minutes and the other is hours. You can move 'em around though, so when someone asks the time, just bring that up and move the Boy's around and say something like "I AM BREAKING TIME IN HALF." So badass.

Email: Send an Email with a picture of whatever you're doing in the App. I'd go into more detail, but really, that's it. It can be used with the clock and such, though.

GPS: Basically a pedometer, boy stretches depending on how far you go. You don't necessarily have to walk, though. You can ride the bus, drive, fly on a plane, or any such thing. It goes towards Girl's length, so it's both a map AND a girl stretcher! You can either use the normal, plain one, or the Google Earth styled one with the super-detailed satellite photo.

Notes: You can write notes on Boy. A memo pad, I guess. Don't stretch him or break him while doing this, though, or you'll have to spend precious seconds re-attaching him to read the stretched out-- wait, no, I just rechecked it. You can read the same message on BOTH end. Except Boy is spinning and I can't read the message right now. But whatever, it's there.

Window-thing: Use the camera in your iPhone as a background while you play with Boy. Compare his length with yours!

Noby Noby Girl: You played the PS3 game, right? If not, go do that. It's five bucks. Skip Subway and your damn fast food, this enriches your mind. Anyway, you can add to Girl's length in this App, too. It's a lot easier because you can just re-stretch boy again and again, but it's a little different here: you help Girl to catch the hearts as they fly out at her. Otherwise, she may only eat around half. It's actually pretty fun.

Noby Noby Map: A map that displays who's been playing Noby Noby boy and contributed to Girl's length. It's kind of cool, seeing where the game was most popular, but fudge you, Alaska, for having only a few people playing it. See if I go near you. Canada didn't even play it at all, so fudge them, too.

Internet: Yes, the internet. It has Boy on a surfboard, so it's worth mentioning. You don't see Boy during this, and you can't do anything else, but damn if I'm going to leave Noby Noby Boy while surfing Destructoid. You can have a max of 5 bookmarks, and they have a bunch of websites pre-bookmarked, such as Google, Facebook, Twiiter, and oddly enough, flickr.

NamcoBandai games: They have a link on it. Good for them.

Facebook Connect: Do this. Weird everyone else out.

Finally, Boy himself. You can make either his front or back grab onto objects, as I said, and you can break and reconnect him on a whim. You can also shorten him to his original double-ball size, if you want. He's a little hard to grab when all the way zoomed out, but considering how small he is at that point, that's probably my bad.

The only flaws I can point out are that it's not as colorful as the PS3 game because of the lack of background and the fact that Boy doesn't fart stuff out. Otherwise, I'd recommend this to anyone with even a hint of fun in their personality.

10/10 (HoodedMiracle seal of perfection)

This App is $1.99 on the iTunes App store section. It is labeled under Productivity (no, really). If you can't find it, use the search bar function. Seriously, it's the only app that will show up.
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About HoodedMiracleone of us since 2:00 PM on 11.22.2009