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Introducing the Horn-O-Meter! The video game character attraction scale.


With Single Awareness Day behind, there is not much to think but love itself. But love comes in different polarities as we have different ways to love someone. And who is best to talk when you are in a video game site, than video game characters! In my case, girls of course.

Oh come on. Don't be a hypocrite. I know that even the chaviest of all hustling party animal wiggers would cheat his twenty girlfriends for Lara Croft's pixelated boobs. Is it any wrong to appreciate a representation of beauty?

I think I am a very picky man, so I have to sort my choices carefully. For sorting the kind of love I have to give, I introduce to you, the Horn-o-Meter!

let me give you a brief explanation. The scale of the Horn-o-Meter is similar to the pH measure being scaled from 0 to 9, though in this case it reaches to 10.

There are girls which i want to hug, as they are cute, lovable and are adorable, others would become a fair relationship if managed carefully, while others make me want to do unspeakable to things to them.

The closer they are to 0, they are for a hug. The closer they are to 10, just make me want to hump them. Those who get a 5 get judged on some qualities to see if they are more huggable than humpable or viceversa.

0 - 4 = HUG
5 = ?
6 - 10 = HUMP

Is it clear now? Let's start.

Faith (Mirror's Edge)

Faith is a very active girl that just wants to keep her sister safe from peril, and likes to support the freedom of speech. Her jet black hair, rad tattoos and fighting skill make her way above average. Although she does not seem like the girl with a love interest, which could turn down the fumes a bit. Her body is pretty average, but I do not demand much especially from someone whose life is in running from the cops and jumping on the roofs. A healthy girl with family values is attractive in my book.

Scale: 5
Verdict: HUG

She might be an ideal type for me, but she is not really a sex symbol. I would prefer to keep things passive between us. Even so I doubt we could get enough time for each other.

Alyx Vance (Half-Life 2)

I know, I know, cliche choice. But you cannot deny that.. well.. wow, she is not bad. She got a nice body and very kind attitude. She is another action girl that does not show mercy to those who menace the human race. And did I told you she has a giant pet robot? Awesome!

Scale: 5
Verdict: HUG

But someone like Alyx is to love for her attitude much more than her body figure. She is just too kind. Even daring to say, motherly in the way she cares for others. Plus she reminds me of a crush i have for someone of my age since Junior High. *sigh~*

Well Gordon is a very, very lucky man.

Jade (Beyond Good and Evil)

Something is odd about Jade. Well in first place, she is very similar to Alyx Vance. I mean, a LOT. Though for beginners Jade is a main character, and is also defending her planet from wicked aliens. However she is most interested in uncovering a conspiracy behind the incorporated government that surrounds her. She has to get through the facilities of the Alpha Section with only her staff and a camera to reveal sinister secrets to the light of the public. She is like the combination of Alyx, Faith and Solid Snake.

Oh and she also likes animals. Nothing special about that, but I like it.

Scale: 4
Verdict: HUG

As I already mentioned, she is TOO similar to Alyx Vance, however there is a better chance to get a passive relation with her due to her sentimental side. She also acts motherly with the orphans of the lighthouse, but she seems to have more time to find different guys.

Jill (Drill Dozer)

Let's see, Jill. She is a thief, a captain and also good-willed. Strange combination, but it seems to work. She also owns a robot dozer, which has a drill. the relations to Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann are inevitable, adding more charm. She got qualities that are hard to find in any other girl around.

Scale: 1
Verdict: HUG~

But there is a problem: she is TOO YOUNG. She is around 8 years old, and that just wouldn't work for me. I think that it could only have worked as my elementary school crush if we were together in the same school. So well, for now she is just cute, too far from the love approach.

oh and she likes jewels, that would be a huge problem for me too.

Ashley Mizuki Robbins (Trace Memory)

Cute, of japanese heritage, and very singular pearl-white hair. Ashley is a very intelligent girl with an unstoppable curiosity to know the truth about her family's past. She loves candies and and portable technology. She just sounds too good to be true!... wait...

Umm, but hey, she also seems to have a neat taste for jeans and rad shoes. I am not the fashion bug, but I like a girl with dark jeans.

Scale: 5

Just wow, she is too perfect! She is not only simple and sentimental, we even have the exact same birth date! No, not only the same day, but we were also born in 1991! Oh. Hell. Yeah! Is like destiny united us to be close, but also separated us for the dimensions of reality. Curse you, logic! Curse youuuuuuu!!!


Sakura (Street Fighter Alpha 2)

I dig schoolgirls. I dig girls that now how to defend themselves. I freaking dig Sakura.

Sakura is my favorite SF character for those reasons. She is like the balanced combination of strong and sassy, and i don't even like sassy girls that much. It is also important that they have good humor because ice queens are really not my style, and she is like a cheerleader full of enthusiasm.

Scale: 7
Verdict: HUMP

Let's go to the point: Sakura is a hottie. Behind that joyful face, she is a total eye candy. An easy victim of panty shots and inappropriate pictures of her. The problem is that even if I could try to hook up with her, she will be too distracted trying to lure Ryu to the straight field. Its like a roman tragedy were she only lures the impossible love. That kind of sucks.

Kumatora (Mother 3)

A class-less princess, Kumatora rminds me a lot of Ashley Spinelli from Recess. having elemental powers like ice, fire and lightning would be very useful sometime, but it would be hard to tame a wild rover like her.

Scale: 3
Verdict: HUG~

Perhaps you already see a pattern here if I include her too. For some reason girls that are not girly are kind of my style. As I already said, Kumatora is not someone you control but if there ever was a chance she could be cuddly as heck. There must be a smooth core inside that rock-hard attitude.

Princess Daisy (Super Mario Land)

Something happened with Mario. He rescued a brand-new cutie and then just forgot about her in the later games. What the hell? I could understand if he was just being a good Samaritan and be loyal to Princess Peach at the same time, but... is he blind?!

Let me explain a bit, Daisy is not only like Princess Peach, she is like the anti-Peach. She is a girl that really knows how to be fun instead of a boring Barbie doll. She is cheerful, cute and a brunette. Hell yeah, I like brunettes.

So even if she has been reduced t the appearance of spinoff games like Mario Tennis, Mario Golf and Mario Kart, she seems to actually enjoy it and live with what they gave her.

Scale: 6
Verdict: hump

I don't know, but she is just all right. Daisy breaks the mold and shows herself as a woman with character rather than stuck in the kitchen and having more pink than a sunburn. Attitude is important for a relation, and I think me being with a Barbie would not go right.

Luigi should not be tagged as unlucky bastard as he got a true piece of glory on his reach.

Daisy is just much more attractive than Peach could become... although...

Princess Peach (Super Mario Bros.)

We got a special case here. Princess Peach is NOT my kind. She is a pink, blond brat that makes cakes and has emotional issues. So why am I bothering to put her in the list? Well...

Scale: 2 / 6
Verdict: Hug. / HUMP

Well she had another personality in the Super Mario Adventures comics. She was not always acting like the patient victim sitting to wait for his red plumber to get on the way. She got the ways to trick Bowser and the other Koopas for a while.

The problem is Nintendo just loves the Barbie Peach, so it would be very rare to see the intelligent and brave one sometime. So good for Mario, I guess.

Mai Shiraniu (The King of Fighters '94)

Ummm... uhhh...

Scale: 10

No contest.


Marin (The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening)

Marin is such a mermaid. She rescued you, sings wonderful melodies, and slowly falls for you in the progress. She is an interesting case of making an alternate Zelda that is not an ice queen that pretends you don't exist. As a huge lover of the sea I cannot negate a walk with her be it to collect Mysterious Seashells or wake up a walrus.

Scale: 4
Verdict: HUG

Marin wants you to stay forever, but sometime you have to leave Koholint Island because destiny requires you to save the world. A tragically impossible love to keep because of an obligatory departure to another dimension. But if it is ever possible, she will keep waiting for your return.

Someone that loyal is priceless and deserves your love.

Tron Bonne (MegaMan Legends)

Ruler of the skies and 40 Servbots, she is feared and pursued by the authorities. Though even if she is a bad girl, she knows who is being an ass and who isn't. Even bandits have priorities.

Scale: 4
Verdict: HUG

She is a pirate, so that raises her hotness for a good level, however she has more of a tsundere attitude at the bottom, which makes her cuter than hotter. I also dig girls that are intelligent, and she is the brain of the Bonne family. I would personally be honored to join her army of rogues.

Lorelei (Pokemon Red/Blue)

There was a glass-teacher fantasy that got many before Bayonetta, and that was Lorelei from the original Elite Four. Believe me, I knew quite a bunch of fans back before and they annoyed me to hell on what they said all the time. But I cannot help but agree now.

Scale: 5
Verdict: Hump?

Well I am really not that much into older women, Lorelei is clearly around her 30s, but she is undoubtedly hot. But yeah, it just would never work.

Well that was long.

So yeah, we all have to vent something like that vent our sometime. Do you have any personal favorites to share? Feel free to use the Horn-O-Meter anytime as it is under the free public domain.

Now excuse me, I have a life to live.
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About Monodione of us since 10:46 PM on 10.15.2008

About time I updated this freaking thing!

For those who already know me, I am Monodi. Those who doesn't, well, I am Monodi.

I got such a growing passion of gaming through the years and now I am currently in college starting my courses of Game Design as well!

I consider myself a Nintendo fanboy from all my life, but I have been much more in contact with titles for PC recently. Not that I am abandoning one, but I think it pretty much could cover the best the industry has to offer.

I am up for the philosophy that gameplay is more important than graphics, but I think graphics and technology are also a crucial part of the industry and experience even.

Games I love and recommend in no particular order

Rhythm Heaven (DS)
Half-Life 2 (PC/XBOX)
Team Fortress 2(PC)
Drill Dozer (GBA)
F-Zero GX (GameCube)
Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando (PS2)
Super Punch-Out!! (SNES)
The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening DX (GB/C)
Punch-Out!! (Wii)
Super Mario All-Stars (SNES)
Mirror's Edge (PC/PS3/XBOX360)
Marvel VS Capcom: Clash of the Super Heroes (Arcade/DC/PS)
EarthBound (SNES)
Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest (SNES)
Pokemon Silver (GB/C)
Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped (PS)
Time Crisis 2 (Arcade/PS2)
The Misadventures of Tron Bonne (PS)
Super Smash Bros. Melee (GameCube)
World of Goo (PC/WiiWare)
Starfox 64 (N64)
Left 4 Dead (PC/XBOX360)
DanceDance Revolution Extreme (Arcade/PS2)
Mother 3 (GBA)
The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (N64)
Cave Story (PC)
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney (DS/WiiWare)
Psychonauts (XBOX/PC/PS2)

Other stuff I love

Digital Art
The Beatles
Daft Punk
Julieta Venegas
Classical Music
Electronic Music
Game Music
Dr. Pepper
Wild Cherry Pepsi
Ice Cold Milk
Symphony Bars
Fish sticks
Cookie Ice Cream
Spacing Out
Walk home with my MP3 on
Talk to myself
Go out to eat with friends
People that like to be what they are
Gaze the stars when the sky is clear enough
Life itself
Steam ID:
Mii code:1635-7357-5813-2395


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