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My Expertise: Luck, Sticky Grenades,& Rockets

Lady Luck...what a great, mysterious, and messed up force. Luck happens to also be my greatest ally in games, especially in open-world, racing, and first-person shooters. Combine those, and usually, my opponents are screwed.

Not very related, but it gets the point across.

If there is a kill that comes out of the middle of nowhere, it is usually mine. If by some odd accident, a piece of the level falls and blocks someone from killing me, I was probably responsible. What I have is an uncanny expertise in sheer luck and weird shit.

For example:

There have been many times when players will wonder "What the Hell just happened?". The answer is me. Somehow, by the grace of the video game gods, they have foreseen that I will champion during at least one round, and during that round, something unexplained will happen. Whether freak lag, a very well-timed bounce off an invisible wall, it could even be a ricocheting bullet.

Here are some examples of my tales. While there are luckier shots and things done in games, I think I have the most frequent of these occurrences.

Burnout Paradise: I'm in last place, going down the east side of the island by the damn. Everyone else takes the curves of the road while I haul ass towards the ramp off of the dam. As the pole position comes right out of the wide right turn, a barrel-rolling vehicle, with an echoing "SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT!", flies off the dam damn ramp, flips 3 times, and lands on the second place car. The second place car, having been catapulted by the impact, spins out of control and hits the first place driver, sending them into a spin. Being that I did a vertical take-down, I receive no damage, and take home the first place prize.

Last thing 3rd. place and onward saw of me:

James Bond 007: Nightfire:

I don't remember if this was the exact name, but I'm 90% sure this is it. Regardless, I was playing split-screen with some friends on the PS2. Well, the level we played took place in a snowy mountain top, with ski lifts going to either side, and castles as bases. One of my friends decided that he was going to camp and wait to ambush me, since we each only needed one kill. He seemed to know that I was going to make the first move. But, he never accounted for one thing: my extreme skills with rockets and luck. At that moment, I happened to pick up the Sentinel Rocket Launcher. For those that don't know, think of any other remote/video-controlled rocket launcher. There ya go. Let the raping of egos commence.
I fired the rocket, guiding it into a loop-de-loop, for show and because the controls were slightly wonky. He laughed and jumped up and down, proclaiming I would never guide it into the castle. I decided to take him up on that. At that moment, I corrected and piloted the rocket for the door. He looked down, only to see a piloted rocket go straight through the door, right in the middle no less. He panicked and jumped, thinking I would miss and undershoot. Upon luck and reaction, I tilted up on the rocket, and it's trajectory made it's mark: Right in the balls. My rocket busts balls. You've been warned.

Games with Sticky Grenades:
Believe me, you are boned if this option is available. I don't even need to go further.

Grand Theft Auto 4:
Only one of many, but I'll keep it short and sweet: Swingset of Death -> bailing out in midair -> sketching on the ground and off of a person -> bouncing high into the air -> with a sliver of health, I land in the pool. Yeah. It happened.

You might be asking yourself- "Tom-Tom, how can I go about getting better with luck and such?" Well, that would be very easy, my fellow Dtoider: Play the game. A lot. But do things differently. For example, don't take pre-determined paths where you KNOW what will happen, such as choke points, normal roads, weapons with no special features like grenades or explosives, etc. Play these games with a different mindset. Play to be goofy in other words. It is not guaranteed. To get luck, requires a metric ton of it. But the results are worth their hilarity value in the time you spent getting to that point. You might laugh hard enough to get ripped abs, a la Chet. Science has proven this. Maybe.

So next time you enter a game with me, be aware if you are on the opposing side. There will be a force that will always be watching...waiting...stalking...and will eventually luck-fuck you in game.

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About Dr Rockyowitzone of us since 11:47 PM on 07.31.2008

Sup. I'm Thomas, or as I've become accustomed to the screen name I gave myself recently because I'm slightly unoriginal, Dr. Rockyowitz.

I just graduated from Texas A&M University with a degree in English and a focus in Creative Writing. So here's hoping that gets me somewhere. I would love to work on writing for games on either the industry side, or for a website. Or, do the music for video games.

I play guitar and write a lot of music. So there's that, and you can check my stuff out at www.youtube.com/tomtom777otz
Xbox LIVE:YinYangRonin
PSN ID:RoninZero777
Steam ID:tomtomzero


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