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LONG BLOG

Every game I played in 2009 reviewd in haiku form

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This went over pretty well last year, so using my patented Three Blogs A Year� technology, here is the 2009 edition of Every Game I Played This Year Reviewed in Haiku Form. Enjoy!

Borderlands - 8/10
Terrible story
Amazing everything else
No replay value

Street Fighter IV - 10/10
I've no doubts saying
The best fighter ever made
Taiguhw Uppahcawt!

Halo 3: ODST - 7/10
Don't care for multi
Best Halo campaign so far
Bad animation

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 - 5/10
I thought they told us
They're no longer making shit
Sub-standard brawler

Br�tal Legend - 7/10
Shows great potential
Nick Chester sucks at this game
Fuck yeah, Mot�rhead

Red Faction: Guerrilla - 6/10
Hammer Smash... Building
A very fun mechanic
But not much to do

Banjo Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts - 7/10
Smart innovation
Sadly marred by poor controls
Have patience, it's fun

Shadow Complex - 10/10
Perfect except for
Its laughably bad writing
I hate teh gayz now

XMen Origins Wolverine - 8/10
Lunge, combo, repeat
Logan has not a conscience
Good on you, Marvel

Ghostbusters - 8/10
As far as "Gears clones"
I have to rank this the best
Bill fuckin' Murray

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand - 7/10
Why are you laughing?
It was actually fun
Don't judge me, okay

[Prototype] - 7/10
Blatently better
Than its weaker counter part
So suck it, fanboys

Star Ocean: The Last Hope - 7/10
Edge Maverick? Really?
Redeemed by battle system
Stop saying "'kay?" whore

Tomb Raider Underworld - 4/10
Abomination
Only insane English girls
Buy this kind of crap

Infinite Undiscovery - 1/10
This game makes me think
I was too harsh on Ms. Croft
Worst game ever made

Afro Samurai - 6/10
A standard brawler
Not enough to hold interest
Nice art style though

Pure - 7/10
Fun, brief destraction
I'm not much for racing games
A steal at ten bucks

Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard - 5/10
It was a nice thought
But the execution sucked
It's not Hazard time

Lord of the Rings: Conquest - 6/10
It may not be great
But it's better than you'd think
Needs better check points

Lost Planet - 6/10
Why theres a sequel
Is beyond my reckoning
Hey, you kill bugs good

Prince of Persia - 8/10
Easy and gorgeous
Reminds me of your mother
Worst ending ever

Dead Space - 9/10
One of my favorites
Asimov and Arthur C
Would have been honored

Saint's Row 2 - 8/10
Doesn't get dumber
Also doesn't get more fun
You've been sprayed with shit

Call of Duty: World at War - 6/10
Level design blows
I also hit a few bugs
Go away Treyarch

Dash of Destruction - 3/10
Yes, I am a whore
But for roughly three minutes
It really was fun

Grand Theft Auto: Episodes from Liberty City (TLAD and TBoGT) - 5/10
Start making movies
Stop making video games
Your stories are great

Red Star - 8/10
Very punishing
Great mash of shmup and shooter
Thanks again, Topher

Arkham Asylum - 9/10
One serious flaw
To have been game of the year
Bale should have voiced him

Punch-Out!! - 8/10
I do believe that
African American
has procured my bike

Little King's Story - 8/10
There's city building?
Run around, kill shit, upgrade?
HOOK IT TO MY VEINS

Muramasa: The Demon Blade - 8/10
I sincerely feel
Prettiest game ever made
And it's on the Wii!

Killer 7 - 3/10
As a game, it's shit
Maybe better on YouTube
Nerd rage incoming

Folklore - 5/10
I expected more
What's "bored to tears" in Gaelic?
Less cut scenes, more game

King of Fighters XII - 5/10
I played it pre-patch
It's broken ugly garbage
Street Fighter fanboy

Madworld - 8/10
If it weren't on Wii
No one would give a god damn
Not to say it's bad

Henry Hatsworth & The Puzzling Adventure - 6/10
Funny characters
But sub standard platforming
Layton not amused

Professor Heinz Wolff's Gravity - 6/10
Fun and challenging
But too much like a Flash game
The Wii remote sucks

Retro Game Challenge - 7/10
It's eight games in one
GTFO RPG
Star Prince is the best

Animal Crossing: City Folk - 2/10
Only pedos play?
That's insulting to pedos
Debt and mortgage sim

Grand Theft Auto: China Town Wars - 4/10
As a left-hander
This game was unplayable
I felt handicapped

Drawn Together - 4/10
Shitty platformer
Useless gimmick on the side
Try harder, 5th Cell

Lock's Quest - 6/10
Like all tower games
It wears out its welcome quick
Keep trying, 5th Cell

Scribblenauts - 7/10
Congrats, you've done it!
You made a game worth playing!
Still room to improve

Far Cry 2 - 7/10
There's a lot to hate
Jamming guns and worthless friends
Fresh and unique, though

Resistance 2 - 5/10
You mean I shoot guns
At enemy aliens!?
INCONCEIVABLE

Moon - 4/10
All fun to be had
Taken away by one thing
Piss-poor control scheme

Valkyria Chronicles - 9/10
JSRPG
Reason to own PS3
Fairly difficult

Uncharted 2 - 9/10
It should get a 1
For making the mistake of
Not starring Sully

A Boy and His Blob - 8/10
Reminds me of Braid
Not as pretty or clever
Great in its own right

Persona 4 - 9/10
Hour 53
I can't remember my name
Game has absorbed me

Katamari Forever - 7/10
NAAAA NA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NAAAAAAAAA ...yeah, it's good

BlazBlue - 6/10
Perfectly gorgeous
Inpenetrable systems
Hi, Boobie-lady

Fat Princess - 8/10
Chubby-chasing dwarfs
Maim and slaughter each other
Big is beautiful

Flower - 7/10
Zen, and relaxing
It's become Operation?
Way to kill the mood

Noby Noby Boy - 7/10
I just ate my ass
What is this I don't even
I AM TRIPPING BALLS

Dragon Age: Origins - 10/10
Rich lore and setting
Great writing, naked witch-babes
PLUS IT'S GOT DRAGONS \m/(X_X)\m/

Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time - 9/10
Clank's levels are great
Improvement upon the last
Qwarks the true hero

Assassin's Creed II - 4.5/10
lol
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About Jesus H Christone of us since 8:46 PM on 09.15.2008

Jesus "H" Christ (May 13, 1922 � April 25, 2009) was an American actress, comedian and singer whose career spanned seven decades. Christ achieved fame as the character Maude Findlay on the 1970s sitcoms All in the Family and Maude, and as Dorothy Zbornak on the 1980s sitcom The Golden Girls, winning Emmy Awards for both roles. A stage actress both before and after her television success, she won the Tony Award for Best Featured Actress in a Musical for her performance as Vera Charles in the original cast of Mame (1966).

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