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RANT: A Dinner Plate Upon A Toothpick, or The 360 D-Pad Has Got To Fucking Go


So, I've tried to adjust. I've tried to accept that things in life aren't always what you want them to be.

I want to believe that it is something to overcome, like a hurdle - by surpassing the thing that holds you back, you must somehow become better than you were before. It's like Piccolo and Goku training with weighted clothes, right? That must be it.

But here, at the end of my near-infinite patience, I find no such solace. No rainbow pointing the way to a pot of gold filled with immeasurable skillsets. No pearly, gilded gates forming the border of what separates perfect reason from perfect madness. Not even a card in the mail detailing how the last 2 years have been a giant joke played on me by a faceless corporation who thinks that I and my ilk are second-class controller-jockey citizens.

In short, I have fucking had it.

Playing fighting games on 360 is great, it's got the online experience I have always wanted, with little to no hiccups, never mind outright drops. It's the controller that ruins. It. ALL.

Sure, I could go and pick up a Mad Catz Fightpad. But I wasn't a huge fan of them when I did use them, as they felt too much like playing on a pad of butter changing physical state on a hot baked potato. I am in no way, shape or form a rich man, so blowing money on a decent fightstick isn't that much of an option, especially that faptastic Tournament Edition SFIV kit.

But, I play on a default D-Pad on the controller I have been supplied. And I have made do.
But no longer, damn it. No fucking longer.

After playing...let's see...SSF2T:HDR, SFIV, MVC2, KOFXII, GAROU, SAMSHO2, BATTLE FANTASIA, BLAZBLUE and SOULCALIBUR4 with this piece of shit, I've finally hit my breaking point with TEKKEN 6. Tekken-fucking-SIX. I deserve a goddamn medal for putting up with this, and so does anyone else who's trudged through the sea of bullshit that Microsoft has so conveniently placed in between fighting game fans and a small island called "fun."

See, I do fine on PS3. The D-Pad makes sense, and it's functional as hell, and may very well be the finest control apparatus I have ever used. Simplistic and trustworthy, like an aging dog who just wants his daily walks. I'm more than happy to oblige that kind old friend.

But the 360 D-Pad is anything but. I have no animal to equate it with. I imagine it would be something that pisses in your detergent bottles, shits in all of the beds and clean towels, and tries to outright rape your houseguests in any orifice it finds handy at the time, snarling all the while. It's not like putting it to sleep would do any good. It won't even be stopped by bullets. It demands an official fucking exorcism to truly be rid of its unholy taint.

Microsoft, you need to fucking fix this. You just can't play fighting games on this piece of shit pad. It breaks the laws of natural physics, for anyone's sakes, be it Christ, Buddha, Ieyasu Tokugawa for all I fucking care. This ends now.

It's as if you placed a giant dinner plate upon a toothpick and asked me to perform a symphony on it.
You fucking assholes.
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About Everyday Legendone of us since 1:32 PM on 08.24.2009

I am the Everyday Legend, and I am a male, 31-year old Florida native and videogame fan of the most epicurean order. I'm also the father of a very precocious (almost) three-year-old daughter, and a newborn daughter as well!

My natural state: very, very tired.

I got into gaming when I was 5, and my Aunt and Uncle had an NES that they had bought because they thought it was the coolest thing ever. As a matter of fact, they weren't too far off of the mark. I was introduced to Super Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt (naturally), and soon followed up with the very first Zelda. I remember the very first game I beat by myself - Megaman 2, in 1989. I was six at the time.

Shortly after that, I played Street Fighter II for the first time in a local skating rink and was hooked. Bad. Like, smack-habit bad.

I remember playing against the college kids that would come in there to hang out and chill - there was a lounge connected to the place that you had to be 18 to get in - and a lot of these guys used to come in and spend a ton of time and money on playing SFII. I learned how to play from these guys, and within a year, I had become just as good as they were. I was hanging out with people almost twice my age, and conversing with them on their level about a mutual passion - and that's where I've been ever since.

Videogames don't make up my entire life: I cook, I write, I sing, I have a full-time career in IT and am still attending college for a degree in Computer Science, then moving into a Masters in Information Systems Management. Gotta have goals.

Nothing beats a good trip to a good bar where they serve good beer and have a good selection of good tunes. Also, chilled Junmai Ginjo (unfiltered) sake is the nectar of the gods, in case you weren't aware. Of course, those trips are very rare these days, because there is always another diaper to change, and leaving your kid at home in the crib is never an option if you want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror.

Oh, and I really, really love sushi. I can put away amounts of that stuff that some may label as borderline genocidal. I put species of fish on the endangered list singlehandedly. I'm not ashamed. It's their own fault for being born so damn delicious.

XBL (defunct): Everyday Legend
PSN: Everyday_Legend
STEAM: Everyday Legend
Skype: everydaylegend

Your eyes do not deceive you. There's a trend.

See you out there.

- EL
Xbox LIVE:Everyday Legend
PSN ID:Everyday_Legend


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