I've been dreaming of you from a distance. I sit in the coffee shop, and watch you make delectable frothy toppings on all of my peppermint mochas... but why can't I talk to you? I secretly admire you, because of your stunning abs.
I've heard your penis jokes, and seen your robot helmet. I know you so well, but doubt you have the slightest knowledge of how those things affect yours truly. I just want to touch you, but don't know how your metallic exterior would feel against my skin.
I love you, Destructoid. I just want to be with you. Will you marry me?