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LONG BLOG

Zombutler & Lemon Discuss #1: Destructoid's Trolls

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(Welcome to Zombutler & Lemon Discuss, a whenever-the-fuck-we-find-something-interesting-to-talk-about-ly article where everyone's favorite Dtoid community members (and Zombutler and Lemon) discuss the news, funny things they find on the internet, and their love for music. In today's article, Zombutler and Lemon talk about Destructoid's troll problem, and how to fix it. Or at the very least, make them less stupid.)

Lemon: Hi, i'm Zombutler.
Zombutler: Wait.
Lemon: NO TIME
Lemon: And I'm also electro lemon. Welcome to Zombutter and Lemon Bread discuss.
Zombutler: HAND SANITIZER!
Lemon: Right on, Zombutler. This week's episode of Zombutler and Lemon Discuss is all about hand sanitizer, and how they're a problem on Destructoid.
Zombutler: I think Hand sanitizers (we'll call them "trolls" for now, it's an acronym) are a persistantly entertaining problem. Really annoying, but hilarious to just watch sometimes, and see how they work. Sorta like pubic lice.
Lemon: Yeah, or Hannah Montana. Wait, no, not that. The opposite of that. Something manly.
Zombutler: You're so gay.
Lemon: You don't know me.

It seems that trolls seem to reside on Destructoid because of Dtoid's ability to pull controversy out of nowhere. A perfect example is their scathing review of inFamous where they gave it an embarrassingly low score of 6.5. I mean, 6.5? Really? IGN's review scale (or as I call it, the review scale) doesn't even go that low. You might as well go up to the developers' respective houses and kick them in the nuts. This low score is what attracts trolls to articles like this, as they try to correct Dtoid's incorrect "opinion" and explain how the game deserves a higher score. nd since their review scale is on a scale of 1 to 10, in this case, a game such as inFamous deserves at least a 10 and a half.

I haven't played the game, but I really like the font used on the cover. What is your take on these so-called hand sanitizers?

Zombutler: First of all, inFAMOUS sucks because the king of video games said so. Second of all, I think that the real beauty of trolls is just how amazing they are at uncovering the truth. I mean, take yesterday's article on the Games on Demand prices (Kameo omg finally). Without HawtRocketHero's fantastic legwork, his research never would have revealed that joys--Destructoid has been accepting weiner sucks for complementary coverage! What an outrage! I sure hope that Grim fellow isn't fired over how low the scor-- how he covered Michael Pachter, once again.

Then again, maybe a new, great video game site could spawn from his termination! They could call it giantpachter. com.

Lemon: tl;dr. That stands for "Too Long; Doctor." I read it on an internet.
Zombutler: Your wife is dead.
Lemon: Pics or it didn't happen. Hah, isn't that such a funny thing to say?

Regarding Grim's Games on Demand article: I must agree with HawtPawkitBadass's view that Mr. Dr. Salvador "Grim" did indeed give blowies in exchange for money. But it's too bad that it's the last article he will ever write. According to Niero's community guidelines, "Our rules for banning are pretty straightforward: spamming, trolling, racism, posting NSFW stuff, and other forms of sucking will not be tolerated." I believe sucking a man's penis is indeed an "other form of sucking", so I will bid a fond farewell to him as I did to our favorite world-famous Destructoid editor, Dr. "Nex" Boa.

Zombutler: Did you see that movie film The Watchman? It was too long. ANYWAY.
Lemon: I own a watch, man.
Zombutler: I think that what we need to focus on here is that TROLLIN, SON, is not just a disease that flares on the front pages of the Destructoid Weekly Times. There are community blog spots, forums, and this thing called "IRK" where the destructoid team has joined forces with Perverted Justice™ to help take care of perverted internet alien vs. predators. But that's another story, for hopefully no day, because I don't wanna talk about it, ok? She said she was 67. She lied.

The forums are an awesome place, mainly because they are hard to find and smelly. Which adds charm. Unfortunately, this makes it easier than ever for spammers and TROLLZ, SON, to start flame wars (whatever that is. comic book thing?) and arguments that get out of control and end up scaring the children. Think of the chilluns, please. What we need to do, is enforce a new strike team, entitled "THE STRIKE TEAM" to fly to these TROLLZ, SON,'s houses, while dressed as David Jaffe, and shout spoilers for ABC's Better Off Ted.

Lemon: Wait, what's a forum?
Zombutler: Shit, I don't know. I got that stuff off of Wikipedia.
Lemon: I love Better Off Ted. I once had the idea to make a spin-off comedy series called "Butter Off Ted" about a man in love with a piece of bread. If it got popular enough, I'd make another spin-off called "Beat Ted Off." It's about an offbeat man named Ted suffering from extreme dyslexia. But there's funny about nothing dyslexia. It's a drama. Wait, what were we talking about. Trolls, right?

One thing admirable about HawtPocketRocket that I saw was how he mentioned that he had a "real job" and would not be able to go to PAX, and I say good for him. Assuming that he doesn't get fired between now and PAX in September, it's safe to say we won't be seeing him at the convention, and it's a good thing, as PAX is pretty much a gateway to the welfare line.

Zombutler: Hey Lemon. My hot pockets are ready.
Lemon: You fuck. You made hot pockets and didn't tell me?
Zombutler: I'VE ONLY GOT TWENTY TWO LEFT, THERE'S NOT ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US.
Lemon: Oh, okay. Well that's it for this week's episode of As the World Turns. I'm Helen Wagner-
Zombutler: And I'm electro Lemon.
Zombutler & Lemon: Goodnight, Cleveland!
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About garbaggioone of us since 8:53 PM on 04.10.2008

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Xbox LIVE:electro lemon
PSN ID:electro_lemon
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