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LONG BLOG

73 Potential/Rejected Harry Potter Titles

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I originally got this idea after some comments from Giant Bomb�s Ryan Davis when he was doing a Quick Look of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince for the 360. Obviously poking fun at the franchise, some of the names of Harry Potter books/movies were Harry Potter and the Mysterious Death of Tupac, and Harry Potter and the 9/11 Conspiracy.



I thought it was hilarious and decided that while standing around tearing tickets at the movie theater I work at, I would list some potential/rejected titles for future Harry Potter books/movies despite they�re already done with the books. Call it a rebirth. My initial goal was 50, which I surpassed and eventually ended at 73. Below are the titles there were compiled, and probably half of them sound like pornos.

As I began writing up summaries for some of the entries, the creepy sensation of fan-fiction started to kick in, causing me to stop almost immediately.

1. Harry Potter and the Mysterious Death of Tupac
2. Harry Potter and the 9/11 Conspiracy

3. Harry Potter and the City of Pedophiles � The city is actually deserted, save for one inhabitant, who at one time was a pedophile. Somehow connected to Voldemort, trick to get Harry and friends.

4. Harry Potter and the Nazi Concentration Camps � Voldemort has discovered and reopened a Nazi Concentration Camp with magic. Tries to cremate Harry.

5. Harry Potter and the Resident Sex Offender

6. Harry Potter and the Failed Meth Lab Experiment � Harry and friends try to cook up some meth in Potions class and fail.

7. Harry Potter and the Tylenol Overdose
8. Harry Potter and the AIDS Epidemic

9. Harry Potter and the Ku Klux Klan � Voldemort assumes control of the KKK, which eventually becomes the Death Eaters (PREQUEL)

10. Harry Potter and the Robot Apocalypse � Voldemort sends an army of constructs to attack Hogwarts, hundreds are killed.

11. Harry Potter and the Robot Apocalyspe Part II: Zombie Apocalypse � The radiation from the constructs seeps into the groundwater and infects those that drink from it, creating zombies to attack Hogwarts.

12. Harry Potter and the Prison Shower � Harry is arrested and sent to Azkaban and endures several adventures here until his friends break him out.

13. Harry Potter and the Broken Condom
14. Harry Potter and the Arson Misdemeanor
15. Harry Potter and the March of the Gays

16. Harry Potter and the Exploitation of Illegal Immigrants � House elves are considered to be illegal immigrants now and the Ministry of Magic starts to crack down on the practice.

17. Harry Potter and the Stand-up Cannibal (almost sounds like a Goosebumps book)

18. Harry Potter and the Compulsory Vasectomies � A new law is put into effect that forces all males ot get vasectomies in order to control the wizarding population.

19. Harry Potter and the Failed Abortion (also Harry Potter: The Failed Abortion)

20. Harry Potter and the Big Ass Ramp � Harry and company take part in a high speed chase, that involves jumping over a big ass ramp.

21. Harry Potter and the Visit from the Coke Man

22. Harry Potter and the Childhood Rape � Harry recalls a memory from both his past and Voldemort�s causing a mutual contempt for their upbringing.

23. Harry Potter and the Anal Sex Slave
24. Harry Potter and the Fist of God
25. Harry Potter and the Missing Gerbil

26. Harry Potter and the Protruding Growth � Something emerges from Harry�s body that appears to be magical. Harry is looked down for his perverse object.

27. Harry Potter and the Missing Testicle
28. Harry Potter and the Manifest Destiny

29. Harry Potter and the Hackey Sack Gang � Harry joins a group of hackey sack players that are being used by Voldemort to kill Harry.

30. Harry Potter and the Frat Party

31. Harry Potter and the Tri-Wizard Solitaire Tournament � Several years after the events of Goblet of Fire, a new tournament arises where Wizards compete in the most epic competition imaginable: Solitaire.

32. Harry Potter and the Dead Parakeet

33. Harry Potter and the Beanie Babie Collection � Malfoy taunts Harry and the rest of Hogwarts with his wealth and being able to purchase every Pokemon card created. Harry counters by collecting Beanie Babies, but realizes his collection is well past its prime.

34. Harry Potter and the Cursed Coloring Book

35. Harry Potter and Abercrombie & Fitch � Harry faces off against a clothing company known for furnishing the biggest pricks in the wizarding community. Harry casts a middle finger spell at them to show his disgust.

36. Harry Potter and the Designer Strap-on
37. Harry Potter and the Broken Bong

38. Harry Potter and the Moon � Harry Potter goes to the FREAKIN� MOON!

39. Harry Potter and the Tri-Wizard Drinking Tournament
40. Harry Potter Goes to Washington

41. Harry Potter and the Disney Channel Clusterfuck � Harry Potter faces off against the likes of Hillary Duff, Ashley Tisdale, Zac Effron, Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, and the surprise hidden guest Hayden Pantierre.

42. Harry Potter and the Petting Zoo
43. Harry Potter and the Lopsided Boob
44. Harry Potter and the Pearl Necklace
45. Harry Potter and the Curse of the Cleveland Steamer
46. Harry Potter and the Drive-by Shooting
47. Harry Potter and the Clap
48. Harry Potter and the Snapping Turtle
49. Harry Potter and the Suicidal Japanese Kids

50. Harry Potter and the Golden Shower � Dumbledore asks for Harry�s presence as he bestows upon him a new protection against the Dark Arts.

51. Harry Potter and the Enlarged Prostate
52. Harry Potter and the Douche of Kindness
53. Harry Potter and the Swastika of Truth
54. Harry Potter and the Forbidden Erection
55. Harry Potter and the Elephantitis of the Balls

56. Harry Potter and the Marshmallow of Gobbling � The Weasley Twins accidently unleash an enchanted Marshmallow that constantly eats.

57. Harry Potter and the Mahogany Doldrums � This actually sounds like a legit title for a Harry Potter book/movie.

58. Harry Potter and the 12-Year-Old Genocide � Voldemort plots to rid the world of 12-year-olds. No one bothers to stop him.

59. Harry Potter and the Stonemasons of Incest

60. Harry Potter and the Pencilbox of Thieves � Harry finds a pencilbox that causes the user to write down instructions for major heists whenever they pick up a quill.

61. Harry Potter and the Violent Crayons � Coloring with these crayons drains the user of their bodily fluids that correspond with the color of the crayon.

62. Harry Potter and the Next-Door Neighbors
63. Harry Potter and the Exodus to Payless
64. Harry Potter and the Heroin Addict
65. Harry Potter and the Tight Underwear of Hate
66. Harry Potter and the Play-dough Puppeteers

67. Harry Potter and the Molester�s Nephew � Actually the first book in terms of history of Harry Potter, just like the Magician�s Nephew in Chronicles of Narnia. Don�t ask, I don�t write this.

68. Harry Potter and the Chode of Destiny

69. lol (immaturity overwhelms me)

70. Harry Potter and the Blisters of Magic
71. Harry Potter and the Possessed MILF�s
72. Harry Potter and the Slightly Sacred Tomb
73. Harry Potter and the Pussy Cat Brigade
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About TeknoDwarfone of us since 2:51 AM on 04.21.2008

I'm a Journalism Major at Eastern Washington University. I love playing games and writing about them. Whenever I have enough time in my procrastination cycles, I'll periodically update this blog with new entries. Video games will be my focus, but I'll also share the occasional Dungeons & Dragons anecdote or similar nerdy misadventure.

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