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LONG BLOG

Those About to Die: DON'T LAUGH AT ME: The Enemies of Mega Man X

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KNOCK IT OFF, JESUS!

Getting laughed at is kinda humiliating. It sucks when, say, you're siting down to enjoy a nice cookout, and you sit down in a deck chair, and it snaps in two, dropping you to the ground. Or, when you pleasure a woman for the first time. Being ridiculed sure is a downer. Especially when the only defense against people laughing at you is to run away crying (or mace, if you've got it handy). Thankfully, a game like Mega Man X exists where, if we get laughed at, we can at least blast the shit out of our tormentors.

Sure, in the past, other enemies have taunted me disgraced me, whatever. But, these have usually been big, larger-than-life bosses, who actually DO have the ability to put me on my ass. MMX, on the other hand, has a handful of lesser drones that giggle like a dude seeing another dude get hit in the junk. These enemies love damaging you, then rubbing that fact into your face with a few laughs:

DIG LABOUR
Hey, Dig Labour. Fuck you.

ATTACK: This bastard loves standing on platforms you've gotta get up on, while chucking pickaxes at you. Watch out how you dodge these, because they tend to throw their weapons in a DIRECT angle towards you. Oh, and how they love to chuckle as you bite it trying to make a jump over lava, only to fall to your doom. Bastards.

LOCATION: The lava room on Flame Mammoth's stage and the various tunnels of Armored Armadillo's level.

FAVORITE INSULT TO HURL AT THEM: Nazi sympathizer, only because it's horrible and they never expect it.

METHOD OF DESTRUCTION: If I have access to X's secondary weapon, I fully enjoy charging up the Rolling shield, causing a barrier to surround me. I then block the pickaxe attack and run right over the bastard. WHEE!

AXEMAN
Hey, Axeman. Fuck you.

ATTACK: I still don't understand how and why he exists: Axeman loves hiding out in forests and winter tundras (?), chopping down a MECHANICAL LOG that keeps replenishing itself. Completely useless. But, he uses this to his advantage. To attack, his axe magically shoots out parts of mechanical log he just chopped off. After 2 shots, he gets 2 more. Sure, the log cuts are fun to run/ride on, but if these assholes hot you with the logs, they think it's the funniest goddamn thing they've done all day.
Assholes.

LOCATION: A forest (duh), home to Sting Chameleon, and, oddly enough, the frozen wasteland headquarters of Chill Penguin.

FAVORITE INSULT TO HURL AT THEM: Paraplegic, 'cause they've got no legs. DISABILITIES LOL.

METHOD OF DESTRUCTION: Well, since they can't turn around. I love nothing more than shoving a Fire Wave up his ass. Nothing beats retribution like a fire-roasted sphincter.

JAMMINGER
Hey, Jamminger. Fuck you.

ATTACK; Oh ho ho. These douchebags are what made me think about this list in the first place: the first real enemies that laugh at you, the Jammingers love swooping in from off the screen, ramming straight into you with little to no warning. Completely disrupting a jump, or making you miss a perfect shot, they cackle with childlike glee. Nothing has aggravated me more in games then these flying hell-fuckers.
Douchebags.

LOCATION: Oh, these fuckers start with you from the begining highway level, through Chill Penguin's domain, into Boomer Kuwanger's tower, and beyond! There's no escaping their chuckles...

FAVORITE INSULT TO HURL AT THEM: Sheeny, because I'm a racist.

METHOD OF DESTRUCTION: Actually, these are the first guys on the list I actually like to have ht me. Why? So that, while they're guffawing it up, I can blast a Homing Torpedo straight in their ugly mug. Who's laughing now, dickweed?
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About pendelton21one of us since 12:07 AM on 02.13.2008


Well...hello.

My name is Pendelton (well, not really, but it sounds cool).
At one point in my life I spent a hell of a lot of time here. I came back for no real reason. Let's see if I can entertain like I used to.
Also, I've got a Destructoid tattoo. Ask me and I'll show you.

Hey, look! I've been on the front page a few times!
The Fear: Chainsaws
A Time To Destroy: Rampage
Playing with Others: My Dad and I Love Shaq Fu
I suck at games: I Suck At World 8-1

Also:
Dtoid Discusses: Media Tie-ins to Gaming
WTF is this shit, Pendelton21?

Top 10 Loved Games Evar:
1. Psychonauts
2. Skies of Arcadia
3. Okami
4. Mega Man X
5. Zombies Ate My Neighbors
6. The Binding of Isaac
7. Chrono Trigger
8. Odin Sphere
9. Super Mario RPG: Legend Of The Seven Stars
10. The Legend Of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass

Bottom 10 Games:
10. Diplomacy
9. Shaq Fu
8. Halo
7. Draconus: Cult of the Wyrm
6. Castlevania 64
5. Backyard Hockey
4. Magical Starsign
3. Spawn Armageddon
2. Simpsons Wrestling
1. MTV Sports: Skateboarding
Xbox LIVE:pendelton21


 

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