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The Legend of Kakaimo

The year is 2002. I'm in 3rd grade, and Kingdom Hearts is making it's first commercial appearances on Cartoon Network. I've just finished eating a plate of chicken nuggets and was getting up to bring my plate to the sink when some great music gets on. I turn my head and see what commercial it is. I see this awesome guy with brown hair and big shoes kicking these little black thing's ass, then Goofy and Donald Duck appear on the screen. Then this really hot anime chick appears on the screen. Unfortunately, unknown to me, that hot anime chick is Riku. And even more unknown to me, Riku is a guy. Oops.

I am mesmerized by the epicness of this commercial for this game called Kingdom Hearts. Ass kicking, hot chicks, Disney characters, what's not to love? Well, it's 9:30 (my bedtime), and I'm off to hit the hay. The next morning I wake up, my mind surging with ideas for a new game that the lone Kingdom Hearts commercial instilled in me. I must share these ideas with my two friends Yianni (who is Greek) and Bijan (who is Iranian, but he likes to say he's Persian). Yes, I know, I have a very racially mixed social posse.

The bell rings for recess time. I meet Bijan and Yianni by the front swingset like usual and explain my ideas. My idea was a game nearly identical to Kingdom Hearts, but with *slightly* different characters and a *slightly* different story. The main character, me, was a young boy named Kakaimo who wielded a spiky, intricate blue staff with great power and had spiky, intricate blue hair that may or may not have had great power as well. He was born on an island (ha.) where he lived and skated on a hover skateboard (because hover skateboards are cool). Unfortunately, as Yhatzee gracefully put it, the tits went up and the shit went down and Kakaimo finds the staff on his island before he narrowly escapes on his hover skateboard. Please let me tell you that I seriously DID NOT play Kingdom Hearts at this time, and all of the similarities between my story and the game are completely coincidences. Or maybe I'm just magic. Maybe.

I asked my friends what they wanted their characters to be. Bijan, who is a dark-skinned, brown-eyed, semi-chubby Persian kid said that he wanted to be Jace, a young blonde-haired blue-eyed mechanic who has a lightsaber and a hovership. Yianni wanted to be Yoshi, a ninja. Yeah, that's it. This choice is most likely due to his obsession with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Super Mario Brothers.

The story starts off with Kakaimo escaping to a nameless, mysterious city where he meets Jace (how he does this I do not remember). Kakaimo asks him what happened to his island, and Jace says that a hot, evil woman by the name of Serruptura who commands an evil army attacked your island. Unfortunately, the vision of this evil, hot villianess is that of Riku. No homo. Kakaimo asks Jace if he wishes to join him on his quest to destroy Serruptura. Jace accepts, and says that they're going to need the help of his ninja ally, Yoshi. Jace takes Kakaimo to an abandoned warehouse where Yoshi lives and trains. Unfortunately, Yoshi gets frightened and attacks our two heroes, being the first official boss battle. Once Jace and Kakaimo defeat Yoshi, Yoshi joins the party.

The rest of the story is way too long to state, seeing as the epic saga lasted at least 50 recesses. A very long LARP indeed. If you want to call it a LARP, that is. I really don't care. Moving on. A lot of the boss battles and segments of the game are taken from different games that affected me, like Madness Combat and House of The Dead 2. When I was little, my Grandpa took me to a nearby arcade which housed a House of The Dead 2 cabinet. In his infinite wisdom (god rest his soul) he let me play it. I had nightmares for a week. I'm still mourning for the loss of G.

The final boss comes along, an epic battle between Kakaimo and Serruptura ensues. Kakaimo wins. The day is saved. Hallelujah. Details of the battle and the ending have escaped me unfortunately. Write a fanfic if you want, I don't care.

Point of the story: this is how video games have affected me. They instilled creativity within me and, in my opinion, made me a more intelligent thinker. Who knew that a single game commercial would create such an epic, 50 recess-long story? Looking back, many of us can probably relate to video-game-related experiences we had when we were younger. I have my old diary next to me, which basically is full of my 8-year-old angst. Flipping through, I found an entry I wrote that simply said "I hat dad he wont let me get kinjdom hearts". Apparently, I hated my dad because he wouldn't let me get Kingdom Hearts. The funny thing is is that I eventually got it and hated it. Irony at its greatest. On the cover of said juvenile diary is a picture of an intricate staff and the words "Do not open or suffer the wrath of Kakamo." My mom wrote that for me and misspelled Kakaimo. Deep down, I am still the great warrior Kakaimo. I think there's a little Kakaimo in all of us.

Here's the viddy which sparked a saga: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJLuQRDm5vM&feature=PlayList&p=293EBB949A68C3C3&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=45

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About TheDRMasterone of us since 8:37 PM on 04.19.2009

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