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LONG BLOG

For Those About to Die: YOU CANNOT DIE YOU ARE A ROBOT!

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How is it that a final boss can die at the end of a game if he was never once alive? Will Smith destroyed a contingent of plastic bullies in "I, Robot" but he did not technically ever kill a single one of those angry mannequin gadgets. They had no life to take.

So be it. Let our shallow understand of what is life dictate to us if our favorite villains have died. Did Mechagodzilla die? Sure he did; I fucked him up, he fell to pieces, good enough. But what about us few who want to fully explore underlying themes in our favorite games, us few who manage to find meaning in petty games where there is no meaning? We brave few delve into the dark annals of videogame history to see if our foes ever did die. Once we deeply examine our games we find it is simply not so easy.


Misunderstood genius or greedy computer mastermind?

Dr. Ivo Robotnik is one such example. Hidden in the not-so-subtle nuances of his name we find that he may indeed be of robotic origin. A product of centuries of human innovation. Does he still walk among us, rebuilt and better than before? Is he dead? Was he ever really killed? Whatever the answer we will strive boldly where no man has gone before breaking into secrets and conspiracies of international proportions. This is one hedgehog's nightmare.

What of the bird and the bear? They have faced menaces of metal, gigantic steel hulks, Weldar and witches.



I am of course speaking of Banjo and Kazooie. They have fought enemies like Robo-Gruntilda in her massive drilling machine to visually impaired welding torches.



The epic saga of good versus evil, of noble animal versus insidious magician will never end. Grunty is a fine example of one who cannot be killed. She lingers on; her bones held together by money grubbing corporations looking to milk just a couple more dollars out of her. Gruntilda is a victim of her own success, never once allowed to lay peacefully buried in the ground.... under a boulder.

And so we somehow manage to get to the screaming question; can Mr. Destructoid be killed? Is he truly a robot? Is he simply a man in disguise? For all we know this cast-iron crusader could be here with us now, never alive, never dead, impossible to destroy.
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About Atlasone of us since 7:15 PM on 09.16.2007

First off is my highest honour -- my shit on the front page of Destructoid.


I was born back in the days of yore, when 3-D graphics were only a dream.

I like games.

Super Nintendo had to be one of the best consoles. Mario, Metroid, Link, Kirby, Donkey Kong and everyone else came to the party. Good times.

I own a Super Nintendo, N64, Gamecube, Wii, PS1, PS2, PSP, Xbox, Xbox 360, Gameboy Pocket, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advance, and a DS.

I regret missing some of the good old days, back in the early 90's, because I was too young to appreciate a good game when it smacked me in the face. Such is the folly of youth.

Somedays I wish I could have lived through such tumultuous times, what with the advent of Spandex tights and Rap, but then I think that it is much better to live longer and be younger than all of you people who did enjoy Super Metroid and Mario Kart in it's heyday and just be content with an emulator and a Xbox 360 controller.


Favorite Games: Mario series, Donkey Kong Country/64, Metroid series, Legend of Zelda series, Fable, Halo series, Shadow of the Colossus, GTA series, God of War 1 and 2, Morrowind, Oblivion, Tales of Symphonia, Final Fantasy X, Banjo Kazooie/Tooie and more that I can't recall.


Send me a friends request if you dare, just send a message telling me you're from Destructoid so I don't think you're a 63 year old pedophile masquerading as a teenage girl to lure gullible, young boys to your basement. And if that description both fits you and you are from Destructoid then expect to recieve my home phone number and address.

Update: One year later

New games I would add to my favorites are Gears of Wars series, Fallout 3, Mass Effect, Bioshock (hey, I was playing it when I joined!), and other games I cannot recall. Some games I have loved for a long time but forgot to list over a year ago are Rome: Total War, the top Mario games, and the main Pokemon GB games. The rest escape me at this time.



So these days God no longer compels you to blog, Atlas is Fontaine, and generally speaking I am pretty well known around these parts. (I hope) I regret not joining Destructoid sooner, when I first had the chance with a link from Chad Concelmo's IGN blog. Even he was born in the primordial soup IGN was, or so it would seem. I no longer frequent there or other gaming sites except from time to time because Destructoid is hopefully my internet home from here on out. A great place to be, cheers to another year at Destructoid!

Update: Another year later

Okay, so year three isn't going that great. I haven't blogged for six months and have barely visited the site. In fact, it is nearly November and my 2 years happened almost 2 months ago in early September. Damn life, going outside into the real world is time consuming! I haven't even turned on a videogame since April... (until just recently!) But of course I haven't forgotten about Dtoid; THE GREATEST SITE ON THE WEB! Sorry Dtoid, I will try to live less and Dtoid more.

Update: Another few years later

So life hit me... I still visit this site when I can... to think I started visiting this site when I was 15, and made an account two weeks after I turned 16... I'm 20 now, Destructoid is practically part of my life story at this point, even if I disappear for years at a time. Still, I remember the good old days, the days when Dtoid was like the Wild West, when I was at my most active, and when we would open the gates of Hell in our mischief, always walking on the edge of the banhammer. Now I'm just an ancient, obscure memory to the last surviving cowboys, a group even to this day I feel I'm a part of. Still, I raise my glass to you. Good times Destructoid, good times!

Oh, and to a few of us oldsters, Atlas is Fontaine.

Xbox LIVE:T0M HANKZ
Mii code:[email protected]


 

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