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Nintendo has Given up on the Hardcore and are now Trying to Kill the New Userbase!


Years ago, when I was but a boy, I had a game system that ruled all other game systems, designed by a company that ruled all other game companies. That system was a Super Nintendo. That company's name was Nintendo. But lately it seems that Nintendo has abandoned us, the older, more hardcore gamer, in favor of greener, less hardcore kids. And a game system that's for kids or moms or dads or old smelly people, I don't feel that that's appropriate. I need to be pandered to now that the economy is down the drain, and I don't feel like spending hard earned money on a system where other people can have fun doing worthless things and buying accessories for their little Wii-penises. I need games, and more specifically, games that I won't whine about. And not only have they given up on us hardcore gamers, they're doing a good job at trying to kill the more relaxed "vaginas" that buy their games now, too.

Nintendo has done a pretty good job getting the "basics" of their library out there, releasing one of the numerous sequels to all of their major franchises in the past few years, but I don't feel that their production numbers are very good. One new Mario game? One new Zelda game? I need more, and I need them now. Yeah, there may be "third-party" games out there, but I don't trust my money to any unknown company that can't even get a system up and running. I mean, how much do you really need to develop a game console with a library of titles? This line is here to see if anyone is reading. I think it's laziness, pure and simple. And don't even get me started on Sega's lazy ass, giving up on the Dreamcast just because it didn't "sell well". Well, I bought one, so my money should've been used to keep the company running. All that "one person can make a difference" crap totally applies here.

Along with giving up on their installed fanbase (the new group of posers I won't even mention), Nintendo is very quietly doing something else. They're trying to kill us. Look at this.

What's the first thing you think of when you see this? If you said blunt object I can use to beat an elderly person to death, you win! I'm surprised FoxNews hasn't picked up on this yet. I know my first reaction opon obtaining a Wii was to viciously beat my cat with my Wii-mote by flailing it wildly around the Wii-strap. Then I ate. And even with the ill-fitting Wii-condom (how do those holes keep the semen in?), you can still swing with sufficiant force the Wii-cock to force injury to the back of a throat. Don't even get me started about what a loose Wii-mote can do to your eyes.

In a way even, the Wii is allowing the terrorists to win, especially because the way the Wii is designed helps the terrorists. With the "gun-realizer-actualler" installed about the head and neck of the Wii-mote, it actually mimicks a real firearm, allowing, of course, for weight, kick-back, and wind. This is no kids toy now, it is, quite literally, a terrorist-producing death machine. With such detailed training programs as Wii-Play (a clever play on words that in Arabic means "Death to Americas") more and more innocent children are being mass-produced to learn to kill(targets, yes, but next?).

So to all you "apologists" out there trying to say "Oh but the Wii does have good games for the hardcore gamer" let me just say that I don't want you in my country supporting terrorists and rape and abortion. You take your damn Wii and move to one of those hippie countries like Canada, or Syria, or North Korea, and you let me keep my freedoms here. Because just because someone else can like something doesn't mean I have to accept or acknowledge it.
#Community    #Wii   
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About blehmanone of us since 8:11 PM on 08.01.2007

Real name: Mike

Amazing gif!

bleh, man
Lives in: Dallas, Tx
Occupation: Mayor of Metro City
Member of: Official Destructoid Beard Club
Consoles: 360, ds, snes, ps2
Hobbies: Games, reading, guitar, drinking

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Old Blogs:
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For Wiisucks:
Hi! My name is Jack Klassen.! I'm a completely ordinary teenage boy from San Diego, California. My interests include soccer, surfing, writing poetry, and luge. I am homeschooled by my father who fought in the Korean War and was exposed to nerve gas. He is kind of crazy but I still love him. We got the Internet two years ago and I started making new friends on Yahoo! messenger. Surprisingly, most of these new friends were older men who wanted to have illegal, underage sex with me. Needless to say, I got a boner like a rocketship and cybersex quickly became my favorite thing in the entire world. Wait, did I say boner like a rocketship? I meant my vagina got as wet as Lake Titicaca. I started saving all of the hot chat sessions I was having with the Pakistanis, lesbians, child molesters and other monsters who were instant messaging me all day and all night, and I decided to put them up here on this website so you can see exactly how disgusting the entire human race is. Since then, I have been in a waterskiing accident that mangled my genitals beyond repair, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, brain cancer, and Crohn's disease, learned to speak Urdu and French, covered my naked body in superglue, went to French lesbian camp, made a Hindu eat a roast beef sandwich out of my vagina, and ruined perfectly good cybersex for at least one hundred people. Use the menu above to find out more about me and start reading my sexy adventures,

Also, I make people from Pheonix Wright cry:

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