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The Greatest Rental EVAR? I think we have a winner.

Hello Destructoid, I've missed you a lot lately. I haven't had much of a chance to blog, due to a combination of my wife and her unstoppable and uncontrollable World of Warcraft habit and my son's recent but no less powerful addiction to using the computer to play crappy PopCap and Nickelodeon games. I had to put a power-on password up on this bitch to punish him today for refusing to get off the computer and eat dinner.

Yeah, don't have kids.

Also, as a side note to myself, I really hope this blog doesn't get buried under a bunch of shitty blogs, a fate that seems predetermined for most blogs anyway at this point. It deserves to be on top of them, as it is the shittiest of them all. I'm sorry.

Anyway, I recently decided to sign up for the much loved GameFly service that so many community members use to "get their game" on or whatever GameStop is calling it these days in their shitty ads. Power to the Players, dawg. But yeah, GameFly. I signed up basically so I could play some of the game I wouldn't buy anyway. Usually I prefer to buy games and I feel bad that renting games isn't exactly something that supports the industry, but at least I'm a paying customer and not breaking any invisible laws that nobody seems to follow these days.

So I feel OK with myself, which is easy in the end considering how much money I will save. I've got 39 games in my GameQ. Also, it allows me to keep up with my best friend in our Achievement battle, since I don't actually go out of my way for them usually. With GameFly, I can at least keep up.

So what did I rent first? Arguably the greatest rental ever, at least for someone who's last rented game was Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest. Yeah, it's been a long time. Anyway, the game I'm referring to is 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand.

I honestly haven't had this much fun with any other game besides Resident Evil 5 in a long while. It's a shame the game is both short on substance and short of length, otherwise I'd actually spend the cash to buy this and support Mr Cent, who I hope continues to have games made featuring himself, at least so long as they can continue to keep up a level of quality equal to this entry. Whereas the last game sucked ass, this one is a really a blast to play, preferably with a friend and some alcohol and/or pot if you're into that sort of thing. It helps even more if you're the type to laugh at stereotypes and stuff of that sort. Racists may even get a kick out of it in their own sick way. It essentially rapes the gameplay of Gears of War and marries those gameplay mechanics to one of the most ridiculous and fucked up scenarios I've seen in a long while.

As most of you have probably heard, the whole point of the game is to get some stolen jewelry back, which was meant to compensate 50 Cent and his "crew" or whatever they call themselves for a concert in the Middle East of all places. Somehow, and I have no idea how honestly, 50 ends up killing terrorists, and lots of them. How fucked up is that? This guy kills like 1000 people all for some fucking diamonds in an ugly ass skull? Wow. What a role model for the young kids in the hood. Then again, his music isn't exactly conveying a better message.

Even more fucked up? I find it hilarious, regardless of the message it sends any kids or morons who idolize the man. It's awesome. It is the greatest excuse I've ever had to kill people digitally as far as I can remember. You're essentially playing as a villain, not a hero and not a fucking anti-hero, before anybody suggests it. He's a deranged maniac. I mean, doesn't he already have like hundred of millions of dollars just from his stake in Vitamin Water? Can't he just forget it? Walk away? No? What a fucking guy. He makes Marcus Fenix look like a kind, sensitive man with real feelings. It's great.

Also, and I know this has probably been said in a million stories about this and the last Fiddy game, but as a 22 year old male, I know the guy was shot 9 times and barely survived it. So can anybody explain to me how he's now gone through two games and somehow survived being shot at least 1000 times now? And don't tell me it's his bulletproof vest. You'll survive machine gun turrets to the head and even rockets to the chest on the hardest difficulty. The guy is a fucking action hero at this point. Based on T3, I'm surprised we're not seeing him in the upcoming Terminator film. Did Skynet kidnap him and create the T-50 or something? What the fuck?

Basically, I'm saying the game is pretty fucking easy. You'll have to excuse my bringing the Terminator into this, but I'm a bit excited. And yes I know it probably won't be that great compared to T2. But it's got robots that kill people.

Also, don't let the easiness part dissuade you from trying it. It's not exactly a total cakewalk, but the arcade style gameplay lends itself to an easier game on the whole. Everything is kind of set up for you to dominate.

Anyway, I know I haven't gotten too deep into the mechanics of the game or any of it's features, but I don't feel the need to. I just felt like talking to you guys for a few minutes here while I wait for these damn kids to go to bed so I can get back to popping caps in muthafuckas. The bottom line is that if you're a fan of shooters, stereotypes, black people, ironic shit, or even just a fan of the man himself, you need to rent 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand. You're bound to get a laugh or two at the very least, and you may even find yourself enjoying it's simplistic and arcade like gameplay.

Also, based on the title of this blog, I'd hope that any of you who comment would let me know what you're personal favorite rental is or was. I'd be interested to hear what some of you consider a solid rental. It probably differs from my opinion quite a bit, but then again I haven't rented a game in a very long time, as I mentioned earlier.

Well, take care Destructoid. Thanks for continuing to make me laugh every day. I need that shit.
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About EternalDeathSlayerone of us since 7:43 AM on 11.27.2007

Hello there Destructoid. I don't game as much as I used to when I was an extremely active member of the website. I've had a 3rd kid as opposed to the 2 I had back when I joined and I've discovered that there are other things to do besides play video games. But I'm still a gamer for life.

Wii U


Xbox 360




PS Vita

Decent PC for gaming


My Favorite Games:

I used to have a list here but honestly I've changed my mind quite a bit over the years. I played Chrono Trigger again like I do ever year or 2 and decided that it's dialogue, like many old (and many new) JRPGs, was just too shitty and juvenile for me to actually take seriously anymore. I guess I'm just getting old.

My favorite games in no particular order are Resident Evil 4, God of War, Super Mario Bros 3, Super Mario Galaxy, Legend of Zelda A Link to the Past,Final Fantasy Tactics, Batman Arkham Asylum, and Chrono Cross. Pretty sure I've forgotten a few games I might remember when asked what my favorite games are in the future. It changes a lot.

This website used to be the best on the internet. Hopefully it will get back to that point, or close, some day soon. I'll probably never fully leave anyway.

Xbox LIVE:Kobewan0869


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