The Weapon of Choice - Volume 3

Killing...it is in our genes from birth. Human kind has a blood lust, the same as vampires but in a different manner. In fact I believe that Vampires are a true bi-product of humanity. We see a car accident while driving, we slow down to have a look. A pair of planes misled themselves into a few towers, the whole world is on their feet. It has come to the point now that if World Peace was declared, most people would go insane from boredom and neck themselves. But then again, there would always been different ways to kill in video games.

Volume 1 Recap:

* Sniper Rifles - Various Titles
* Flame Throwers - Various Titles
* The Cerebral Bore - Turok 2
* The Gravity Gun - Half Life 2
* The Fat Man - Fallout 3
* The Entire Ninja 2 Gaiden Arsenal
* The Hand of God - Rise of the Triads
* The Lancer - Gears of War (2)

Volume 2 Recap:

* The BFG 9000 - Doom Series
* Blades of Chaos - God of War Trilogy
* Remote & Proximity Mines - Goldeneye 007
* The Tek Bow - Turok Series
* The Combat Knife - Various Titles
* The Plasma Grenade - Halo Trilogy
* The Shrink Ray - Duke Nukem 3D
* The Chainsaw - Doom Series

As in the previous two articles, we will be taking a look at the most inventive and colorful ways, to end a life in a video game. From 1 to 5, this is the criteria for which the arsenal shall be judged:

1) Originality - Has it been done before and can we get it on the black market?
2) Fun Factor - Is it fun to watch the life be taken in the fashion to which it is taken?
3) Gore Gauge - Will we need maxi-pads for the clean up?
4) Difficulty - Is it easy to use?

Of course I have not played every single video game the world has had to offer, so if you can contribute to the topic in any way, please feel free to do so. Today we will start with what people suggested in the previous installments.


The Transolcator Gun - Unreal Tournament Series
As suggested by Abagnale

Way before the Portal Gun was released; this baby was being used for similar purposes. It functions as a weapon, a defensive device and a mode of movement to travel instantaneously from one location to another.

The Translocator consists of two parts, a source module and a destination module. Throw the destination module with the primary fire button; then press the secondary fire button to instantly teleport to the spot where the destination module landed. If you throw the destination module close enough to an enemy and then teleport there, you can "telefrag" your opponent, killing him and getting his weapon. This requires some skill to accomplish, but is extremely gratifying to pull off and results in an instant kill.

1) Originality - 4 - For the time it was revolutionary
2) Fun Factor - 3 - The traps you could set were always devious
3) Gore Gauge - 2 - Only when a successful 'telefrag' was granted did you see blood
4) Difficulty - 4 - Not an easy tool to use in the killing game


The Plastic Bag - Manhunt
Also suggested by Abagnale

I remember watching Bad Boys when I was younger. That scene with Martin Lawence in the toilets where he gets plastic bagged right before he escapes and slams some dude's head into a urinal full of piss...classic. Around the same time Bad Boys was released, so was this title which was banned from many shelves due to the way you could dispose of people with every day home products such as The Plastic Bag. Here is an example of how to use one that my friend Pete and I put together for your viewing pleasure:


Pete and I did this for shits and giggles about 2 years ago

Manhunt's killing sequences would usually be controlled by a bunch of quicktime events that would continuously become more difficult to execute but if pulled off correctly, would result in an ultimate killing sequence which always had realistic visuals and sound effects to match. Not a pretty way to go.

1) Originality - 4 - No other game had it
2) Fun Factor - 5 - It never got old watching people squirm inside a plastic bag
3) Gore Gauge - 3 - The plastic bag executions never really made that much of a mess
4) Difficulty - 3 - It would vary depending on which execution you were going for


Nevan - Devil May Cry 3
Also suggested by Abagnale

Ok, so Devil May Cry may not be the most realistic combat simulator out there, but you gotta admit, it is killer fun to play. The combat and executions are so well balanced it would be hard to make this game NOT look cool. Much of the design in the Devil May Cry series revolves around the anime feel of sleek, slick and stylish which is not a bad thing. The weaponry in this game is usually always a great experience to toy around with, but no other weapon was more fun, nor more unpractical as this.


Pyrotechnics + Powerslides = WIN!

After defeating a boss who I would have rather had sex with than kill, she turns into a very awesome weapon for the main character Dante to use. The weapon is... get this, an electric guitar that transforms into a Scythe that cleaves and kills with a finesse and style that really can't be matched. It really is something you have to see for yourself which is why I added the video of Dante rocking out.

1) Originality - 5 - A very, very cool and original idea
2) Fun Factor - 5 - Its an electric guitar / massive scythe
3) Gore Gauge - 3 - Blood flows well
4) Difficulty - 3 - It was more difficult to use than the other weapons but who cares?


The Purple Shell - Mario Kart Series
As Suggested by Celicacrazed

You remember this arsehole of a thing don't you? How could you forget...You are in the lead of an epic race with four of your friends on a huge track like Wario Stadium, you are coming to the final corner and closing straight, victory is so close you can taste it, your friends are not far behind you...but you know you have this in the bag, that is until a purple horned shell comes flying out of nowhere and rapes you to a dead stop while your three mates take first, second and third places.

You would either love or hate this thing, because in situations where you were falling way behind, you would most likely be given this to deal out justice for your shittiness. When fired, it would track down all the players ahead of you and take them out one by one and it would not stop until the player in first place was smashed. It is debated whether this or the lightning bolt are the best weapons in the game. I would vote this because the Lightning Bolt is pure and simply an easy way for the person in last place to catch up, while with the purple shell, he still has to earn his position in the race.

1) Originality - 3 - A seeker that knocks everything down
2) Fun Factor - 4 - It is very saisfactory to use and piss everybody off
3) Gore Gauge - 0 - Its a kids game
4) Difficulty - 2 - Just make sure you have a good strait to fire on


Altair's Blade - Assassin’s Creed
As suggested by Ronburgandy2010

There were two things that made Assassin’s Creed get talked about amongst gamers more than anything else. The Swan Dive from the very tallest building, and Altair's Blade. Because we are dealing with weapons here I figured it would be best to discuss the blade.

Hidden from plain site, this blade is what makes the assassinations seem easy. It is quick and quiet and if executed at the right time can be unseen by any onlookers. Located on the forearm of its user Altair, it is activated by a slight twitch in his fingers which released the blade as his palm hits the enemy, making it look more like a palm to the side of the face, than a blade in the side of the neck. Very shroud.

1) Originality - 3 - Hidden weapons on the forearm have been seen before
2) Fun Factor - 4 - You'll be doing it for a while before boredom sets in
3) Gore Gauge - 3 - A blade to the neck is never pretty
4) Difficulty - 4 - Timing is everything, if you miss, you'll know about it


The BattleMech - Mechwarrior Series
As suggested by Puppy Licks

The concept of the battle mech is one of the greatest I have ever heard of. Huge war machines that are piloted by men and women in opposing Clans against one another in a the 31st Century war-torn battle field. The Timberwolf / Madcat and Summoner / Thor (Pictured) being the most recognizable of all the mechs. Made in man's image, the battle mech will always consist of two legs which keep it upright, and two arms with assorted weaponry and the cockpit is usually located at the top or in the center. These things shit Death and eat War. There is no easy way of explaining how a battle mech works, so I will let this video do the talking for me:


Listen to the voice over in this...he means business.

1) Originality - 4 - A walking, killing, massive war machine
2) Fun Factor - 4 - The variety is like that of a car yard
3) Gore Gauge - 1 - Most kills are consumed in flames
4) Difficulty - 5 - The BattleMech is not an easy machine to use


The Shotgun - Various Titles
As suggested by Suitcoatavenger and Seigfreid

Next to the common pistol or handgun, the shotgun is the most commonly used weapon in gaming. Most FPS will have a shotgun readily available from the beginning of the game, which will always come in handy for when you are running low on everything else. Able to blow a hole through almost any enemy within a few shots, it is the ideal weapon for clearing a path from where you are to the destination you want to get to.

Using cartridges instead of bullets, the Shotgun cartridge is full of tiny lead ball bearings which are forced out by the primer sparking up the packed gun powder at the steel end of the cartridge. Depending on the barrel length will usually determine the spread of the ball bearings. If the barrel is short the spread is wider, so it is more ideal for close range face destroying, where as a longer barrel would be best suited for a greater distance shot. One thing a player can always depend on is his shotgun and that’s because it never lets him down.

1) Originality - 1 - It is in almost every FPS
2) Fun Factor - 3 - Always a good time with a good kick
3) Gore Gauge - 3 - Usually will blow chunks off your foe's face
4) Difficulty - 2 - Just know when to reload because it takes time


The Sentry Turret - Team Fortress 2

This game is addictive, and the engineer is a cult favorite amongst many gamers for a reason. It is not just about running in with your guns blazing and hoping for the best. It is all about strategy. Where to place the turret, which direction to face it, where would it be less venerable to enemies, is it set up close to metal so I can repair and build it up quickly.


Coolest of the cool, smartest of the smart...

My turret kill streak record, without it being destroyed was 14 kills. That means that the opposing team could not get past my turret without dying at least 14 times. That comes in handy when trying to defend your capture points. It is great fun and satisfying if you know how to do it right and use your head. And no, I do not support setting up turrets where the glitches are in the maps.

1) Originality - 3 - It has been done before, but not as good as this
2) Fun Factor - 5 - This will NEVER get old...ever
3) Gore Gauge - 4 - When modified to the max, limbs go flying
4) Difficulty - 4 - Much to take into account, but the payoff is limitless

That's it from me for now so go and kill something in a creative fashion.