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LONG BLOG

A Little Late to the Bandwagon...

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So, a few weeks ago, maybe less, probably not, I don't know my short term memory is destroyed, a fellow by the name of bludesign(dvddesign for those of you living in the past) came by to visit. Among NOT giving me some games for mah PS3, which, contrary to popular belief, I do have, he brought some games and movies over to play and watch. I won't go into too many details about the scotch soaked depravities witnessed on this fateful day, but I do want to discuss something that is now near and dear to my heart.

How the fuck did I miss out on Burnout: Paradise for so long?


Sex disguised as a racing game.

Seriously, I don't like racing games. They get boring too quickly, the AI gets incredibly cheap incredibly fast, and it just seems to get repetative. But this isn't like that. This is...well, good. Everytime I start a game it's like "What am I going to try and do now?" Should I start some races? Should I drive around as fast as I can and hit things? should I put on some pants or close the blinds? What about the jumps and breakable things, should I hit those?

Every time I play it's different, and it's all located in the same city. No more waiting around for a race to start, it's my decision. No more getting stuck having to do the same race over and over to progress, now if I don't like a race I can move on to something else. Tired of the car you have? Get a new one. Tired of cars, period? Play "let's go as fast as possible without hitting anything hopefully" with a bike. Tired of bikes? Stop being picky dammit, go back to cars then.

I've played both versions of the game, and they both look and play fantastic. Unfortunantly, due to me having an insuperiority complex, I felt the need to get the 360 version for cheevos over the PS3's "trophy" system. I like my gamerscore better than my trophy collection. Sue me, I got Killzone 2 too, so :P. I'll get trophies on the PS3 exclusives. I just prefer my 360 controller over the PS controller. If you told me five years ago that I'd be saying that, I'd have punched you in the crotch, but meh, time happens.

Anyway, what was I writing about? Oh, yeah, Burnout. I haven't had the chance to play multi-player more than a few minutes, but the "hit two buttons be online" aspect of the game is incredibly awesome. I just need to get better cars before I try and stand a chance there. Fucking Ecto-1 ramming me and knocking me out regardless of grumble, grumble, grumble...So I'll definitely be playing it on a FNF in the not too terribly distant future. Or another night if we can pick one.

So, tl;dr Burnout Paradise is the fucking tits, and for twenty dollars why haven't you got it right now too?
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About blehmanone of us since 8:11 PM on 08.01.2007

Real name: Mike

Amazing gif!



bleh, man
Age:29
Lives in: Dallas, Tx
Occupation: Mayor of Metro City
Member of: Official Destructoid Beard Club
Consoles: 360, ds, snes, ps2
Hobbies: Games, reading, guitar, drinking

Because The GHost is teh awesome, my dtoid playing card:


Wanderingpixel is also awesome.


Current Games:

All of the things


Old Blogs:
Teh Randomtoid Linktoid (This is all my randomtoid blogs in one spot)
My Dtoid Thank You Note
One year w00t!
Avatar Chat
My Feelings On "Next-Gen"
Bleh-views:
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Lost: Via Domus
Community Discussion Time!
Gaming Journalism
Oh snap! Front paged!
Playing with Others: The Death of Split-Screen



My Hero:



My Left 4 Dead Dream Movie



Longcat:



Myspace profile: what the fuck is a myspace and when did this get here?

To e-mail malicious hatemail: [email protected]

To whomever drew my header: Awesome
Note: old header link here

For Wiisucks:
Hi! My name is Jack Klassen.! I'm a completely ordinary teenage boy from San Diego, California. My interests include soccer, surfing, writing poetry, and luge. I am homeschooled by my father who fought in the Korean War and was exposed to nerve gas. He is kind of crazy but I still love him. We got the Internet two years ago and I started making new friends on Yahoo! messenger. Surprisingly, most of these new friends were older men who wanted to have illegal, underage sex with me. Needless to say, I got a boner like a rocketship and cybersex quickly became my favorite thing in the entire world. Wait, did I say boner like a rocketship? I meant my vagina got as wet as Lake Titicaca. I started saving all of the hot chat sessions I was having with the Pakistanis, lesbians, child molesters and other monsters who were instant messaging me all day and all night, and I decided to put them up here on this website so you can see exactly how disgusting the entire human race is. Since then, I have been in a waterskiing accident that mangled my genitals beyond repair, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, brain cancer, and Crohn's disease, learned to speak Urdu and French, covered my naked body in superglue, went to French lesbian camp, made a Hindu eat a roast beef sandwich out of my vagina, and ruined perfectly good cybersex for at least one hundred people. Use the menu above to find out more about me and start reading my sexy adventures,





Also, I make people from Pheonix Wright cry:


Also, also, sparkle:


Also, also, also, jiggles:


Also, also, also, also, Trent!


Alsox5, kitteh:


Also, X-mas Shake(a.k.a. itemforty is teh sex)
Xbox LIVE:blehmeng
Steam ID:blehmeng


 

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