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An open letter to you: Dude who keep jumping on my constricted survivors...

Dear person playing as a hunter,
What the hell, man? You see I have a survivor constricted and now you have a very easy decision to make. I see you contemplate going after the survivor running up the stairs to rescue mine, but you decide against it. I see you contemplate running up and slashing at my survivor to incap him faster, but you decide against it. Then I finally see you fly through the air and take what is mine. You get 3, maybe 4 seconds of what I can only imagine is pure joy before Bill is on top of you, knocking you away and then shooting you in the face. I chuckle to myself, happy at least that you got what you deserved, only to get shot in the face myself. I know you can't see me standing on my couch (You're not clairvoyant), and you can't hear me hurling obscenities at my television (You don't own a mike, which I established by repeatedly asking you what you were planning on doing and advising you against it), but I refuse to believe you don't see what you just did was wrong, or at the very least, unwise. Since you have no means of justifying your actions, let me try and understand why you did that:

Did you accidentally spill some food on your controller? Then when you got up to grab a paper towel did your dog or young child chomp down on it. Just my luck that your toddler/pet has horrible timing and/or is a dick when playing videogames. If this is the case, I can forgive you in light of your having to probably shell out another $40 for a new controller. Bummer dude.

Are you an only child? Did Mommy and Daddy always get you everything you wanted, right when you wanted it? I guess you've never really learned how to share, and when you saw I had a survivor you just had to have it. Your relentless desire to gobble up what isn't already yours is hard to watch. Sometimes sharing things can be to everyone's advantage, as it would have been here. I wish I could be there in person at your first job interview, when you awkwardly reach across the HR rep's desk then grab and take a bite of their sandwich. Or at a wedding where you're the best man, and while your friend is saying his vows, you knock him out of the way and embrace his fiancee. Well, you get the idea. All I would like to do is help you understand what you're doing is wrong, to maybe make your life easier down the road. But as we have established, you don't have a mike. Maybe you could not share a friends mike, or go to Walmart and not share one of their electronics department's mikes? Just an idea.

Do you spend absolutely no time around women? Is this the closest you've ever come to copping a feel, ripping out Zoe's lungs? If the survivor I had constricted was her, I suppose this may have been your reason. Swooping in to get a piece of your pixellated princess is selfish and a little disturbing. You're putting your own carnal needs ahead of the team's desire to win. Maybe spending a little time on an online dating site would do you some good. Actually, if ribbons of blood are at all erotic to you, maybe you should stay away from women altogether. It's probably a good thing that we can't communicate.

I can think of a thousand other reasons why you would choose to take my survivor instead of getting your own, selfishly boosting your score or being new to the game or maybe it was just an accident, but I'd rather spend the time finding other decent people to play with. I doubt that you'll read this, you're probably too busy destroying other peoples' faith in humanity. If you do happen to stumble across this, please utilize it as forum to help me and others like me to understand you, to get a peek inside that head of yours. Please, do it for the children.
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About Magooone of us since 1:27 PM on 02.16.2009

My name's Joe and I'm 23 years old. I've been gaming for a long time, but it's always been by myself or with a small group of friends. Only recently, after signing up for Xbox Live and being exposed to a vast number of gamers, did I have any sense of being a part of a larger community. That's why I'm here at Dtoid, to be a part of a quality discourse about video games. I hope you find what I have to say interesting, and if you don't, tell me why. That's what this whole thing is about.

I only have a 360 right now. It's not an issue of preference, I simply can't afford a PS3. If I had the cash, I'd grab one in a heartbeat. I had a wii for a while. After not playing it for months, I decided to get rid of it. I used to play a fair bit of Warcraft 3 and Counter-Strike, but I have since abandoned PC gaming. System requirements quickly outpaced my budget.

My Video Game hall of fame:
Hero's Quest
King's Quest series
Monkey Island series
Half-Life series
Halo (The original, not the series)
Metal Gear Solid
Fallout 2

Currently Playing (On the 360):
Left 4 Dead
Fallout 3 + DLC
Lost & Damned
Skate 2
Call of Duty: World at War
Resident Evil 5

Can't Wait to Play:
Brutal Legend
APB (If it comes to the 360)

Favorite Food:
Cold Fried Chicken. Trust me, it's amazing.
Xbox LIVE:ColMagoo


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