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Destroy Haxan, Win SFIV Contest: Cheapest Player Nominee 2


To be fair, this week's nominee for cheapest Street Fighter isn't a one-man job. You see, Rab is a malicious mastermind in the art of Street Fighting scrubbery. He can usually be found with at least one of his minions manning the network adapter, while he himself mans the 360 controller. Get where I'm coming from? Well, maybe it would be more clear if I describe Rab's whole operation.

Rab's Street Fighter base of operations is pretty minimalist. There's his television, an xbox 360, a chair for him to sit on, and a minion in roller skates. The room itself is incredibly large (it's actually rented warehouse space), about half the size of a football field. And like a football field, there are white lines drawn at intervals throughout the room. On the far end sits Rab and his gaming equipment. On the other is his wireless router. Get where this is going yet?

The 360 network adapter is connected to the 360 by a 50 yard-long ethernet cable. It is held by the roller-skate wearing minion, who will constantly skate up and down the room throughout the play session. You remember the lines drawn on the floor? They don't represent yards or foul lines like in other sports. They are what Rab refers to as Lag Lines. Each line represents a different state of lag which can be achieved when the 360's wireless adapter is far enough away from the Wi-Fi router.

Have you ever been in the middle of a game and everything is playing as smooth as can be? You're kicking some major ass, and your opponent seems to be completely unable to mount any kind of an offensive. Then, all of a sudden, the game starts lagging. His fighter is all over the place. You're taking hits from places where there isn't even an opponent present. You lose the match that you were a single breath away from winning. Has this ever happened to you? You faced an individual like-minded to Rab.

Through a complex language of gestures and body signals, Rab is in constant communication with his minion. A neck twist here and a jerk of his reight knee there, he is telling his cohort how far away to get that netwrok adapter away from the router. The further away it is, the less easy it sends a signal to the modem, thus more lag.

Now you're thinking, doesn't this lag effect him, too? How does this make it cheap? What's even the point? Well, Rab has mastered the effects of various forms of lag. And he knows when it's going to cut in and out. For you it's unexpected. For him, he knows the right point to pop that Spinning Piledriver or Akuma Death Thingamabob, hitting you in the midst of your confusion. Chances are that when playing against Rab, the second you get the upper hand is just ten seconds before you're lyng in defeat.

Rab. Our second nominee for the Cheapest Player of the Street Fighter Contest. Remember each week a new competitor will be showcased as a cheap player. At that point you will be able to vote for your choice of biggest scrub and they will in turn win a cheap prize. As for the results of the contest itself, they can be found (almost daily) in the forums.

Onto, business. Today I'll be getting my Street Fighter II HDBBQ on between 2 and 7 pm EST. I'll be on the 360 from 2-5, and on the PS3 between 5-7. If you missed the forum update yesterday, let me play back an update:
"People have been having a rough time getting a hold of me last night and today, because I've been on and off so sporadically. So, my Christmas presents to you all are as follows: 1) Christmas Eve and Christmas Day battles will be freebie make-ups. If you didn't/aren't able to catch me, don't worry you can make up the battles complete with the 3 bonus matches as any later date before the contest ends. Just to clarify, 360 folk get make-up matches with Sagat, and PS3 folk likewise with Akuma. So no worries. I needed the time to play Takeshi's phenomenal Dtoid level now that I have Little Big Planet, anyways! "

Today's officially the 360 Bison day. But you can also take advantage of the Freebie Make-ups from Xmas Eve's Sagat fights (you'll still get the bonus 3 matches from that day). Or hit me up with any make-up matches (sans bonus matches) that you're still needing to do yet, depending upon time and number of challenges. PS3 folk, you likewise have the opportunity to make up the Akuma matches from yesterday complete with bonus matches, or knock out any other make-ups that you're needing to do.

Tomorrow, I will be on from 2-4pm on the 360, and 10pm-12am on the PS3. Tomorrow's official fights are to be with Sagat on the PS3. Any other matches can also be made up.

Hope you had a Merry Holiday time the last couple of days (assuming that it's your bag). And I'll see you with the next Weekly Recap on Sunday.
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About Haxanone of us since 11:13 AM on 10.23.2007

Occasional contributer to Tomopop.com.

Random gaming facts about Haxan

Legitimately beat Mike Tyson and went through Another World Circuit undefeated.

Beat the original Contra without dying. Twice.

Can land the damn plane in Top Gun and can also refuel in midair.

Can't beat Ghost & Goblins without the level select code and has never lied about it.

Thinks Friday the 13th is a great game even if the physics, controls and weapons are garbage.

Mario Paint caused him to buy a Super Nintendo and largely leave his Sega Genesis behind. He has played it more than most video games and wore down the mouse pad so that the grid only shows around the corners.

Has beaten Street Fighter II: The World Warrior and Super Street Fighter II: The New Challengers on the SNES on the hardest difficulty without losing a single round. Multiple times.

Is still friends with the girl who worked at a local game store and sold him Street Fighter II nearly 17 years ago.

Beat Final Fantasy 2 in a weekend when he was a kid, yet can't get through a role-playing game these days if his life depended on it.

Has never beaten Final Fantasy VII.

Prefers pads to sticks.

Likes the N64 controller.

Prefers the Duke to the S-controller.

Doesn't think that Super Mario 64 is all that great.

Got an Xbox mostly for Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. And thinks it's a damn good game. Really.

Swore he would never buy a Game Boy Advanced SP, but immediately broke down once the NES edition came out. (And regarding the NES Classics series, true in-store dialogue: "Dude, are you serious?! They seriously expect people to pay 20 dollars a piece for games they can just downlo...Ooh! Zelda!")

Really liked the first Halo. (Well, there goes my dtoid cred.)

Can rock out Dynamite Rave in Dance Dance Revolution like it's nobody's business.

Played the hell out of Animal Crossing: Wild World and hid that fact from nobody.

Stomped Brad Nicholson at Street Fighter IV, but had to resort to the cheapest of tactics in order to do so. ;)

Thinks you're really, really, really smart. And pretty.

Top ten favorite games (in no particular order):

The Legend of Zelda (NES)
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out (NES)
The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (N64)
Phantom 2040 (SNES)
Street Fighter II (any version)
Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence (PS2)
Final Fantasy 3/6 (SNES)
Ico (PS2)
Sin and Punishment (N64)
Picross (DS)


I love drawing, though I realize that I'm not very good. I figured early on that drawing my own header art would help my blogs stand out. Thanks to Destructoid, and to the scanner that Carollelogram got me for my birthday last year, I feel like I've developed a unique style that's distinctly my own.

Outside of games I've got a DVD collection that is exploding out of a 5'x6' shelf (over 400 titles). So suffice it to say that I love movies. I'm a huge horror fan and I host an annual Dusk Till Dawn Horror Movie Marathon nearly every October. My top ten favorite films in order are as follows:

1. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (Il Buono, il Brutto, il Cativo, 1966)
2. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
3. Seven Samurai (Shichinin no Samurai, 1954)
4. The City of Lost Children (La Cit� des enfants perdus, 1995)
5. The Apartment (1960)
6. Strings (2004)
7. Heavenly Creatures (1994)
8. The Big Lebowski (1998)
9. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993)
10. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

Music-wise, my top 3 bands are The Pixies, The Velvet Underground and Radiohead. I listen to damn near every genre of music (except modern country. I yearn for the days of Hank Williams, Sr. and Tammy Wynette). Hit random on my mp3 player and you'll get everything from darkwave to hip hop to 80's synthpop. I karaoke pretty regularly. I can't sing, but I surround myself with people who can. Still, you've not experienced all there is in life until you've seen me proper butcher True by Spandau Ballet.

Then, as for the literary interests, my love lies with pulp detective novels of the thirties and forties. Raymond Chandler is simply the greatest ever. And Dashiell Hammett is just fantastic. Lately, I've been reading through Frank Herbert's Dune Chronicles at Carollelogram's recommendation. Two books in and I have to say they're astonishing.

If you do the Twitter thing, Haxan1 is my handle should you want to follow me.

Feel free to friend me to your console of choice should you ever want to play a game of Street Fighter. Just be sure to let me know that you're from Destructoid and you'll get the royal treatment.

Blogs I writed:

Virtual Console Review- The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Review- Dead Rising: Chop Till You Drop

Front Page
Other Worlds Than These: The citizens of the land of Termina
Community spotlight: Haxan goes above and beyond for the community

Monthly Musings
Instant Replay: Street Fighter II
The Start of the Affair: Solomon's Key

Editorials and assorted articles
Does the Wii have RROD-type issues of its own?
Okay, Nintendo. I guess that we can be friends again.
Niero, do you have any idea what in the lobster milkshake you have done?! (dtoid 3rd anniversary post)
10 things you might not have known about Haxan (but really only 8)
Why Destructoid is awesome: Nilcam is the greatest edition (I honestly can't give Nilcam enough props for this.)
Christmas shopping: Non-gaming, priest dad-style
Bad Dye Job: A Darius Pickman Story
"Congraturation" RetroforceGO!
Nintendon't what?! Now you tell me just what the %#@$ Nintendon't do!

Neat stuff I played a bit part in
The Destructoid children's alphabet book


Xbox LIVE:haxan1
PSN ID:Haxan
Mii code:8490 3559 2301 7665


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