So I noticed that several people
are handing out advice about "how to be nice" in Left 4 Dead, and that this is the only way you can play and enjoy it. I say, not so good sirs and madams, or whatever the fuck you are, not so at all. In fact, being an ass in Left 4 Dead can be fun and effective. Well, not terribly
effective, but fun none the less. And as much as I hate lists, I feel that it's the most productive way to let you know.
1. Play the PC version.
This proves that you know more than your console brethren, and don't be shy about letting them know this. Also, include your specs everytime you mention it, further letting those cocky console players who play to have fun know how much fun they're not having without their mouse for super precision shooting. In a game where you're bullrushed by zombies.
2. Play a public match while in a party.
This let's those nimrods on XBL know that even though you have a headset, you're busy talking and having fun with others even though you're playing with them. Works better if you have more than one person in the party playing with you.
3. Be super cereal.
Remember, this is the zombie apocalypse. You are the only four productive members of society left in the city/forest/airport/forest again, and humanity will not survive without you being 100% serious all the time. Remember, yelling at teammates helps motivate them to do better, and cursing helps even more.
4. Call dibs.
Because you HAVE to be the black guy, but I already picked him. Bitch.
5. Sprinting to the finish line.
Left 4 Dead, as any hardcore player already knows, is a race to the safe room. Remember, Rambo didn't get glory and acclaim for going in with a team, and neither will you.
6. There is no "I" in team.
There is also no "U". So if I'm not on the fucking team, and you're not on the fucking team, the team sucks, why are we playing? /roosterteeth
7. Point Break, motherfuckers.
This was discovered in a game of versus the other day. Basically, when you're incapacitated, you turn into Keanu Reeves. Point to the sky and yell while firing your clip. Great tension reliever.
8. Again, play the PC version.
Because it's way superior, even if you don't like the whole "keyboard and mouse" set-up because you feel it's awkward and would rather play on your 42 inch HD LCD television with your xbawkes friends. Trust me, I'm a doctor.
9. Use your hunter whenever the survivor team is together.
Nothing says "I'm helping the infected team" like jumping into a gathering of survivors when they're working together, not being attacked by a horde, not vomited on, and paying attention.
10. As infected, attack as soon as you spawn.
Planning together, while working well as survivors, means nothing to an infected. It is much more efficient to spawn and attack over setting up ambushes. This way the survivors won't ever know when or where an attack is coming from, or even if they have to fear consequences or repercussions from a coordinated attack.
11. Don't play with friends.
You know people. I know people. You also would rather play with a bunch of random people online as opposed to people who you play with regularly. That way, you can be shocked and awed by the suprising lack of subtle, and not so subtle racism, maturity, and overall clear speaking manner of your new buddies.