8:00 AM on 10.02.2012 |
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Sometimes this job is boring, and sometimes YouPorn sends Destructoid a press release, excitedly telling us that its streaming sex video services is coming to Xbox Live. Of course, what it actually means is that, with Internet Explorer coming soon to Xbox 360, you can access YouPorn. But let's not rain on its parade.
"Whether you’re pwning n00bs in CoD: Modern Warfare 3, annihilating Bullymong in Borderlands 2, or taking the Saints deep in Madden NFL 13, you’re never more than a few simple controller clicks away from being face deep in hot free porn," boasts the site.
This is my favorite story.
YouPorn is even good enough to provide some help to any "Xbox Masturbators" who may be worried that they can't adequately mutilate their boners while playing Xbox. Check out this salient advice:
XBox Masturbator Pro Tip: Pick up a wireless USB keyboard to make your XBox Internet Explorer porn browsing experiencing even better. Just plug the Wireless USB adapter into one of the USB ports on your XBox and boom, instant XBox keyboard. Trust me, it’s a hell of a lot easier than typing with your controller… and as we all know, the faster you can get to your precious porn, the better.
Seriously ... this is the best story. This is what videogame news is all about. Some of you may ask, "How is this a story?" I answer you by saying, "Fuck off."
Microsoft has been sure to address YouPorn's proud announcement, stating, "To be clear, we are adding Internet Explorer to Xbox Live, not specific adult content providers like YouPorn or any other specific website content. Additionally, we give members and parents the option to turn this feature on or off for their accounts. Access to Internet Explorer for all Child accounts is blocked by default."
So basically, Microsoft 100% approves and welcomes its new lifelong business partner, YouPorn, into the game console industry.
SugarDVD, purveyor of such fine films as What An Asshole and Hairy Asian Schoolgirls Masturbate, has confirmed it'll be bringing its adult entertainment streaming services to Microsoft's next-generation Xbox.
The servic... [Destructoid turned seven this past Saturday, and all month long Dtoiders have been reminiscing about their time with the site over in our Community Blogs. Here's Handy's little dandy. Show us yours! --Mr Andy Dixon]
We have ... Dale North's review is taking forever because he keeps getting distracted by sh*t like this.
[Swagtoise's Tumblr via Tiny Cartridge]
This is... well... umm... you know what? I'm not even going to explain it. The latest Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin'? is brilliance, plain and simple. Go watch it and have a good laugh or two.
Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin'? - Civilization V [GameTrailers] As some of you may or may not have heard, this is officially my last day with Destructoid.
Man ... I can barely type that without getting upset.
I am starting a new job next week at GolinHarris as a writer for Nintendo. It is...
On today's completely professional, mature, and otherwise not stupid or embarrassing Destructoid Show, we discuss some very serious topics. First, a season pass is announced for Assassin's Creed III, and the first DLC will b... Yeah we're a web site, but we are also a collective of fleshy sacks of meat and blood that play video games together and drink sometimes! In an effort to centralize our random adventures and always have a place to show ... I stand corrected. This is the weirdest story of the weekend!
If you read Joseph Leray's "Nordic New Wave" feature from the other week, you ought to be familiar with Johann Sebastian Joust, a game using accelerometer-powered ... [Update: So apparently it is not real. Stupid sexy Voldo!]
Namco Bandai recently pulled an advert for SoulCalibur V after fans complained that it was too offensive. No, it wasn't the magazine page featuring ginormous breasts....
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