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The above video is the winner of the Xbox Live Originals contest, a showcase for the finest in whatever the hell that thing up there is. Microsoft was offering entrants a chance for a $100,000 budget and a six episode run of downloadable shows on the Xbox Live Marketplace, and the above clip -- entitle Bouchedags -- beat out a field that must have consisted of video clips of women stomping kittens to death and the atrocities comitted during the Rape of Nanking.

I have to say people, I consider myself a clever, entertaining person and that clip up there made my chest hurt. Not in a metaphorical way either, it actually damaged my sternum and corroded my right aorta. It was so painfully unfunny that I've developed a heart murmur and may one day die of complications related to the aforementioned condition. If only Microsoft didn't see fit to encourage the most idiotic sector of the current MTV demographic -- the ones whose parents saw fit to buy them video cameras -- I might live to see my own children attend college, drop out, develop drug habits and die of heart-related illness courtesy of Microsoft's next community generated content contest Xbox Live's Smash Your Genitals With A Hammer And Mail Us The Results Contest.

Look for this "show" to appear on the XBL Marketplace shortly.


Continue: More Xbox Live stories





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next 50 comments

87 comments | showing # 1 to 50

BahamutZero's Avatar
BahamutZero at 09/11/2007 03:24
bahamut zero comments
Wedge's Avatar
Wedge at 09/11/2007 03:26
... riiiiiiight.

I made it to 2:13 and gave up. They should be putting Street Fighter: The Later Years over XBL...
Topher Cantler's Avatar
Topher Cantler at 09/11/2007 03:28
That video is the worst thing that has ever happened.


Ever.
RskimB's Avatar
RskimB at 09/11/2007 03:38
my eyes are mad at you Nex, this thing is indeed horrible i lasted 2:30
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 09/11/2007 03:39
Oooooooooh man. Jesus...what the hell, man? Goddammit. Son of a bitch. Why, God? Who the hell...why would you...that's just...not even worth...hoobastank...Jesus.

BlueWolf72's Avatar
BlueWolf72 at 09/11/2007 03:44
gets the feeling that no one else entered or even had a clue...shit this is sad....

hey I have an idea lets extend the contest...or lets pick these guys and tell them the future shows will be XXXXXXxx'd
Justice's Avatar
Justice at 09/11/2007 03:48
I made it to 15 seconds but then closed my eyes to hear the up till 1 minute.
BlueWolf72's Avatar
BlueWolf72 at 09/11/2007 04:03
shit we could do a better show in stickam and do a capture screen and won
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 09/11/2007 04:05
Jesus Christ... I can't recall the last time I've wanted this badly for a group of people to be pummelled near death.
BlueWolf72's Avatar
BlueWolf72 at 09/11/2007 04:09
dj wheats show is better ... shit
Elrando's Avatar
Elrando at 09/11/2007 04:09
Where is the funny?
Isn't there meant to be funny?
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 09/11/2007 04:11
Those assholes used the holy name of Gizmo. Son of a bitch.
kawitchate's Avatar
kawitchate at 09/11/2007 04:20
i KNEW it would pay off to read the comments first! i made it to 0:00! thanks d-toid readers for suffering through it for me!
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 09/11/2007 04:41
Jesus, Nex. You need a raise or something.

Fuck dude.

Jesus Christ.

Goddammit.
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 09/11/2007 04:55
I watched the whole thing (in short bursts.) Can we start a support group?

Fuck.

Shit.

Dammit.
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 09/11/2007 04:57
Sorry for the double post but, remember that Monty Python sketch The Funniest Joke in the World? This is the bizarro version of that.

Goddammit.
Boolean's Avatar
Boolean at 09/11/2007 05:10
$100,000. $100,000.....$100,000

If life were a MMO, I'd be deleting my account and spamming up the message boards with images of cocks.
bleep's Avatar
bleep at 09/11/2007 05:32
Wheres my $100,000????


Ron
bleep's Avatar
bleep at 09/11/2007 05:32
oh and that movie is a piece of shit I couldn't make myself watch more than :57 of that diarehea
zenpuff's Avatar
zenpuff at 09/11/2007 05:42
A girl that I was very briefly involved with knows these guys and was on their show once.

I know they're from around here.

Perhaps I can find them
owenkun's Avatar
owenkun at 09/11/2007 05:46
>clips of women stomping kittens to death
That wouldn't sell anyway, as everyone's already seen it.
brainderailment's Avatar
brainderailment at 09/11/2007 06:05
You have officially stopped me from watching the clip. I don't like unfunny assholes.
BFeld13's Avatar
BFeld13 at 09/11/2007 06:13
I cried
ZeroTolo's Avatar
ZeroTolo at 09/11/2007 06:21
As an alternative title for the show, I offer the following:

Fuckfaces
Asscocks
Buttpirates

Pretty much anything that would make people NOT watch this crap.
ZigZagMan's Avatar
ZigZagMan at 09/11/2007 06:35

"That was so bad I think you gave me cancer!"
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 09/11/2007 06:36
What a glorious way to kick off the 9/11 season.
Professor Pew's Avatar
Professor Pew at 09/11/2007 07:20
This makes me want to fly a plane into their houses.
Angry Irish's Avatar
Angry Irish at 09/11/2007 07:23
Did they make a reference to "Time and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!"? That series kicked ass and was actually unique.
gingerbreadben's Avatar
gingerbreadben at 09/11/2007 07:25
My "complex" brain didn't even make it past the opening song.
SourGr8pes's Avatar
SourGr8pes at 09/11/2007 07:35
This is the price we pay for originality sometimes. Thank Youtube and the falling price of digital cameras for this.

They were better off remaking Perfect Strangers, now THAT be some quality television!!!!
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 09/11/2007 07:52
Surely, they make G4's AOTS skits look like The Royal Shakespeare Company. I'm not watching this.
Faraday's Avatar
Faraday at 09/11/2007 07:53
i got to 4 minutes and got bored.
i think these guys watch too much family guy or something. which btw isn't funny any more.
Aughndibi's Avatar
Aughndibi at 09/11/2007 07:55
My god. I could only watch until the end of the theme song (1:26). It's just so...god. This video makes me want to poop. Like, maybe that will get this out of my system somehow. Either that or start binge drinking.
Neonie's Avatar
Neonie at 09/11/2007 08:08
I made it to 4:19 and was utterly disgusted at the whole thing. These people desearve to be anally raped by a big daddy.
itemforty's Avatar
itemforty at 09/11/2007 08:55
I'm watching this whole thing to show my support for Nex.
For the record, it's much better if you scroll to the bottom of the comments, mute your sound, and kill yourself.

SniperFodder's Avatar
SniperFodder at 09/11/2007 09:05
And each episode will only be 1,200 microsoft points! Sweet!
itemforty's Avatar
itemforty at 09/11/2007 09:22
Wow, that was really bad.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 09/11/2007 09:33
I made it to 2:32 and had to stop.

I'm sorry, I'd take the full footage of the Rape of Nanking over this, including the boring parts, I dunno, the bits where Rabe's on the toilet or something.
908peruvian's Avatar
908peruvian at 09/11/2007 10:18
and i thought the Destructoid crew had bad jokes...
MechaMonkey's Avatar
MechaMonkey at 09/11/2007 10:21
Nex... that was possibly one of the most glorious rants I've ever witnessed. I might bookmark this story just so I can come back and read it every once in a while.

Bouchedags indeed.
supercentenarian's Avatar
supercentenarian at 09/11/2007 11:04
I made it to 'H' in there stupid alphabet before the cyanide tablet dangling from my neck became incredibly fucking appetizing. I think I would rather eat my own bowels than watch this video all the way through :-/
lucashoal's Avatar
lucashoal at 09/11/2007 11:48
@Angry Irish

...you did not just say that "Tim & Eric's Awesome Show" is good. I will hunt you down and end you. That is a terrible show, worse than Tom goes to the Mayor. It's like... Ren & Stimpy weirdness, but without the funny or even a vague sense of plot.
DynamicSheep's Avatar
DynamicSheep at 09/11/2007 12:00
Wow... MS will pay $100,000 for this piece of FUCKING FAIL! I wonder how much they'd pay me if I sent them a piece of my own shit in a shoe box?
SchickOuttaShape's Avatar
SchickOuttaShape at 09/11/2007 12:28
i have been to the full 17 minutes end...and come back.

however, only to warn that you will lose a piece of your soul. don't do it. though nex somehow survived unscathed, i have lost the ability to speak like the little boy in the 1994 Susan Sarandon movie "the Client".

and also the will to live. i now have Apathy Syndrome. thanks nex.
vexed alex's Avatar
vexed alex at 09/11/2007 12:51
Shouldn't we all get a share of that $100,000 for having to suffer through this piece of crap that Satan himself shat into the internet? I went through the whole thing.

I don't know about you guys, but after watching it I had a moment of blindness. My eyes were trying to adjust from shit vision to normal vision.

Deus's Avatar
Deus at 09/11/2007 14:56
I'm listening to this as I post and I think I'm dying. Where did our generation go wrong!? They could have just given the Pure Pwnage guys the money and put the shows on XBL, because this is.... there are no words for this. Well, maybe Nex's words. That was an amazing rant.

I can't believe I just watched this instead of playing Quake Wars :(
luvmysegadc's Avatar
luvmysegadc at 09/11/2007 15:04
43 seconds of pain and suffering (would have been 38 seconds if i hadn't missed the stop button, twice)
Ninja Asylum's Avatar
Ninja Asylum at 09/11/2007 16:42
wow. you guys really do not like this show, eh? i can tell how you all pretty much copied and pasted each others response and called it original. so you are trashing it. cool. did any of you enter? no? then that must mean you cannot come up with anything better (here is where you get all angry and emo at me). who are you people? anybody? anybody that knows anything? ..thought so. microsoft liked the show. they chose it as a winner over 200+ pilots. and also keep in mind... this episode cost less than $100 bucks (this is where you all say something like 'well that was a waste of 100 bucks!' or 'it looks like it only cost a dollar!' because you are all so damn predictable). It is a pilot. if you knew anyhting, the idea of a pilot is to make content with hopes of people recognizing potential. it is not a final product. it is a test piece. go learn something and get off these lame ass forums.
Ninja Asylum's Avatar
Ninja Asylum at 09/11/2007 16:43
and nex... cool bandanna. all the cool kids are wearing them...including YOU!
Ninja Asylum's Avatar
Ninja Asylum at 09/11/2007 16:47
and nex... cool bandanna. all the cool kids are wearing them...including YOU!
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