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Win an Army Corps of Hell electric guitar or ukuleles! photo

[Update: Contest closed! Grand prize winnner is Dreamweaver! Runner-ups are N7, nekobun and Overindulgence!]

Yes, you read that right. Freaking ukuleles.

We've teamed up with Square Enix to give away a badass Army Corps of Hell themed electric guitar and ukuleles. Three ukuleles to be exact. It's a rather fitting prize if you think about it. Army Corps of Hell has a badass heavy metal soundtrack going for it all the while you use a goblin demon army to reclaim your crown as the king of Hell. You can see for yourself by downloading the game right now through the PlayStation Vita store or picking up a copy at retailers starting on February 22.

What would YOU do if you had your own personal goblin demon army to use however which way you felt like? Tell us in the comments and the best answer will win themselves the electric guitar. Three runner-ups will each win a ukulele.

You have until February 29 at 11:59PM CST to enter and contest is open to anyone with a US based shipping address the prizes can be sent to. Limit one entry per person to so you better make it count!

You see that guy? He's the lord of Hell and wants you to rock out like this guy:

LAUNCH GALLERY (5 IMAGES)
Photo Photo Photo Photo Photo







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8. General Conditions: In the event that the operation, security, or administration of the Contest is impaired in any way for any reason, including, but not limited to fraud, virus, or other technical problem, the Sponsor may, in its sole discretion, either: (a) suspend the Contest to address the impairment and then resume the Contest in a manner that best conforms to the spirit of these Official Rules; or (b) award the prizes at random from among the eligible entries received up to the time of the impairment. The Sponsor reserves the right in its sole discretion to disqualify any individual it finds to be tampering with the entry process or the operation of the Contest or to be acting in violation of these Official Rules or in an unsportsmanlike or disruptive manner. Any attempt by any person to undermine the legitimate operation of the Contest may be a violation of criminal and civil law, and, should such an attempt be made, the Sponsor reserves the right to seek damages from any such person to the fullest extent permitted by law. The Sponsor’s failure to enforce any term of these Official Rules shall not constitute a waiver of that provision. In case of a dispute as to the owner of an entry, entry will be deemed to have been submitted by the authorized account holder of the screen name from which the entry is made. The authorized account holder is defined as the natural person who is assigned to an e-mail address by an Internet access provider, online service provider, or other organization responsible for assigning e-mail addresses for the domain associated with the submitted e-mail address.

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Hamza Aziz, Destructoid's Community Director, has been here since day one. He was born when a tiger coughed up a hairball into a pool of ooze. He was one of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles before budget cuts. Hamza works as a previews editor and manages a team in San Francisco. To date he has given away tens of thousands of dollars in prizes to readers. What a dick. Actually, Hamza is as kind as he is hairy. Likes Super Mario RPG, Halo, iPhone, Videogame cover bands, Super Nintendo Meet the rest of the team



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265 comments | showing # 1 to 50
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next 50 comments

togepi258's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:21
togepi258
I would make him sell stuff on eBay. More money for me while I do other things!
BkV's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:25
BkV
I would transform my Goblin Army into clones of me to go out into the world and study everything for me.
They would come back and give me knowledge and make inventions for me.
I shall patent EVERYTHING under the sun, the sun included.
When my master overlord plan kicks into gear, I will have to go down to Georgia to battle Lucifel with my violin to try to rock his and the entire world's socks off.
Then there are things I would have to fill......with hot Goblin gel.

Mwahahahahahahahahaha.
>_>
dewgy's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:27
dewgy
Frankly, I'd give them all ukuleles and set them upon the unsuspecting masses at the next Warped Tour.
Jason Venter's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:28
Jason Venter
I would use my goblin demon army to force Pauly Shore to fund and star in a revival of a broadway revival of Cats, with the goblins as his co-stars. It could be huge!
389helix's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:28
389helix
I'd free the slaves
Toadsanime's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:29
Toadsanime
If I have my own personal goblin demon army, I'd get them to let me win and deliver the reward to me in the U.K.

Because obviously with all that power the most important thing to do is obtain ukeleles.
manasteel88's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:29
manasteel88
I'd make them gold farm in WoW so I can get rich without actually having to do much.
Jd Blosser's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:31
Jd Blosser
I use my army start start constructing solar panels and capping every oil well in the world. If these governments won't do anything about climate change then my army will.
AriesWarlock's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:33
AriesWarlock
If I had my own goblin demon army I'd use it to battle demon lords, and take their kingdoms for myself. After I've united all armies to mine, I'd have them ALL play Reign in Blood by Slayer and watch as the glass windows of the edifices in heaven break!! \m/
Toadsanime's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:36
Toadsanime
If I have my own personal goblin demon army, I'd get them to let me win and deliver the reward to me in the U.K.

Because obviously with all that power the most important thing to do is obtain ukeleles.
evoLuca's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:39
evoLuca
I would have my personal demon army collectively elect Rick Santorum as president. What could be more evil?
Perfidious Sinn's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:44
Perfidious Sinn
I would make my goblin army seek make fake profiles on Match.com until they got a date, then go to the date with a camera and record people freaking out when they realize they've been fooled and are dating a goblin.

It's basically the premise for my new reality show "To Catch A Goblinphile"
dtomek's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:45
dtomek
I would setup a sweat shop in the fashion of foxconn. However, as I would be less remiss to admit I was a modern slave driver, I would be able to undercut china and crush their economy in the process. With the waves of economic collapse washing over the rest of the world's countries, I would step in as a savior and unite the world under my oppressive thumb. Then, space. Obviously.
Jinxed Havoc's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:49
Jinxed Havoc
If I had my own goblin army I would take over the world in the most modern possible way:take over the global market. I would make it known that I have actual goblins working for me which would naturally draw attention towards me. Rumors and tabloids would rapidly spread on the newspaper headlines that Jinxed_Havoc has possession of something the world thought did not exist. Then phase one would be complete.

Phase 2: making the masses adore and feel sympathy for the goblins to the point that they start to ask about their own beliefs and if anything else exists in the real world we once deemed impossible. I would fill them with false hope and start making my own form of religion making them cast aside their own choices to serve unto me, the man who knows the truth about the world as we know it. Or so they would think.

Phase 3: eventually the goblins will reproduce and become more of a controlling of the unknowing humans which I will make them into my own manipulated slaved, creating whatever I need or seem fit to rule this world.

Phase 4: Once the true lord of hell rises from the cracked earth and be born into this world, I can present this once nasty rock that now would reform into a utopia for my dark lord. He would thank me, and quite possibly promote me as his right hand.

Final Phase: Profit
Nathan BanannaThug Braughton's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:52
Nathan BanannaThug Braughton
I would use my own personal army of goblins to find Waldo. He's tormented me enough!
Meryc's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 15:58
Meryc
I'm a pretty boring person. With an army of demons I would just set up a farm, have them work it, and I'll never work again.
Tahldon's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:00
Tahldon
I would send them across the globe with one mission: Bite any asses that are exposed above a belt.
Hayate8's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:03
Hayate8
I would create my own reality show called Reality Kills. Using my own personal goblin demon army the cameras will follow me on my path of revenge. I will go to every and any reality show that rejected me to slaughter and destroy the shows that I now hate. Beating the level is not enough and of course I will have to replay the level doing weird and freaky stuff to get all the achievements. There will be a lot of trolls, ogres, and witches as there are so many housewives show so that will be the repetitive part.

One of the more difficult stages will be the cooking level and singing competitions. The enemies will now have sharp knives and terrible voices which my army is not immune to. With so many reality shows going more than 5 years now like Survivor, Bachelor, Amazing Race, Jersey Shore, etc the nightmare might never end. I need these enchanted +100 Legendary Electric guitar and Ukuleles of DTOIDness in my weaponry or we're all DOOMED!!!
Zonic505's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:04
Zonic505
I'd make them do all my college work. & maybe figure out how to get money so I could fund some wanted sequels gamers wanted.
ScurvySee's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:05
ScurvySee
I would have them open banks. The world is full of Harry Potter nerds who think Goblins are the most effective bankers, thus they would bring their business to my banks. My goblin banks would soon dominate the banking industry and then I would rule the world. Suck it Rothschild family.
DanteKilgannon's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:06
DanteKilgannon
Goblin Army at my whim? I'd make them star in a rock opera.
In Lupites Exercitus Rise est fere!
gattsocean's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:10
gattsocean
I would make them all hide in pairs.. and have one record the other scaring women and children.. then post them all on youtube
UNEMPLOYED JEDI's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:12
UNEMPLOYED JEDI
I would tranfer my evil demon army into hot looking babes, basically Victoria Secrets Models. I would then have them rob banks and steal rich bastards money. I"ll then send them to take out all the evil sons of bitches in the world. Finally I would open the largest strip joint in the world and have people visit my hot looking demon army babes. Hamza would be my number one customer VIP member.
cbmitche's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:13
cbmitche
I would create a new holiday to rival that Santa and his 'Christmas', and the goblin demon army would be my legion of worker elves. Soon I would begin stealing Christmas' corporate sponsors and put an end to the monopoly Santa has on gift giving holidays.
Smo5000's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:13
Smo5000
I'd make them dress like englishmen in the early 1900s and recreate scenes from various old-timey sherlock holmes movies. Then i would grossly overwork them into making a hot rod....and proceed run them over with said hot rod.

One goblin demon army well spent.
mix's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:17
mix
I would shred with them all with an epic guitar riff while Shredder from TMNT shredded cabbage and cheese so we could all have a insanely shredded salad after.

One does not shred without proper sustenance.
N7's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:28
N7
Duh, I'd do what you're supposed to do with a Goblin army. Put on tights that highlight my package and chase women around mazes with them:



As for the guitar...

I play a pretty shitty guitar... well I haven't played since college. If I won this i'd reteach myself how to lay with Rock Smith and hopefully use this knowledge at a bitchin NARP to rock out... Probably mostly Foo Fighters & Jimmy Eat World.
Dale North's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:29
Dale North
i want! fuck this job as I can't win anything we offer up. If I had a goblin army...wait, i do!
Aaron Miles's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:33
Aaron Miles
With my own army....I would most definitely convert everyone into liking metal and not talking shit or looking down upon us bc it's different! I would have many bands and many labels, I would open up stop many jobs in the music industry and fix the economy in the process! Nobody jobless and everyone liking metal! Oh yeah lol my army would vote me in as president and we would run the nation then soon the world with peace and the love of music would unite us all! No more money problems so much more education for all. That being said.....I could fix it all in a few years!! Please let me win this guitar I deserve it I think, I don't want death and destruction just an overall agreement that music and the love for it will set us all free! \«/ metalheads for life records would be my label lol, thanks for the chance!
Kakashi's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:34
Kakashi
I would use those goblins to kidnap Jim Sterling and Jonathan Holmes. Then force them to mate and create a Sterling Jonathan Holmes. I would then take that lovechild's DNA and insert it into the goblin's bodies to create a cuddly, lovable, handsome, entertainment powerhouse and spread the wealth to all Dtoid readers. Maybe take over the world too. Or record that lovemaking session and sell it on the internet for top dollar. Either way I win. The possibilities are endless!
Occams electric toothbrush's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:35
Occams electric toothbrush
I'd make the goblins all get jobs at Subway restaurants and film them for a reality show on truTV. It would be the spiritual sequel to Bait Car.
tangyrobot's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:35
tangyrobot
Longest Human (goblin) Centipede ever.



dat ukelele
bindingofalex's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:36
bindingofalex
i would have goblin orgies all the time
Jason Judge's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:44
Jason Judge
I would use my own personal goblin demon army to round up all of the great guitar players in history. I would then (with the threat of my army) force them to battle it out for the position of best guitarists (by class) in ever. They would then be informed that their sole duty for the rest of their existence was to teach me everything they know. If they fail me, they will be slowly tortured to death by my personal goblin demon army by listening to Kenny G and Menudo on a continuous loop for all eternity. Once my skills were complete, I would take my army and force the entire world to gather at the largest concert ever conceived (the entire earth) while I blasted my amazing guitar abilities to them from the moon. The sound system would consist of every speaker ever made. Anyone who dared as to even yawn during my ten day solo would be instantly dispatched via one of my personal goblin demons. Then I'd take a short nap and have my army get me some pizza...
Dao2-SKP's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 16:56
Dao2-SKP
Have them find and destroy every DRM activation server in existence!

and world peace and all that other good stuff.
TurboKill's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:01
TurboKill
I would add "Bar Mitzvahs and Baby showers" to my freelance musician business card, have my goblins forecfully distribute the cards to everyone. After my immediate rise in fame, I would make the ultimate power metal video which will be called "Conquer Everything" and it will be a music video of me literally conquering everything with my army. Except Canada.
RowdyRodimus's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:09
RowdyRodimus
If I had my own army of goblins I'd begin a new version of the Crusades to win over converts to The Church of Jim Sterling. We'd begin in France because those godless heathens need the light of truth Jim provides, then America and the rest of Europe and finally the world.

All shall bow with bended knee to the one true lord and savior, Jim Sterling. Thank Jim for Jim.
RoninZero's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:09
RoninZero
I would make them make Destructoid accounts and then post in this, so I have an increased amount of winning the prize. Then rock out.
Qraze's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:14
Qraze
i would probably brush my teeth then force them to build toys in the north pole whilst i smoke a pipe and recollect on past failures.
DooDooPistols's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:18
DooDooPistols
They would all cheer for me as I try to play my instrument. Kinda like a DragonForce concert, except it'd just be me on stage fumbling around, and fans of DragonForce are demon goblins anyways.
quantumriian's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:21
quantumriian
I'd care for them with all the love a mother could have for her goblin army from Hell. I'd make them breakfast before walking them to school, tell them (for the hundredth time!) not to gang up on the other kids at school cause they were just kids- not a goblin army from Hell. Unfortunately, feeding a goblin army requires that I work three jobs, so I get little time to spend with them after school. Usually I'll arrange to have a babysitter come over and be dinner but there are so few teenagers who meet the weight requirements these days (and they eat a lot!) Anyways, however it happens they always end up being fed and in bed by the time I arrive home to cook breakfast. Sometimes I wish the neighbors weren't so scared of goblin armies and Hell and all that- I really need some help for after school. Then again, maybe the neighbors HAVE been helping...I haven't seen them for awhile...
argggh's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:29
argggh
My "Goblin Army" can shine my balls!
nekobun's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:35
nekobun
Personal goblin demon army? Huh. Going by the infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters proposal, I imagine handing them controllers and letting them play stuff while I was at work would do wonders for my gamerscore and PS3 trophy count, at least for games I didn't feel like finishing or had already done but couldn't handle higher difficulties. What? I really want all the titles you get from Quick Battle in Soul Calibur V but I'm not that good.

Also, instant fap-factory for my cblog. Which sounds a lot dirtier read aloud and if you don't know what fapping a cblog means. Someone higher up might question where several dozen new accounts with the same IP address but seemingly unique profile information and whatnot came from, but I'm not sure they'd complain until some of the little bastards learned how to troll.

The real trick would be keeping them a secret from my landlord, if they have to stay on my premises anyway. "Legion of demon goblins," isn't explicitly excluded on the lease, but I don't think it's particularly permissible, and I'm not in a position to move out just yet.
FreakyFruit's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:41
FreakyFruit
With my goblin army, I would teach them to do acrobatics, and dazzle the whole country with their amazing skills, and after they are done with every act, they will be ordered to kill whoever watched it. Watch out when you are watching national TV! Muahhahaahahahaalulz.
lokijki's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:43
lokijki
I'd use them to get me a ukulele. Because ever since earlier today, I've really wanted a ukulele. I was browsing Amazon for ukuleles right before seeing this. I want a ukulele.

Oh, and I'd be sure to set a few aside for world domination. I have my priorities in order.

(Ukuleles, man. http://music.amandapalmer.net/track/ukulele-anthem )
painintheaxe's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:49
painintheaxe
We will create a satan worshipping death metal band and take over the world with our music by melting off faces whenever people see our performances. As part of the shock value, we will murder any and all political figures on stage at every show.
shadow2398's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:53
shadow2398
Four words:

Real life warhammer match.
Johnny Luchador's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 17:53
Johnny Luchador
If I had a Goblin Army I would do the Following.
I Would not listen to the wise chinese man who gave me said goblin.
I would feed them Chicken after midnight
Let them loose in my unsuspecting parents house.
Then My unsuspecting Parents would somehow let them escape the house and into the city, where they multiply, and eat more chicken after midnight,terrorizing the citizens of the city.
Only for it all to be foiled by a man named Billy and his pet Mogwai who started the whole mess in the first place.
Then I'd repeat the steps after moving to New York and call it Goblin Army 2: The New Batch.
Drakonin's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2012 18:23
Drakonin
I would remake all my favorite shows, somewhat lower budget version of Firefly goblin additions like instead of shiny, things would me slimy, limited dialogue though like in the gremlin movies. They would also make great reavers, but instead of eating people the go all three stooges and slap people around.
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