1:40 PM on 02.29.2012 | Hamza CTZ Aziz
[Update: Contest closed! Grand prize winnner is Dreamweaver! Runner-ups are N7, nekobun and Overindulgence!]
Yes, you read that right. Freaking ukuleles.
We've teamed up with Square Enix to give away a badass Army Corps of Hell themed electric guitar and ukuleles. Three ukuleles to be exact. It's a rather fitting prize if you think about it. Army Corps of Hell has a badass heavy metal soundtrack going for it all the while you use a goblin demon army to reclaim your crown as the king of Hell. You can see for yourself by downloading the game right now through the PlayStation Vita store or picking up a copy at retailers starting on February 22.
What would YOU do if you had your own personal goblin demon army to use however which way you felt like? Tell us in the comments and the best answer will win themselves the electric guitar. Three runner-ups will each win a ukulele.
You have until February 29 at 11:59PM CST to enter and contest is open to anyone with a US based shipping address the prizes can be sent to. Limit one entry per person to so you better make it count!

You see that guy? He's the lord of Hell and wants you to rock out like this guy:

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Hamza Aziz, Destructoid's Community Director, has been here since day one. He was born when a tiger coughed up a hairball into a pool of ooze. He was one of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles before budget cuts. Hamza works as a previews editor and manages a team in San Francisco. To date he has given away tens of thousands of dollars in prizes to readers. What a dick. Actually, Hamza is as kind as he is hairy. Likes Super Mario RPG, Halo, iPhone, Videogame cover bands, Super Nintendo Meet the rest of the team
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They would come back and give me knowledge and make inventions for me.
I shall patent EVERYTHING under the sun, the sun included.
When my master overlord plan kicks into gear, I will have to go down to Georgia to battle Lucifel with my violin to try to rock his and the entire world's socks off.
Then there are things I would have to fill......with hot Goblin gel.
Mwahahahahahahahahaha.
>_>
Because obviously with all that power the most important thing to do is obtain ukeleles.
Because obviously with all that power the most important thing to do is obtain ukeleles.
It's basically the premise for my new reality show "To Catch A Goblinphile"
Phase 2: making the masses adore and feel sympathy for the goblins to the point that they start to ask about their own beliefs and if anything else exists in the real world we once deemed impossible. I would fill them with false hope and start making my own form of religion making them cast aside their own choices to serve unto me, the man who knows the truth about the world as we know it. Or so they would think.
Phase 3: eventually the goblins will reproduce and become more of a controlling of the unknowing humans which I will make them into my own manipulated slaved, creating whatever I need or seem fit to rule this world.
Phase 4: Once the true lord of hell rises from the cracked earth and be born into this world, I can present this once nasty rock that now would reform into a utopia for my dark lord. He would thank me, and quite possibly promote me as his right hand.
Final Phase: Profit
One of the more difficult stages will be the cooking level and singing competitions. The enemies will now have sharp knives and terrible voices which my army is not immune to. With so many reality shows going more than 5 years now like Survivor, Bachelor, Amazing Race, Jersey Shore, etc the nightmare might never end. I need these enchanted +100 Legendary Electric guitar and Ukuleles of DTOIDness in my weaponry or we're all DOOMED!!!
In Lupites Exercitus Rise est fere!
One goblin demon army well spent.
One does not shred without proper sustenance.
As for the guitar...
I play a pretty shitty guitar... well I haven't played since college. If I won this i'd reteach myself how to lay with Rock Smith and hopefully use this knowledge at a bitchin NARP to rock out... Probably mostly Foo Fighters & Jimmy Eat World.
dat ukelele
and world peace and all that other good stuff.
All shall bow with bended knee to the one true lord and savior, Jim Sterling. Thank Jim for Jim.
Also, instant fap-factory for my cblog. Which sounds a lot dirtier read aloud and if you don't know what fapping a cblog means. Someone higher up might question where several dozen new accounts with the same IP address but seemingly unique profile information and whatnot came from, but I'm not sure they'd complain until some of the little bastards learned how to troll.
The real trick would be keeping them a secret from my landlord, if they have to stay on my premises anyway. "Legion of demon goblins," isn't explicitly excluded on the lease, but I don't think it's particularly permissible, and I'm not in a position to move out just yet.
Oh, and I'd be sure to set a few aside for world domination. I have my priorities in order.
(Ukuleles, man. http://music.amandapalmer.net/track/ukulele-anthem )
Real life warhammer match.
I Would not listen to the wise chinese man who gave me said goblin.
I would feed them Chicken after midnight
Let them loose in my unsuspecting parents house.
Then My unsuspecting Parents would somehow let them escape the house and into the city, where they multiply, and eat more chicken after midnight,terrorizing the citizens of the city.
Only for it all to be foiled by a man named Billy and his pet Mogwai who started the whole mess in the first place.
Then I'd repeat the steps after moving to New York and call it Goblin Army 2: The New Batch.