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Why Penis Why?: MK vs. DC's Kitana looks ... lumpy photo

The latest render for upcoming license-'em-up Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe reveals Kitana ... and maybe reveals a little too much of Kitana, if women with huge bulbous protrusions from their crotch regions aren't your cup of tea. My love of women with ... shall we say ... "groinal gifts" is known to all and sundry, but even I'm a little intimidated by Kitana's considerable "bump mapping."

Kitana's bollock curtains seem to be a sign of a new trend. We already have to deal with a far more mannish Chun Li in Street Fighter IV, but if Kitana having a c*nt you can rest your beer on is any indication, one can only expect to see further instances of gynecockogy in the future. Who will be the next victim of penile panty lining? I shudder to think.

We can only hope it's a lump of kryptonite that she's stashed in her leotard in order to take down Superman, which might finally reveal the reason why the MK and DC characters are able to fight each other. I think a tasteful cutscene of Sub-Zero and Shao Khan forcing green rocks down their slacks (before kissing) would be an adequate way to ground this game in reality and make everybody happy, don't you?


LAUNCH GALLERY (1 IMAGES)
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69 comments | showing # 1 to 50

HarassmentPanda's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:01
HarassmentPanda
Jim Sterling, Newsman.
DV2FOX's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:01
DV2FOX
no full body view on kitana?...also why dick whyyyy?....

Hope she still has her kiss of death...;P
kevkevblazini's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:07
kevkevblazini
I don't know which one is more fucked....Kitana having a unit or the fact that there was a story written about it.
vonneuton's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:09
vonneuton
Jim. You're my hero.
pendelton21's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:10
pendelton21
Also cocks!?!?!
Mushman's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:11
Mushman
WOAH, What the Shit, that's seriously messed up, srsly. :(
Red Monkey's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:12
Red Monkey
I'd buy that for a dollar
king3vbo's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:13
king3vbo
Bridget TIME
superhobo's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:20
superhobo
Kitana was always a dude: Remember Mortal Kombat Conquest?
mix's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:20
mix
OH HELLS YEAH!!!!

"groinal gifts" is probably the best word c-c-combo that I have ever heard!
rpbowlinggod's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:22
rpbowlinggod
who really doesn't like a nice pelvic shelf?
GuitarAtomik's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:24
GuitarAtomik
I don't have a problem with the actual design but that is a REALLY shitty render-shop.
BahamutZero's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:25
BahamutZero
I think it's just her FUPA. you know, Fat Upper Penis Area.

bring it on. I hope she at least uses it in a fatality
F Whipple's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:25
F Whipple
my hump...my hump...my lovely lady lump

check it out
pendelton21's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:27
pendelton21
@F Whipple

No. No, I will not check it out.

Ever.
Alexradl's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:28
Alexradl
Lol, I'm scared.
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:30
Samit Sarkar
"Bump mapping." Brilliant.
Necros's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:31
Necros
Because kryptonite is just so grounded in reality to begin with.
Riser Glen's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:33
Riser Glen
The art team behind the Mortal Kombat series has been confusing male and female anatomy for a while now.
NihonTiger90's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:39
NihonTiger90
They really need to do a better job with female character models.
TurboSpaz's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:40
TurboSpaz
They should paint a little face on her softball sized clitoris and class it as an extra character
Big Z's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:45
Big Z
Bollock curtains? Consider your phrase stolen for future use.
Rabite's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:46
Rabite
What bothers me is the fact that someone looked that closely at the picture. Then again this is the same site that highlighted Ryu's package, so I shouldn't be surprised.
BenHaskett's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:49
BenHaskett
Anyone here see that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm with Jeff Garlin who's response to a girl's tiny penis actusations was that she, on the contrary, just had a massive vagina?

Yeah...
TrailerParkJesus's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 18:51
TrailerParkJesus
So she's a little too excited.
Velt's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 19:04
Velt
@Hells 666:
pretty stupid statement there.
Mushman's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 19:04
Mushman
@HELLS 666

AW shit dude. why start, seriously. Just say you hate him and be done with it for now.

Jesus.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 19:05
Jim Sterling
Hells 666, just so everybody is aware, is an ex-boyfriend of mine who I broke up with for being too clingy and needy. I tried to let him down gently, but after weeks of him sending me offline IMs and text messages begging me to take him back, I simply stopped returning calls and haven't seen him for about two months.

I really hoped he'd have let go and moved on by now, but he continues to harass me in the vain hope that we can rekindle what we once had.

Hells 666 ... Simon. Simon, part of me still loves you, but I realize that the part of me which loved you most only loved the man I thought you were, not the man you actually are. One day you're going to make some guy very happy, but you always knew I wanted some independence. I can't deal with a man who phones me if I'm twenty minutes late, demanding to know where I've been. I was renting So I Married An Axe Murderer from the rental store, you KNEW where I was. Having to deny allegations of cheating while in the comedy section of Blockbusters with a copy of The Naked Gun 2 & 1/2 in my hand was not a good way to end a relationship, and you know it.

Move on Simon. For your own sake.
n3rv3's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 19:07
n3rv3
first trans-gendered mortal kombat character lol
free touch's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 19:12
free touch
This just in: Jim Sterling... Also Cocks.
Niero's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 19:14
Niero
Hells 666 was banned for repeated trolling:

* @Jim Jim JIM....... Seems like you want to s...

* @Brad Nicholson wow looks like you are the ...

* @ Jim Sterling Like "ALWAYS" you get the tra...

* @Chad Concelmo AND your dad is like King ...

Hate to do it, but I can't stand that shit.
Professor Pew's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 19:14
Professor Pew
Maybe it's her vulva tumor. I hear they can grow quite big in Outland.
peeetah's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 19:38
peeetah
DRAMA
Altair78's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 19:39
Altair78
We are paying WAY too much attention to this...

...but then again, I always say Chun Li can "yap" on me anytime she wants and I have bouncing boobs for an avatar... so who am I to talk...

On a side note, this artical HAS to have the most "a.k.a."'s for vagin that I've ever read in my life. As usual Jim, good show.
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 20:04
Sharpless
No, no, no, she's just very clitorially gifted.

Hells was finally banned? I've been pretty miserable lately. That just brightened my day. :)
balth's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 20:04
balth
Maybe it's actually Shang Tsung morphed into Katana...wielding a meat Katana if you know what I mean???
bam2003's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 20:13
bam2003
maybe because it's wrong to hit women, throw a penis on, and it's ok :)
kevinski's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 20:29
kevinski
Penis is the new vagina.
007's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 20:44
007
wait... Jim.... and that dude.... WHAAAAT?!?
Quest's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 21:01
Quest
wow Jim that's news ... i tough i was on joystiq for a sec
MechaMonkey's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 21:01
MechaMonkey
Niero, you're doing God's work. Keep banning trolls.

Kitana's bulge is the only way she can compete with Superman:

Pepillou2's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 21:17
Pepillou2
y that girl have ponos?
also, lol b&
inja's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 21:21
inja
Maybe the bulge is for xbox versions- those lot are into that.
SourGr8pes's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 22:06
SourGr8pes
Battle of the Bulge: Ryu VS Kitana
AliasWyvernspur's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 23:14
AliasWyvernspur
NSFW
maybe http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mons_pubis ?
NSFW
mistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 23:22
mistic
Hail Niero for the actions against 666 :-)

ontopic: that image is gross :-(
whormongr's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/05/2008 23:24
whormongr
do want.... umm did I just say that?
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