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Why Penis Why?: MK vs. DC's Kitana looks ... lumpy
6:01 PM on 08.05.2008, Jim Sterling 77 comments

Why Penis Why?: MK vs. DC's Kitana looks ... lumpy photo
     Fighting Games

The latest render for upcoming license-'em-up Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe reveals Kitana ... and maybe reveals a little too much of Kitana, if women with huge bulbous protrusions from their crotch regions aren't your cup of tea. My love of women with ... shall we say ... "groinal gifts" is known to all and sundry, but even I'm a little intimidated by Kitana's considerable "bump mapping."

Kitana's bollock curtains seem to be a sign of a new trend. We already have to deal with a far more mannish Chun Li in Street Fighter IV, but if Kitana having a c*nt you can rest your beer on is any indication, one can only expect to see further instances of gynecockogy in the future. Who will be the next victim of penile panty lining? I shudder to think.

We can only hope it's a lump of kryptonite that she's stashed in her leotard in order to take down Superman, which might finally reveal the reason why the MK and DC characters are able to fight each other. I think a tasteful cutscene of Sub-Zero and Shao Khan forcing green rocks down their slacks (before kissing) would be an adequate way to ground this game in reality and make everybody happy, don't you?


LAUNCH GALLERY (1 IMAGES)
Photo
 

Next page: More Mortal Kombat stories




Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 08/05/2008 18:05
kevkevblazini's Avatar
kevkevblazini at 08/05/2008 18:07
I don't know which one is more fucked....Kitana having a unit or the fact that there was a story written about it.
vonneuton's Avatar
vonneuton at 08/05/2008 18:09
Jim. You're my hero.
pendelton21's Avatar
pendelton21 at 08/05/2008 18:10
Also cocks!?!?!
Mushman's Avatar
Mushman at 08/05/2008 18:11
WOAH, What the Shit, that's seriously messed up, srsly. :(
Red Monkey's Avatar
Red Monkey at 08/05/2008 18:12
I'd buy that for a dollar
king3vbo's Avatar
king3vbo at 08/05/2008 18:13
Bridget TIME
superhobo's Avatar
superhobo at 08/05/2008 18:20
Kitana was always a dude: Remember Mortal Kombat Conquest?
mix's Avatar
mix at 08/05/2008 18:20
OH HELLS YEAH!!!!

"groinal gifts" is probably the best word c-c-combo that I have ever heard!
rpbowlinggod's Avatar
rpbowlinggod at 08/05/2008 18:22
who really doesn't like a nice pelvic shelf?
GuitarAtomik's Avatar
GuitarAtomik at 08/05/2008 18:24
I don't have a problem with the actual design but that is a REALLY shitty render-shop.
BahamutZero's Avatar
BahamutZero at 08/05/2008 18:25
I think it's just her FUPA. you know, Fat Upper Penis Area.

bring it on. I hope she at least uses it in a fatality
F Whipple's Avatar
F Whipple at 08/05/2008 18:25
my hump...my hump...my lovely lady lump

check it out
pendelton21's Avatar
pendelton21 at 08/05/2008 18:27
@F Whipple

No. No, I will not check it out.

Ever.
Alexradl's Avatar
Alexradl at 08/05/2008 18:28
Lol, I'm scared.
Samit Sarkar's Avatar
Samit Sarkar at 08/05/2008 18:30
"Bump mapping." Brilliant.
Necros's Avatar
Necros at 08/05/2008 18:31
Because kryptonite is just so grounded in reality to begin with.
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 08/05/2008 18:33
The art team behind the Mortal Kombat series has been confusing male and female anatomy for a while now.
NihonTiger90's Avatar
NihonTiger90 at 08/05/2008 18:39
They really need to do a better job with female character models.
TurboSpaz's Avatar
TurboSpaz at 08/05/2008 18:40
They should paint a little face on her softball sized clitoris and class it as an extra character
Velt's Avatar
Velt at 08/05/2008 18:41
Niero's Avatar
Niero at 08/05/2008 18:41
Big Z's Avatar
Big Z at 08/05/2008 18:45
Bollock curtains? Consider your phrase stolen for future use.
Rabite's Avatar
Rabite at 08/05/2008 18:46
What bothers me is the fact that someone looked that closely at the picture. Then again this is the same site that highlighted Ryu's package, so I shouldn't be surprised.
BenHaskett's Avatar
BenHaskett at 08/05/2008 18:49
Anyone here see that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm with Jeff Garlin who's response to a girl's tiny penis actusations was that she, on the contrary, just had a massive vagina?

Yeah...
TrailerParkJesus's Avatar
TrailerParkJesus at 08/05/2008 18:51
So she's a little too excited.
Velt's Avatar
Velt at 08/05/2008 19:04
@Hells 666:
pretty stupid statement there.
Mushman's Avatar
Mushman at 08/05/2008 19:04
@HELLS 666

AW shit dude. why start, seriously. Just say you hate him and be done with it for now.

Jesus.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 08/05/2008 19:05
Hells 666, just so everybody is aware, is an ex-boyfriend of mine who I broke up with for being too clingy and needy. I tried to let him down gently, but after weeks of him sending me offline IMs and text messages begging me to take him back, I simply stopped returning calls and haven't seen him for about two months.

I really hoped he'd have let go and moved on by now, but he continues to harass me in the vain hope that we can rekindle what we once had.

Hells 666 ... Simon. Simon, part of me still loves you, but I realize that the part of me which loved you most only loved the man I thought you were, not the man you actually are. One day you're going to make some guy very happy, but you always knew I wanted some independence. I can't deal with a man who phones me if I'm twenty minutes late, demanding to know where I've been. I was renting So I Married An Axe Murderer from the rental store, you KNEW where I was. Having to deny allegations of cheating while in the comedy section of Blockbusters with a copy of The Naked Gun 2 & 1/2 in my hand was not a good way to end a relationship, and you know it.

Move on Simon. For your own sake.
n3rv3's Avatar
n3rv3 at 08/05/2008 19:07
first trans-gendered mortal kombat character lol
free touch's Avatar
free touch at 08/05/2008 19:12
This just in: Jim Sterling... Also Cocks.
Niero's Avatar
Niero at 08/05/2008 19:14
Hells 666 was banned for repeated trolling:

* @Jim Jim JIM....... Seems like you want to s...

* @Brad Nicholson wow looks like you are the ...

* @ Jim Sterling Like "ALWAYS" you get the tra...

* @Chad Concelmo AND your dad is like King ...

Hate to do it, but I can't stand that shit.
Professor Pew's Avatar
Professor Pew at 08/05/2008 19:14
Maybe it's her vulva tumor. I hear they can grow quite big in Outland.
peeetah's Avatar
peeetah at 08/05/2008 19:38
DRAMA
Altair78's Avatar
Altair78 at 08/05/2008 19:39
We are paying WAY too much attention to this...

...but then again, I always say Chun Li can "yap" on me anytime she wants and I have bouncing boobs for an avatar... so who am I to talk...

On a side note, this artical HAS to have the most "a.k.a."'s for vagin that I've ever read in my life. As usual Jim, good show.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 08/05/2008 20:04
No, no, no, she's just very clitorially gifted.

Hells was finally banned? I've been pretty miserable lately. That just brightened my day. :)
balth's Avatar
balth at 08/05/2008 20:04
Maybe it's actually Shang Tsung morphed into Katana...wielding a meat Katana if you know what I mean???
bam2003's Avatar
bam2003 at 08/05/2008 20:13
maybe because it's wrong to hit women, throw a penis on, and it's ok :)
kevinski's Avatar
kevinski at 08/05/2008 20:29
Penis is the new vagina.
007's Avatar
007 at 08/05/2008 20:44
wait... Jim.... and that dude.... WHAAAAT?!?
Quest's Avatar
Quest at 08/05/2008 21:01
wow Jim that's news ... i tough i was on joystiq for a sec
MechaMonkey's Avatar
MechaMonkey at 08/05/2008 21:01
Niero, you're doing God's work. Keep banning trolls.

Kitana's bulge is the only way she can compete with Superman:

Pepillou2's Avatar
Pepillou2 at 08/05/2008 21:17
y that girl have ponos?
also, lol b&
inja's Avatar
inja at 08/05/2008 21:21
Maybe the bulge is for xbox versions- those lot are into that.
SourGr8pes's Avatar
SourGr8pes at 08/05/2008 22:06
Battle of the Bulge: Ryu VS Kitana
AliasWyvernspur's Avatar
AliasWyvernspur at 08/05/2008 23:14
NSFW
maybe http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mons_pubis ?
NSFW
mistic's Avatar
mistic at 08/05/2008 23:22
Hail Niero for the actions against 666 :-)

ontopic: that image is gross :-(
whormongr's Avatar
whormongr at 08/05/2008 23:24
do want.... umm did I just say that?
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