Note: iOS 9 + Facebook users w/ trouble scrolling: #super sorry# we hope to fix it asap. In the meantime Chrome Mobile is a reach around
hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts

Why fanboys are better than you

3:00 PM on 03.28.2009 // The GHost

[Editor's note: The GHost shows us why fanboys are the best thing God ever created. -- CTZ]

I’m posting today with one goal in mind: to set the record straight on some of the misconceptions surrounding fanboys. As much as I would like it to not be the case, the word “fanboy” is often used as a negative term, and that just ain’t right.

Without further ado, allow me to detail why fanboys aren’t only a good thing, but are actually much better people than you or I. 


Fanboys are really the only ones furthering the development of the English language

Sure, there are so-called “scholars” out there that will claim that fanboys are ruining English with their horrible spelling and the malformed series of letters and inappropriate punctuation that they claim are sentences. But any truly astute individual can see that they are actually helping to push not only the English language, but all languages forward. How else can you explain the phrase Microshitting fagtarts? It’s a brand new term that fanboys have graciously given us, which allows us to describe a whole group of people that up until now remained unnamed. Without advances like that, language as a whole would cease to grow and mature, leaving us with embarrassingly antiquated terms and descriptors. I, for one, know that I want my future children to have insults to call people online other than old standbys like “faggot” and “homo-ass dick licker”.

Furthermore, the brave, daring and indeed artful restructuring of grammatical rules that fanboys practice flies in the face of the established convention. A convention backed by a hard-headed old guard that is terrified of the changes and advances that fanboys are heroically trying to develop, not for themselves, but for the rest of us. This honourable rebellion is incredibly stirring to watch as you can see fanboy after fanboy stand up and post comments one after another, thereby showing all of the agents of grammatical convention that they will not go quietly into that cold, dark night. LOL FAGS!


Fanboys do a lot of great work for the worldwide black, gay and lesbian communities

Along with their refinement of the art of written communication, fanboys can often be seen trying to break down hateful racial and sexual barriers. They do this by taking away the discriminatory power of words like “gay nigger faggot” and “dyke bitch fuckslut” by making sure that they use them as often and loudly as possible. You see, the fanboys understand that real social change can only happen if we realize that there are no proverbial “sacred cows”. And that if we all join together, we can reach across the Internet and join with our brothers and sisters, regardless of their sexual preference or race, in a glorious union of screamed obscenities that will forever shatter the walls that divide us. What’s even more impressive is that not only do fanboys have the wherewithal to understand all of this and have the willpower to try and make the dream a reality, but most of them are only 14-years-old! Who says that young people aren't into social activism?


Fanboys are the authority on their respective product and are always willing to help their fellow man make a good purchasing decision

Who else would know more about Nintendo and Nintendo products than a Nintendo fanboy? If I ever need to make a purchase I know that I can get the best information available, not from some corporate website like Cashwh0re.com, but from someone on the ground floor that spends all of his or her free time obsessing over the item in question. This is a service that fanboys will cheerfully give you for free, even if you don’t ask them. All you need to do is go to a Web site that reviewed whatever thing that you’re interested in and look in the comments for one left by a fanboy. And what could be a painstaking process of sifting through useless “normal” comments is easy, because fanboys often helpfully highlight their comments by typing them entirely in caps. On the flipside, negative fanboy comments on a product are also extremely useful, because who knows the faults of a product better than someone who is fervently attached to a competing product?

Any good fanboy worth his/her salt has spent hour upon hour doing real, hardcore research to find out the truth so that they can share it with you. Take advantage of that!



Fanboys are “Gamers” in the truest sense of the word

Fanboys prove their dedication by having huge Gamerscores and such. Pay no heed to the oldfags and fagfags that whine about “having jobs” or “spending time with friends and family” or “not really being into e-peen waving competitions”. Those people are weak and have no right to call themselves gamers. The true gamers are those that will jump to defend their favourite shooter (and it must always be a shooter) with threats of extreme violence and terrible retribution to their opponents without a moments hesitation. Anyone that doesn’t clearly isn’t dedicated enough to even be in the same comment thread as those giants of gaming that we call fanboys.


Well, hopefully this post has cleared up some of those misconceptions that you had coming in. Remember: next time you see a fanboy in a forum or in the comments, pay attention and give him/her the respect that he/she deserves you Microshitting fagtarts. You just might learn how to stop being so ghey LOLLOLOLol1o1l1o1o1l!L!OLLOLOLLLOlolol!11!!1!1


The GHost,
 Follow Blog + disclosure

This blog submitted to our editor via our Community Blogs, and then it made it to the home page! You can follow community members and vote up their blogs - support each other so we can promote a more diverse and deep content mix on our home page.





 Setup email comments

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our community fisters, and flag the user (we will ban users dishing bad karma). Can't see comments? Apps like Avast or browser extensions can cause it. You can fix it by adding *.disqus.com to your whitelists.

 Quickposts
Status updates from C-bloggers

Sarah Jane farron avatarSarah Jane farron
and bleh, it seems like there's no way to edit quick posts and for whatever reason, it's cutting off the last two characters of my last post? Tried it 3 times and left it because of it. Well if you saw my previous one: "m!"*
Sarah Jane farron avatarSarah Jane farron
Hope everyone had a good day today regardless of whether you're celebrating valentine's day with someone or like me, sitting by yourself at your PC in a warm dressing gown with a cup of tea :) Mine was okay. Unexciting but I do very much like being warm!
ooktar avatarooktar
So I bought Xenoblade Chronicles X like 2 months ago. I think maybe today I'll finally take it out of the wrapper.
Pixie The Fairy avatarPixie The Fairy
Splatoon and Undertale fans, please do not walk the path of Sonic fans and Bronies. You are both very young, yet you are dangerously close to that path. Naught but ruin lies down that road.
LinkSlayer64 avatarLinkSlayer64
Played SMESH with RadicalYoseph - had some hilarious matches like this one.
SmileyBarry avatarSmileyBarry
Redesigned Dtoid is super-fancy, but scaling is still fucked and Heavy Reading has odd-colored backgrounds... Still, it's fancy & a shitload more lightweight and that's enough to make me happy.
Nick R P Green avatarNick R P Green
Here it is as promised, my valentine's day gift to you all. My 2015 Reflection Series comes to a close with my Top 3 Movies of 2015 (I know, it's not games, I decided to try something different). As always, I'll have a blog version uploaded later!
Fuzunga avatarFuzunga
The Sonic Twitter's done it again.
SeymourDuncan17 avatarSeymourDuncan17
I CHALLENGE YOU, HUMAN, TO... A DUEL! NYEH HEH HEH!
ChrisHannard avatarChrisHannard
In honour of Valentine's Day, let's share our names/synopsis for porn versions of popular video games. I'll start us off with Firecrotch, the tale of a red-headed firefighter struggling to save a nudist colony from a forest fire.
Mike Martin avatarMike Martin
Leave it to Cracked...
Luckrequired avatarLuckrequired
Clicked on Google's Valentine's Day animation and this pops up. Good show, fellas. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-35570606
absolutfreak avatarabsolutfreak
Maybe this has been addressed, but what the hell is going on with Disqus here?
KnickKnackMyWack avatarKnickKnackMyWack
Also, I think my Wii U gamepad is on its last legs... the NFC reader is still kaput, the screen is rather smudgy and the L button is started to stick like a motherfucker. Sooner or later it's just going to stop working altogether methinks. :'(
KnickKnackMyWack avatarKnickKnackMyWack
Younger me would be so disappointed in the gamer I am today. When did I stop finishing games? Seriously!
SayWord avatarSayWord
Hosting a Murder Mystery dinner tonight. What are the chances that I actually get to play myself? =P
RadicalYoseph avatarRadicalYoseph
We were discussing Ben Carson, pyramids, corpses, SoFlo, and Nekro's fetishes in the Discord chat if anyone wants to know what it's like down there.
lewness avatarlewness
Nintendo just sent me an email to say "Congrats on your new Wii U!". It wasn't new it got fucking FRIED and now all my stuff's gone after repairs - I was in Chapter 9! Chapter 9! 70+ hours on XCX! And that's just one game! I was- *walks off ranting*
JPF720 avatarJPF720
Bravo Undertale, bravo.
SpielerDad avatarSpielerDad
The most depressing Valentine's Day song ever, courtesy of Ole Blue Eyes.
more quickposts


Contest!


Seriously

Invert site colors

  Dark Theme
  Light Theme


Destructoid means family.
Living the dream, since 2006

Pssst. konami code + enter

modernmethod logo



Back to Top


We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -