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What's big, black, and costs $1,000?
Gregor11.16.08 - 8:35 PM 17 comments

What's big, black, and costs $1,000? screenshot

Nope, it's not two 20G PlayStation 3 models, it's the price of some guy on Craigslist offering his services as a bodyguard. Imagine, you're in line, and some punk 12 year old cuts in front of you after you've waited for 38 hours. What happens next? Check the picture above. Big Brotha' Willie stands 6'7" and can "hurl a 160lb body ten feet off the curb." Apparently the $1,000 also covers two to three hours of friendship. Gee, what an awesome guy! Mr. Entreprenuer also offers a $1,050 package for the high rollers our there. What's the $50 for you ask? Elbow throwing, what else?

But seriously, props to him. If I were a large black man, I would do this too. No charging for elbow throwing though, that's just pure satisfaction. Don't feel bad for the guy paying $1,000 to some guy to protect him, feel bad for the people who get f*cked up when they try to cut you in line because in the end, the puny nerd has a PS3. Still skeptical? Check out this snapshot of his ad here



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JuanoTejano's Avatar
JuanoTejano at 11/16/2006 20:53

I'm not impressed, I'm 6'7" and can hurl a body ten feet but can't make it in the big black bodyguard game, why is that you ask? RACISM, that's why! Nobody wants a big white bodyguard... I seriously will guard anyone in the socal area for $100 an hour.
Jelster's Avatar
Jelster at 11/16/2006 20:54

Last time I checked punching someone in the face because they cut in line was still illegal. And I'm quite sure hiring someone for that exact purpose is too.

So for $1000 you get to see some arsehole punched out and then spend the rest of the night in jail playing wack-a-hole with crack heads.
ZeroTolo's Avatar
ZeroTolo at 11/16/2006 21:00

I noticed that he used the word "body". I can't help but feel that he's implying that the person it belonged to wasn't inhabiting it anymore when he did it.
Gregor's Avatar
Gregor at 11/16/2006 21:01

How do you know they're crackheads? That's just stereotyping.
ZeroTolo's Avatar
ZeroTolo at 11/16/2006 21:08

YEAH! They might be hooked on smack too!
Grim's Avatar
Grim at 11/16/2006 21:09

This is just like the TV show, Rob & Big -- skateboarder hires big black guy to be his body guard and best friend.
kelle487's Avatar
kelle487 at 11/16/2006 21:13

This is perfectly explainable. Look at his frigging picture. IT'S BARRY BONDS!!! No wonder he can throw a 160 lb body 10 feet off the curb. Stop the steroid abuse, Barry. You've tarnished the game enough, leave the fanboys alone...
lawl's Avatar
lawl at 11/16/2006 21:13

:)
Jelster's Avatar
Jelster at 11/16/2006 21:26

I apologise if I've offended the drug addeled members of jailhouse 54. I in no way meant to imply your drug abuse was confined to or limited by crack and accept you may also be partial to a nice sponge cake induced sugar rush.
Ishaan's Avatar
Ishaan at 11/16/2006 21:28

Hahahaha, that's just hilarious. Kudos to this guy for being smarter than any of those "Pay me to hold a place for you in line" dudes. Nice one, Gregor!
Joseph Leray's Avatar
Joseph Leray at 11/16/2006 22:18

"Maybe we can play games afterwards."

This guy's slick - he just wants to be paid a grand to play YOUR PS3 for a few hours. And, apparently, he's huge, so it's not like you'll be getting that controller any time soon.
moclippa's Avatar
moclippa at 11/16/2006 22:20

If anyone actually does pay this guy, please do announce it so as violence voyeur's with cameras can attempt to catch some video of this guy manhandling geeks, ebay entrepreneurs and homeless people at the door!
Deus Ex Machina's Avatar
Deus Ex Machina at 11/16/2006 23:08

I wonder how much it would cost to have a prostitute stay in line with you for the duration of your wait. You'd get quality time in the tent every few hours (give or take) and if anyone tried any shit with you her pimp would show up (possibly a 6'7" black guy) and crack some heads. So you'd be getting protection for free.
Dexter345's Avatar
Dexter345 at 11/16/2006 23:48

This is awesome... has anybody taken him up on that offer?
moclippa's Avatar
moclippa at 11/17/2006 00:34

Deus Ex... I walked by a tent with a guy and his girlfriend laying down on a sleeping bag and making out at about 4pm in the afternoon, with the tent wide open... not a prostitute, but if your lucky enough to have an awesome girlfriend that pops over to your lame ass (generally any of us geeks that embark on a 2 day urban camping trip) in the line to give you some love in the afternoon, then all the power to ya!
Tanooki's Avatar
Tanooki at 11/17/2006 03:36

I guarantee paying $1000 dollars to see this guy kick a few camper's asses and get taken away by the police would be a better investment then the PS3 launch. And hey, you might even get to be on TV.

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