This week's Weekend Reading is an interview with the ultra-hardcore gamer Esca. You may know him from Pure Pwnage, and our resident Ninjtendo considers him a rival, or a possible teacher, or whatever. He's just totally gay for Esca, that much I know. In this interview, you'll find action, drama, excitement, and fitness tips. So be prepared to be shocked and amazed, and be sure to check out Esca's Myspace page and website:

http://www.escaflownely.com/

http://www.myspace.com/esca  

DMV: So, what got you into gaming?

Esca: OMG are you serious? I knew this one was coming how would I have guessed? See, it all happened when I climbed on top of my fridge one day and I fell on my head. No joke. I was a little dizzy and my mom had to do laundry that day. We went to the laundry mat and I met this lovely arcade machine named Mario Bros. Since then, it was love at first sight. My head was hurting and pounding but that damn game made it go away.

DMV: Certainly more of a story than finding a dusty Atari 2600 in the garage.

Esca: Well see I was very poor growing up, and I could not have such things. I remember going day in and day out to that laundry mat to find change people have left in the machines or dropped to play. I would walk like six blocks there and such. This was in a small town called Keleen, Texas.

DMV: Did you dominate the high score?

Esca: You know I never really kept track. I just loved playing it so much and when they got the Duck Hunt version in there later OMG. By then I was cutting some lawns and such.

DMV: Have you ever gone back to see if the machine is still around in the laundromat?

Esca: No someday I do want to visit there, though. My family lost everything in Texas and we were forced to move to Wisconsin with nothing more than what we had on our backs

DMV: When you moved there, was it a while before you were able to get back into gaming, or were there local arcades for you?

Esca: When I first moves to Milwaukee, WI, gaming was not the main thing, although I really wanted to, I was worried more about my parents and the family. I remember seeing the Nintendo commercials on TV and my friends talking about it. I wanted on so BAD! My friend in the neighbor hood got one so I would play there and the teacher at school got one for the class and if you were good and had good test scores you would get to play for an hour. Let's just say I studied hard and saved money for myself. I never asked my parents because I know the situation they were in and I even used to hear my mom cry because she could not get stuff for us. But one day, man, that one day was it. When I got my NES, it was heaven. I remember my parents got a break; I don't remember how they got all this money but they did some or some company owed it to them. I only had like 30 bucks saved up or so from like cutting lawns for the old lady in the neighborhood and like helping with odd jobs. I got really sick man and I had to go to the hospital. I was there for 3 days, then I came home and BAM the NES waiting for me. I still remember I pulled that thing out of the box and the smell. I will never forget that smell man. You know that Nintendo smell?

DMV: Were you flipping out like the N64 kid?

 Esca: Well not like that. I had just gotten out of the hospital, but maybe I should have. But seriously, I will not forget that damn smell. I just got the Wii and I did the same thing I sat there and smelled it to see if I could get the same feeling. Nope, no smell. I didn't have my own TV, I remember. A week or so later I saw that a neighbor had thrown a TV out and I went and picked it up. I don't know what was wrong with it but it worked, and then I had NES in my little room. Everything from there on is a blur. I am glad I grew up in these times so I could see everything evolve like it is now.

DMV: Yeah, I'm a bit younger than you. I was in the middle of SNES when I got into gaming.

Esca: yeah by far I think the Snes was the best system. Well the Wii is kicking some ass now. But dont talk to me about the 64...eeewww

DMV: You disliked it more than the GC?

Esca: YES! That's when I turned to the dark side of Sony...but yet again Sony and Nintendo were partners. Nintendo betrayed Sony and they got there asses handed to them, so I don't feel too bad.

DMV: Well, it looks like Sony is going to be suffering this generation, don't you think?

Esca: UM yeah but they know that They will come back around like in a year in a half or so. Wouldn't put it past them, too. I think they rushed it .Sony is kind of sucking all company around.

DMV: So, our resident Ninjtendo was wondering a couple things about you. How many girls send you naked pictures?

 Esca: Nice question, haha. I have to admit I DO GET ALOT OF THEM, and they are real. I don't know what it is I'm just a regular geek that likes the games. You should see the emails I get sometimes

DMV: I think its because you have a bit of bishonen mystique.

 Esca: I guess...but hey if I can do it, any gamer out there can too. I am myself and that is all you need you know. I am not shy about my passions and stuff, I put it out there 100%. I get the occasional “you're a fag,” etc. etc. but the positive is so much more. I guess the sexy NES outfit just turns the girls on and make the guys angry for some reason.

DMV: Did you make that yourself?

Esca: OH hell yeah. Everything you see on my site I modded or did myself

DMV: Does that SNES backpack still work?

 Esca: No, sadly. That's the reason I did that with it. It went out on me after so many years. Nintendo makes some tough ass products, let me tell you. It was hard to bust that bad boy open; I have scars.

[Image removed. See update]

DMV: How'd you acquire your fan base?

Esca: You know people say I have fans but I really do not know. I just started my site like 3 years ago. I just wanted to have like a diary a daily life type thing for me out there. I just posted about things that mattered to me and most of that stuff was about games and anime, then it just started taking off. Another reason it is is because of Pure Pwnage

Esca: I think that did it for me too the hair. If I cut it all off one day I will go into the shadows once again.

DMV: No! Then Nex won't have someone to compare fabulous hair with! So do you go out in cosplay often?

Esca: I have my days. There are the special event days, the weekends when I feel like it, and when the ladies ask for it behind closed door or outside what ever they like. Oh, and of course ACEN, the only anime convention I go to every year.

DMV: Are you a big anime fan? I noticed the Initial D sticker and all

Esca: Hahahaha, well what do you think? Yes, I am a big anime freak .

DMV: What are some of your recent favorites?

Esca: Blood Trinity, Samurai Champloo, and Escaflowne. Oh, and Appleseed.

DMV: Any love for Ouran High School Host Club?

Esca: Yes! I just started but I recently had a crash in my comp and lost over 300gs of downloaded anime.

DMV: aah! Go redownload it! So, what do you do to fund your gaming obsession?

Esca: Everything, but I mainly sell crack pills. No, I am a IT/Graphics manager. No kids to feed...well my niece, I love her to death I just got her a DS light for Christmas. All the extra money I have besides food bills and such goes to gaming.

DMV: Any games to go with it?

Esca: Yeah, just New Super Mario Bros. Hell what uncle do you know that will get you a DS Lite, and you're only 7.

DMV: Damn, that's pretty awesome

Esca: Yeah, shes a little gamer herself. Reminds me of me. I want to give her everything I did not have as a young gamer

DMV: Are you going to train her into being a hardcore gamer like yourself?

Esca: I want her to grow up and be a hot gamer babe and date guys like me. Sometimes I feel like she will surpass me someday, and I will me the old sensei that she will face and move on. Then someone comes and challenges me and kills me and she will avenge me.

DMV: Can you train the Ninjtendo as well? He seeks your tutelage. He can be her great rival!

Esca: Yes, I can train those who seek true gaming.

DMV: Will it be a difficult journey for him?

Esca: Depends how much training he has had so far. I have not met him as of yet and haven't heard legendary tales of him. So I say maybe.

DMV: Haha, he is truly in awe of your skills

Esca: anyone can aquire these skills if they stay committed and truly have a lust and passion to pwn.

DMV: How do you manage to stay in such great shape despite being a gamer? That's probably our greatest challenge as a people.

Esca: Oh, that really started a year ago. Where to start... if you have time later go and visit my blog called Esca vs Esca, I was a skinnier scronny little gamer. Anyways, I decided to treat working out like a game, believe it or not, like a Final Fantasy thing or MMO: grind and get exp. So I started it every day, scheduled work and then gym right after, then the games, Monday through Friday, since all I do is work during the day. All it take is an hour and a half to work out then my day is officially done at 7, with plenty of time to put in 5 hours of gaming or what not. Then it just happened; it became a regular grind, although I have missed a week in a half so far thanks to the Wii.

DMV: So, do you have anything to say to all the dtoid readers out there?

Esca: I have lots of things to say...please visit my site! Seriously though, I just want to let everyone know that I am just and regular gamer like the rest, nothing special I just might have more of a passion and play more that I should or anyone should and I'm not afraid to show my love for such things, no matter what anyone says. This is my love and will always be.

DMV: Well, perhaps we'll be at PAX sometime?

Esca: shoot me an invite and I will be there for sure. That is one thing that I really want to get into is go to more events in the industry. You know, if I could just work doing cosplay and such for games, I would be in heaven.

DMV: Alright, well thanks for taking time out of your work day to come talk to us.

Esca: Nice talking to you guys!

[Update: Due to an e-mail from Jarett at PurePwnage, "ROFLMAO Productions Inc. requests the removal of all instances of the Pure Pwnage logo from said article, as well as the necessary editorial changes to accurately reflect his relation to the show.  That being - he is simply a devoted *fan* of the internet television show Pure Pwnage."]