LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA: This just in! I have been corrupted by videogames and am not a douchebag!

I was just outside the FOXTOID offices buying a coffee from a vendor on the street when an old woman accidentally bumped into me as she was trying to navigate the bustling crowds of people. When she hit my arm, she unwittingly made me spill some of the hot drink on my new Armani suit.

I just wanted to make it clear that when I pushed her on the ground and called her the “C” word it was entirely because of videogames! It had nothing to do with the fact that I disrespect the elderly and am pissed because I now have to go out of my way to make a trip to the dry cleaners before my golf game this afternoon.

I just want to clarify this to the large amount of people who recorded this shocking event on their camera phones and to the even larger amount that will most likely watch it over and over again on YouTube. Videogames are to blame! It was videogames, I tell you!

Oh, and if my goddamn suit isn’t cleaned by tomorrow, it was Grand Theft Auto that made me get you all fired, employees of Happy Hat Cleaners.