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Video Game crushes: Wanting to rape your imaginary friends photo

After five hours of Eternal Sonata, I can finally admit it to myself: I have a crush on Frederic Chopin. Before you start laughing, think back over all the games you've played. Maybe you were so absorbed in the storyline you didn't even realize it. Put down your controller in hushed reverance for all of Sephiroth's cut scenes? Waited patiently for all the moments you could get extra glimpses of Lara's endowments? Maybe your heart even fluttered any time Balthier was dashing and debonair, dangerously straddling the line between androgny and rampant homosexuality. Either way, more of you are guilty of this crime than you'd like to admit: The Video Game Crush.

 

Your average non-gamer (or even some gamers who have never experienced the phenomenon) will be quick to say,"Why would you get a crush on someone who isn't even real? That''s stupid." Stupid, perhaps, but I can't help but think about all the imaginary people I'll fallen a little in love with, and not just in video games. Ender Wiggin in the Orson Scott Card novels is one of my long standing not-real crushes. How can any logical person find themselves in this position? The answer is simple: The heart is not logical, and a video game is an ideal setting to entertain illogical things. You're already flying along the coast of the Etrian Sea Universe in an armored flying narwhale wearing a crown of igloos, so why not fall in love with the Princess of Obscuria?

It also seems that when we play games, we get to meet many characters who we will never meet the real life equivalent of. I am pretty much assured that I will never meet anyone as metrosexual as the Final Fantasy boys until I head straight to the streets of Harajuku, so it makes sense that those characters might be a little fascinating. As far as female crushworthy characters are concerned, the formula is even simpler: Few real world women kick ass and look as sexy doing it as the Lara Crofts and Chun Lis of the world. Then there's the sweet and helpless formula, which Aerith of Final Fantasy fame is the reigning queen of. She looks so sweet while she's being stabbed through the chest with a sword, doesn't she?

Some people think it's ridiculous, but in my mind having a crush on a character in a game is as normal as getting choked up when a great game ends. If the character designers meshed well with the writers and did their job right, they created characters that were ultimately real enough to emotionally engage you -- something that seems to be getting harder and harder in RPGs every day. It's a compliment to their skills that I can't stop thinking about that dreamy Chopin. The voice actors, of course, are the glue that holds it all together. In a modern era of gaming that makes fully voice acted games the norm, they bring these characters to life or leave them behind to blend into the scenery.

So, got a crush? You can admit it. It's okay. Unless your crush happens to be Pyramid Head, in which case you're an ill little gerbil and really should be confined to a damp room with no doors. Really, it takes all kinds.


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56 comments | showing # 1 to 50

SourGr8pes's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 11:24
SourGr8pes
When Rydia grew up.... Maaaaaan oh maaan....
Lukich's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 11:30
Lukich
I don't care if this means BSD will be coming to my house to kill me, I call Samus Aran!
LunarDuality's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 11:34
LunarDuality
Yes, I've had them...many, many times.
blehman's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 11:36
blehman
SourGr8pes gots it right, 1st crush was the Rydia in adult form.

Also, well-endowed Tifa.
nademagnet's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 11:38
nademagnet
I've always had a crush on Alyx Vance and Ivy.
ShinSennju's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 11:48
ShinSennju
uhhh, Samus Aran and Eva from MGS3, ohh, and Serra from Fire Emblem ^^
nerpin's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 11:48
nerpin
Way back when I was a wee young'un...Katt from Breath of Fire 2. Now I think she'd need to shave her legs badly and get some education, but the lack of pants is still interesting. The love of redheads has stayed with me to this day though.

In later years...Feena from Grandia. She's still something of a model for the sort of girl I like to date. Strong, confident, capable and adventurous (though sometimes those traits seem to come with aggressive/demanding tendencies...). Sheena from Tales of Symphonia fits that, but by then I was out of the game crush thing and dating a gorgeous redhead (Who played Sheena in battles to boot!). So maybe if I had been single and lonely at the time...*scratches chin*
PetiePal's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 11:52
PetiePal
Who didn't want to bang Tifa?

And I would have railed Ariel the Little Mermaid back in the day.
ChrisFurniss's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:02
ChrisFurniss
I like it when guys use words like "railed" to refer to intercourse with a woman. It's an easy way to tell when he hasn't had the pleasure.

Lemme see... video game crushes... Dixie Kong. Awwww yeaaahhhh.
ChrisFurniss's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:05
ChrisFurniss
I like it when guys use words like "railed" to refer to intercourse with a woman. It's an easy way to tell when he hasn't had the pleasure.

Lemme see... video game crushes... Dixie Kong. Awwww yeaaahhhh.
frozenbabylon's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:05
frozenbabylon
Adult Rydia from FFIV and Celes from FFVI

Also my Man-crush for Setzer from FFVI knows no bounds.

But there are more. Oh so many more.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:12
Mxyzptlk
There are some things that should be kept to ourselves.
Tino's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:13
Tino
Theres a fine line between rape and crush Colette.
Baron Calico's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:21
Baron Calico
Lets see... Tifa for all the wrong reasons... Jade (BG&E) for all the right ones.

And in retrospect, yes, adult Rydia could summon me anytime!
wiiwillovercome's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:23
wiiwillovercome
Mia from Phoenix Wright
Lightthrower's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:25
Lightthrower
Eternal Sonata is a pure gem. Me and my girlfriend are currently playing it with 2 players and we're in love with it. I totally understand how you feel about it Colette (but i hate Beat).
BahamutZero's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:30
BahamutZero
I would do so many unspeakable things to jessica from DQ8, then it would be her turn to use that whip...
stummies1121's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:33
stummies1121
Chris Redfield was definitely my first video game crush.

Another that comes to mind is Miles Edgeworth from Phoenix Wright. Gotta love those tortured souls. Oh and when playing FFVII back in the day, I was pretty much in love with Cid.

I'm looking forward to playing Eternal Sonata though. I have a real-life crush on Chopin (what can I say? Classical music makes me hot) so I can see that stretching into the video game realm.
F Whipple's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:33
F Whipple
Gerudo fortress anyone. I know I was excited to be taken prisoner by an enclave of sexy desert ladies.
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:36
AngelsDontBurn
Awkwaaaaaard.
covah's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:37
covah
Chopin is a fucking gangster in that game.
SourceDecay's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 12:46
SourceDecay
cortana (oh, that voice), jade, mia.
Skeeter's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 13:13
Skeeter
...and let the true pedophiles and statutory rapists please stand up.

I'm all over those girls from "The Guy Game." Well some of them at least.
VampireChrist's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 13:14
VampireChrist
jill valentine <3
master of unlocking my heart
Chris Taran's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 13:20
Chris Taran
Yukari Takeba from Persona 3.

<3 <3 <3
zomB Eter's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 13:27
zomB Eter
I want a threesome with Ivy and Christie, GOD I LOVE ME SOME EVIL WHITE HAIR HAVIN BITCHES!!!
soadsam's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 13:34
soadsam
ya well i wanted to rape chopin before it was cool
Aequitas's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 13:36
Aequitas
Seconded for Cortana. She isn't even real in the game, but I don't give a damn. Alyx and Jade fit the same kind of smart, self-sufficient mold, too.
A New Challenger's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 13:39
A New Challenger
Skeeter just called me out: I have a bit of a thing for Saria. At least I was 14 when I played Ocarina of Time. Besides, she'll look like that when she's 80.

I can see where stummie is coming from with the Miles Edgeworth love. I'm completely hetero but he's a good-looking fellow.
Colette Bennett's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 13:53
Colette Bennett
@Stummies - MAD points for the Kids in the Hall reference. ^____^
DGX Goggles's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 13:59
DGX Goggles
Kasumi (loli face w/ DDs?), Ayane (back stance), Tifa (doesn't everyone?), and Lyn (gonna be hard to play SSBB).
uglymofo's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 14:01
uglymofo
Velvet from Odin Sphere. Ho. Lee. Shit.
kaneka's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 14:23
kaneka
Xianghua(SC 2) and Jade Raymond...wait...what ? she's real?
SourGr8pes's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 14:25
SourGr8pes
SECONDED ON VELVET! Who the hell walks around the woods in black garters though...?
stummies1121's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 14:37
stummies1121
@Colette

Thanks! You're probably the first person to ever call me out on that. Now my life has not been in vain.
Necros's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 15:07
Necros
For about a week, I thought Taki from SCII was really cute. Then I realized I was thinking about a video game character and never did it again. I still feel dirty.
Zarathustra's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 15:35
Zarathustra
KOS-MOS
Paddylicious's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 16:06
Paddylicious
i remember back in the day i had a crush on this character from a carmen sandiego game where you have to spell words and do puzzles to find clues. it was an asian girl that looked like a real girl i had a crush on at the time.

i'm sure there are a million other pretend girls i've had crushes on, but i can't remember them anymore :(
Topher Cantler's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 16:23
Topher Cantler
May from Guilty Gear. SHAME BE DAMNED!
robotplague's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 17:34
robotplague
I always thought that Ashley from Resident Evil 4 had kind of a boring/ugly face but that I would still hit it regardless. Does that count as a crush?
Gamechamp's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 17:34
Gamechamp
Mario es teh hawt.

But on a serious note, this honestly hasn't happened to me before with video games.

Anime, on the other hand, yes. But it's a secret. I SHALL NEVER REVEAL IT.
Hamza CTZ Aziz's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 17:50
Hamza CTZ Aziz
I want Samus. It works out nicely since my cock's nick name is Metroid.
Zed's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 18:02
Zed
You've just discovered the whole point of cosplay.
braulio09's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 18:28
braulio09
well, i'm a guy and love Cloud

Rikku from FFX is also mine...girly energetic girls ftw

Cloudy ♥
Wedge's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 19:23
Wedge
May is a lesbo Topher.

Also Chopin looks hawt, do want. Neo-Victorianism is teh secks.
kawitchate's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 19:48
kawitchate
kudos on the article. my list: Yuna from FFX and X-2, Winry from Fullmetal Alchemist, Mary Jane from Spider-Man
SchickOuttaShape's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 22:17
SchickOuttaShape
well ironically i'd never fallen in love with a game character until...

Tun tun ta na NUN: Hotel Dusk!!!!!

I'll be hot diggity damned if Kyle Hyde isn't the hottest (and charmingly flawed) fictional detective EVAR!

but currently i'm also crushing on Junpei Iori in Persona 3. =)

sadly...i'm super teh sadz0rz for not being able to play Eternal Sonata, since i'm 360less. =(
Dexter345's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/20/2007 23:19
Dexter345
Back in the day, it was Tifa from FFVII. Nowadays, probably the Master Chief. He's just so, strong. Big, strong, burly man...
Resonance's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/21/2007 00:27
Resonance
Alyx Vance. *drools*
gingerbreadben's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/22/2007 21:17
gingerbreadben
No ones gonna say it huh? well.
GNOME FEMALES FTW!
just joking.
but really.
always had one on Keira Hagai (Jak and Daxter)
and a small one on Ashelin Praxis (Jak and Daxter)
:D
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