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VH1 tugs on your retro heartstrings with four crappy new games photo

We all know that VH1 is the station for older, and supposedly wiser (read: un-hip), music aficionados. The kind of kind of people that would, upon hearing Freedom Rock, ask you to turn it up, man!

So, it comes as no surprise that the station that brought you compelling programming such as: It came form the whatever's, would think that the combination of semi-washed up musicians and 80's arcade rip-offs would be a great idea. Observe:

You may not miss the days of mullets, tight-rolled jeans, gummy bracelets and hair metal  -- but who doesn’t long for the days where video games… were, well, video games.  Only one button and simple controls was all that was necessary to navigate your player as you conquer one level at a time.  Fear not!  You can still relive your glory days of gaming with a selection of new titles inspired by classics like Q-Bert, Joust, Dig Dug and more, as VH1 Games introduces 4 free (I REPEAT, FREE!) web games using some of your favorite 80s musical acts. Available right now on http://games.vh1.com/gameinfo.php?gid=97 :
 

    * OZZY’S BAT BITE – Help the “Prince of Darkness” bit off the heads of falling bats, but avoid the doves.


    * GENESIS GENIUS – See if you can reunite the Genesis band by answering a series of trivia questions.


    * HEART ATTACK – Help Heart collect hearts while avoiding enemies based on characters from their songs.


    * ZZ TOP’S BEARD BRAWL – Protect ZZ Top’s world-famous beards from the dangerous onslaught of cigarette butts, razors and other projectiles by spinning their guitars to fight them off.

Being a retro gamer, there's only one thing I can say to the person who thought this up -- Cocaine: it's a hell of a drug, isn't it?


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22 comments | showing # 1 to 22

Niero's Avatar
Niero at 05/22/2007 17:28
That almost looks like the cave level in Rygar. I miss that game! (runs to eBay)
OldschoolVgamer's Avatar
OldschoolVgamer at 05/22/2007 17:38
"Cocaine it's a hell of drug"

Chappelle's show FTW!

Anyways, a lot of these online flash games suck. This is with the exception of a lot of entries on Newgrounds.
topgeargorilla's Avatar
topgeargorilla at 05/22/2007 17:44
i wish music television didn't suck so bad. everything is just rubbish on television these days
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 05/22/2007 17:49
Fun fact: The whole "I Love the [insert decade here]" series of shows was apparently the brainchild of Reggie Fils-Aime back when he was VH1's Senior Vice President. I think he was long gone by the time they started doing the 80's for the third time.
s0lesurviv0r's Avatar
s0lesurviv0r at 05/22/2007 18:01
I've officially given up on VH1 because Best Week Ever has apparently turned into a bi-weekly occasion and the last one was a fucking American Idol jackoff session. The Soup has always been better anyway.
Niero's Avatar
Niero at 05/22/2007 18:05
I for one am ever-pissed about the absence of music in music television, and this is another shining example. I wish they'd focus on making really fucking good music television instead of trying to soak up every demographic under the sun.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 05/22/2007 18:10
Dyson gets a FAIL for mocking the only channel that'll dare show ELO music videos. Or maybe that's just the VH1 we get over here.
Netik09's Avatar
Netik09 at 05/22/2007 18:11
I agree. Most music television is for the tweens anyway. Where the hell can I watch real music television? Anyone know? Website?
topgeargorilla's Avatar
topgeargorilla at 05/22/2007 18:13
unfortunately, music television, music videos, and the artists themselves are all part of the over-arching corporate endevor. Media conglomerates fight for the biggest share of the market. Think the console wars are tough? the battle for the eyes, ears, and wallets of the consumer is enormous in television and radio. VH1 and MTV, supposedly music television stations only offer marginal music entertainment as they can gain a larger share of the market with shitty reality shows and celebrity gossip. Ugh, it just sucks relying on mass media for entertainment. For many artists, I don't even see a point to make a video. If it's not rap or pop, down it goes.
Chad Concelmo's Avatar
Chad Concelmo at 05/22/2007 19:38
I want an "I Love New York" game! Please?
Kannaya's Avatar
Kannaya at 05/22/2007 19:42
What!? musicians are still making music videos. I guess I wouldn't know because I never watch those so-called music channels. I do however like who the pixel bats look. I am partial to bats in general though. They are soooo cute!
908peruvian's Avatar
908peruvian at 05/22/2007 20:11
RAMBO 4 !!! YOU MUST SEE THIS!!

http://www.moviesonline.ca/movienews_12045.html
Kia's Avatar
Kia at 05/22/2007 20:14
Man, you guys are failing like crazy lately. First Nick totally blows it with Scrubs and M*A*S*H, now dissing on VH1?

Wait, wait, you guys are -trying- to appeal to the half-drunk frat boy crowd, right? Or the ones with no music taste whatsoever? Come on, I know it's got to be one of them!
Colette Bennett's Avatar
Colette Bennett at 05/22/2007 20:51
Rick Astley flash game where you get to stab him in the face repeatedly? Please?
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 05/22/2007 20:55
Since when did VH1 start playing music videos again? Last time I tuned in, the network was entirely devoted to nostalgia programming and getting Flava Flav some ass.
Dyson's Avatar
Dyson at 05/22/2007 20:56
@ Kia, I'm not shooting to appeal to any demographic, I really don't care for VH1. Plus, I'm old enough to remember television before there was cable, let alone MTV/VH1.

Sterling may have a warm spot in his heart for VH1, but that's because he's old enough to remember a time before television.
OldschoolVgamer's Avatar
OldschoolVgamer at 05/22/2007 21:09
To tell you the truth, I used to be a frequent watcher of VH1. Loved Behind the Music and their daily video countdowns but everything lately for the channel has become ratings oriented and you see a bunch of low-brow crappy "celebreality" crap that at times is really only mildly entertaining. But suffice to say, I'm not as much a fan as I used to be.
CrackaSlim's Avatar
CrackaSlim at 05/22/2007 21:50
Fun Fun Fun in the fluffy chair/Flame up the herb/Woof down the beer...
Rockvillian's Avatar
Rockvillian at 05/22/2007 22:21
haha ELO. I feel old now.
Detry's Avatar
Detry at 05/23/2007 02:18
I want a new Golgo 13 game.

Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 05/23/2007 03:57
Oi! I'm 23.

I just have the musical tastes of a 45 year old woman.
Dyson's Avatar
Dyson at 05/23/2007 22:38
And the nipples of a seventy-two year old man, I've heard stories.
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