VH1 tugs on your retro heartstrings with four crappy new games

We all know that VH1 is the station for older, and supposedly wiser (read: un-hip), music aficionados. The kind of kind of people that would, upon hearing Freedom Rock, ask you to turn it up, man!

So, it comes as no surprise that the station that brought you compelling programming such as: It came form the whatever's, would think that the combination of semi-washed up musicians and 80's arcade rip-offs would be a great idea. Observe:

You may not miss the days of mullets, tight-rolled jeans, gummy bracelets and hair metal  -- but who doesn’t long for the days where video games… were, well, video games.  Only one button and simple controls was all that was necessary to navigate your player as you conquer one level at a time.  Fear not!  You can still relive your glory days of gaming with a selection of new titles inspired by classics like Q-Bert, Joust, Dig Dug and more, as VH1 Games introduces 4 free (I REPEAT, FREE!) web games using some of your favorite 80s musical acts. Available right now on http://games.vh1.com/gameinfo.php?gid=97 :
 

    * OZZY’S BAT BITE – Help the “Prince of Darkness” bit off the heads of falling bats, but avoid the doves.


    * GENESIS GENIUS – See if you can reunite the Genesis band by answering a series of trivia questions.


    * HEART ATTACK – Help Heart collect hearts while avoiding enemies based on characters from their songs.


    * ZZ TOP’S BEARD BRAWL – Protect ZZ Top’s world-famous beards from the dangerous onslaught of cigarette butts, razors and other projectiles by spinning their guitars to fight them off.

Being a retro gamer, there's only one thing I can say to the person who thought this up -- Cocaine: it's a hell of a drug, isn't it?