Do you spend more time on Facebook than at Mass? Well, you dirty little boy, why not combine your idleness and the word of Christ with Vatican Wars -- a hot new social game in which you can become Pope!

The game allows you to join either the socially conservative Templars or the socially liberal Crusaders. You'll need choose sides in various issues, such as abortion, gay marriage, and whether or not you can slap a bunch of rubber on the end of your squirming little maggot (not their words). 

You can choose to "debate" players, perform duties, and invest in assets to increase your daily income. Perhaps the best part of the game is that I selected my beliefs as favoring gay marriage and abortion -- pretty much anything I could select that contradicted the Church's explicitly stated stances -- yet I keep winning debates against those Facebook users who don't favor them. Perhaps the Church is secretly more liberal than we thought!

In any case, this is my new favorite game of the forever. I'll leave the inevitable jokes about minigames involving choirboys to you guys. 

Vatican Wars [Facebook, via GamePolitics]

Legacy Comments (will be imported soon)

Issun

My God this game is madness !

IliyaMoroumetz

The only response that this gets out of me is a palm to the forehead and a strained, "Oh dear..."

Epic-Kx

XBLA PORT?!

BoboTheMonkey

Choirboys...

ZeniGeva

GOTY!!!

FieryDeath

Jesus Christ...

josmeister

Tropico: Vatican. Now that'd be a cool game.

Kylius

Templars? Crusaders?

Where are the Assassins!?

XidZen

Templars - conservatives hell yeah! Im gonna join.

Isay Isay

I could think of about 95 things wrong with this

Litos

Yeah they forgot the Assassins D:

bubmario

This is...incredibly stupid. On multiple levels. Just like every other Facebook game. At least it's good for a laugh.

I'll also be shocked if the Catholics don't become enraged by this. Controversy, away!

BooDoug187

Is there a "move child molesting priest to other churches and cover up their crimes" or "hide the fact we helped Nazi out during WWII" options?

NukaCola

I'm Catholic, and I think this looks stupid.

Attackbaby

Where are Index and Touma?

RaccoonBrigade

But wait! *pushes up glasses* Didn't the Crusades happen long before the Enlightenment idea of liberalism? I call foul!

Keadin

So, I work on a Facebook game and have seen a ton of weird stuff on the platform. This is one of the most bizarre things, but considering the paying Facebook demographic it kind of makes some sense.

bubmario

@Robotic

Along with the fact that the Templars and "Crusaders" were fighting on the same side in The Crusades. There was no political difference. Also, VIDEO GAMES :D

Occams electric toothbrush

Stephen Beirne

Los255

Laughing outloud.

charlie von chaingun

Any chance of a DSiware port? ;)

MuddBstrd

Actually, the Catholics that have the leisure time to be playing a Facebook game are probably very liberal. The conservative members of the Catholic base are usually much worse off from a socioeconomic standpoint. I'm not that surprised by your experience, Jim.

What I want to know is where is the Mormon equivalent of this? That's a religion that, after the bullshit they pulled with Prop 8 in California, really just can't be griefed enough.

sprldr

PhilKenSebben

@Occams: Battle Pope rules

kidplus

Fuck the Pope.

ricochetguro

I love how you can play as the genocidal Crusaders >(

I'll play if I can send my army to kill god.

Noah

Is there a mode where you get to build some of the first hospitals, schools and charities
? Or join the Sisters of Charity that Mother Theresa established to care for orphaned kids all over the World?

Sorry I forgot we're only bashing Catholics here.

Zepinephrine

I misread the title as 'Catholic hooker' rather than 'Facebookers'. And it's gonna stay that way.