Portal 2 launched yesterday in a whirlwind of critical acclaim, but if you believe some of the fans out there, this game is the worst thing since anthrax was invented.
An army of bitter little fanboys has attacked the game via Metacritic's user reviews, with hundreds of negative summaries complaining about unbelievably inane sh*t. Many of them just seem upset that the game didn't release as early as they wanted it to. Others bitch about the downloadable co-op costume packs that appeared at launch.
Yet more are claiming that the game is overpriced and that the main campaign is only two to four hours long. That last complaint is a straight-up lie, but apparently that doesn't matter if a customer is really pissed off about some inconsequential nonsense.
I'd go so far as to agree that the DLC is silly, but that actually has nothing to do with the game itself, which is one of the best titles I've ever played (review coming soon). The campaign is six to eight hours long, and then there's co-op, which looks to add almost as much playtime.
As far as the ARG not unlocking Portal 2 early? Oh BOO HOO, you entitled, spoiled, pathetic little twats. Nobody promised anything.
I swear, no company gets shat on by its fans more than Valve, and it seems that it's solely due to the fact that Valve actually treats its customers well. Apparently, years of free content, and treating consumers with respect, and actually understanding gamers has the effect of creating some of the most demanding, infantile, greedy little fuckers on the face of the earth.
"It's shorter than some internet flash games i've played, is loaded with day 1 DLC," cries some idiot, "and has a terrible port from consoles. The price is 900% what it should be for what essentially amounts to less effort than most oblivion mods. Sad."
Just for reference, in case any of you are thinking of adding your own reviews:
- The game is six to eight hours long, and that's just the single-player mode.
- It's not a console port, and claiming that it is makes you sound like a clueless prick.
- As expensive as the DLC is, downloadable content has no bearing on the actual content of the game, which is more than worth the price
- It's not a "minigame," and you're a moron if you say this.
- An ARG not unlocking a game two days early has nothing to do with the final product and has no place in a videogame review. Your extraneous butthurt does not make a good game bad.
Of course, the people whining would still buy Portal 3 and everything else Valve puts out without a second thought. No wonder they whine so hard -- it must be difficult being such spineless, dickless chumps.
Contest:
9:20 AM on 04.20.2011 | 
I think it's actually infuriating the way the community has flipped the shit at Valve.
Pro tip -- continued posts stressing how little you care about things only serve to make it look like you really, really care.
All M. Bison puns aside, this article is much needed. Too many spoiled brats tainting the industry.
*insert haters gonna hate leo pic here*
Actually, i don't think most people who shit there didn't even play the game. I mean, it's so full of shite, that you must not know what are you talking about to write that.
I think metacritic should think about disabling user ratings - for the last half year user ratings are constantly full of hysterical assholes. It's like a big flashmob
While I want to pay the Steam price (£26.99) I'm going to pay £40 tomorrow.
Why?
Because i want to send my own little, tiny message to Valve saying, "You guys ROCK, I appreciate you allowing me to play this game on any console (apart from the locked down eggsbawks), keep doing this awesome shit!"
So yeah.
Haters, they gon' hate.
In the words of Mr Cohagen "Fuck em"
It also seems to me that people are playing through this as though there's some time limit to be met, as if it's a race. If this is the case, then it's their own fault.
The point is: you can go to the ends of the earth to try and make your fans happy. Valve is an excellent developer and publisher who at least appears to be making an effort to keep PC gaming healthy. They produce products that - from a quality standpoint - tower over most games that get released these days, and it saddens me that people feel the need to devalue the accomplishment that is Portal 2.
Jim: your words are spot on. Congratulations on being able to put to words the exact reaction that I've had to these so-called "reviews".
The steamthing on Ps3 is totally awesome, works like a charm. So yeah, support it :D
Also, this game is so good its insane.
I am also waiting for a price drop, because Valve loves me.
I for one loved Portal 2. In fact I just beat it not 10 minutes ago. Good stuff. Though I could have done without a Portal on the moon. (Hence the achievement being titled "Lunacy" with the description "Yeah, that just happened.")
As I wasn't one to immediately jump out of my chair screaming "The cake is a lie!" when I beat the first game, you won't find me beating a dead meme-horse to death like I expect the idiots of the world to do.
VALVe = Gods among Men.
I've bought every game they made. Day one Steam user and happy with it.
I'm loving Portal 2 more than even Half Life 2: Episode 2 ! It's a great game that's for sure.
The length of the game is no problem to me. If people rushed through the game it's their problem..
In terms of Port, well I do suspect that the game is easier due to gamepads ?! I don't know how to feel about that. It seems like the puzzles were tuned down to support gamepads. And if I see a dialog that says "Please do not shut down your console" when I'm saving on my PC, everyone gets suspicious !
The In-Game store was a shock to me yes, but I'm used to this due to TF2 ( probably spent 200€ on that ). But seriously I don't see a need for hats in a 2-Player Co-op game !
I thought the ARG was interesting and fun. If people cry about the game 'only' releasing a few hours earlier ( I had to get up at 6 a.m. ) well I don't care. I had fun with the game and will play it over and over again.
The only thing that bummed me terribly was the pre-order dilemma with Portal 2. So one evening I refreshed the Steam page and saw that Portal 2 is there for pre-order. Well ofcourse I gave them my 45€.
But later on the thing with Potato-Sack and Portal 2 came up. I thought to myself not to buy it.. It has no sense buying it again. I collected all the potatoes I could get with the games I had bought before.
And now they give free VALVe-Complete Packs to owners of a golden potato ? In the beginning I didn't care. But later on they added gift-passes for the games that you already had. Well fuck you ! Just because I pre-ordered 5 minutes after it was announced I get backstabbed by a company that owns a distribution-platform I spent more than 2000€ on ? Seriously FUCK YOU. The rest ? I don't mind, they've got to make money somehow.
I do love the game. I am not a VALVe hater now or something. I LOVE Portal 2.. and Gabe Newell <3
0_o