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Home Uwe Boll updates

Uwe Boll versus Indiana Jones: Spielberg is clearly terrified

4:22 PM on 03.04.2008, Jim Sterling 56 comments

Uwe Boll versus Indiana Jones: Spielberg is clearly terrified photo
     Uwe Boll

This is news that's been floating around for a while, but it's too funny not to post. Uwe Boll, the controversial movie maker whose films are often reviled by gamers and non-gamers alike, has chosen to pit his latest opus Postal against one of this year's biggest releases -- Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

The Raging Boll has declared open war on Spielberg's highly anticipated film, proclaiming that on May 23rd he is going to "destroy Indiana Jones at the box office." He went on to add, in broken English, that Harrison Ford is "older as [Boll's] grandpa and his time is up." 

The jury is still out on whether Boll is a madman or the greatest comedian in living memory, but either way he is great for a laugh. He even trashed some of Spielberg's films in a bid to prove his superiority over a highly respected and beloved Hollywood director:

"Spielberg gets sloppy. We saw that with War of the Worlds (why the f**k the older brother survived?) and also in parts of Jaws, E.T., Munich etc.! My performance in Postal as 'Nazi Theme Park Owner' outperforms easily Ben Kingsley in Schindler's List!"

Admit it, that's the most brilliant quote you've read all day. Uwe Boll is epic, and the film world is better off with him in it. Where else are you going to get this level of tragicomedy?


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DaedHead8's Avatar
DaedHead8 at 03/04/2008 16:20
There is no way this man said this without laughing hysterically.
slapme7times's Avatar
slapme7times at 03/04/2008 16:20
'The Raging Boll' punned so hard it was like a kick in the balls send straight to boll through your broadband connection...

Munich was 'sloppy'? that's his best film... =(
Endstiem's Avatar
Endstiem at 03/04/2008 16:21
o_O

Wow.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 03/04/2008 16:22
Hahaha, oh Uwe...
Paddylicious's Avatar
Paddylicious at 03/04/2008 16:23
nazi theme park owner?
Passionate Styos's Avatar
Passionate Styos at 03/04/2008 16:23
Boll is the funniest madman alive, period.
Twisted Imp's Avatar
Twisted Imp at 03/04/2008 16:25
I know it's not gonna be the greatest film ever, but I actually want Postal to be watchable.It looks very controversial and somewhat funny. Not Oscar winner though and for sure won't beat Indiana in the Box Office.Also quote made me lol.
Clockwork's Avatar
Clockwork at 03/04/2008 16:26
So now he's a nazi?
JJ Rage's Avatar
JJ Rage at 03/04/2008 16:30
Postal is going to win the Oscar... for best movie ever made.
BluDesign's Avatar
BluDesign at 03/04/2008 16:30
::ROLLS EYES::

Whatever.

You sure you wouldn't rather wait till Xmas day so you can prove that your film is better than Jesus?

Maybe release it on Dec 7th so that people remember it as a day that will live in infamy?

Hype and bullshit are the same thing sold two different ways.
Timmeh's Avatar
Timmeh at 03/04/2008 16:32
Everything this man says is comedy gold. Perhaps he has secretly given up moviemaking as a career and is pioneering some new form of impromptu adlibbed standup comedy.
Silverback 55's Avatar
Silverback 55 at 03/04/2008 16:34
That picture is the most random group of shit I've ever seen.
Miike's Avatar
Miike at 03/04/2008 16:40
Can we get a WHY PENIS WHY tag up on this?

because right beside mini me is clearly a penis, possibly Nicuragian.
MaxVest's Avatar
MaxVest at 03/04/2008 16:41
Uwe Boll is much better at getting press coverage then making things worthy of press coverage. Sort of like Paris Hilton.
X3x3non's Avatar
X3x3non at 03/04/2008 16:51
Why did I not notice the penis just blatantly sitting there on the chair? Uwe deserves a kick to the bolls. Oooooo that's right, I went there.
Rockvillian's Avatar
Rockvillian at 03/04/2008 16:52
I see what he's doing and it ain't gonna work.

Now, a couple movies about some teenage kid in the ghetto who only knows how to [insert 'underground' sport, dance, hobby etc here] and loses his/her [insert family member here] in a car accident, and must go against a group of thugs in a nationwide battle to honor [family member] and win the gold to become American-Idol famous despite all opposition, all with the latest soundtracks.... yeah then Indiana Jones might be in trouble.
GuitarAtomik's Avatar
GuitarAtomik at 03/04/2008 16:53
Can someone please punch this dude in the cunt?
Tull's Avatar
Tull at 03/04/2008 16:55
Me thinks Herr Boll took just way too much punches to the head while he was an amateur boxer.
urbanyeti's Avatar
urbanyeti at 03/04/2008 16:57
I wish I could have this guys swagger. To say something like that means you are a madman with balls the size of blue whales.

I can't wait to see his spin when Indiana Jones obliterates his movie.
macr's Avatar
macr at 03/04/2008 16:59
Haha Uwe Boll fucking rocks! Come on... if you don't take his movies seriously you have to laugh, fun entertainment!
Professor Pew's Avatar
Professor Pew at 03/04/2008 17:03
I think Uwe is the only one that could beat Obama in TX.

Although WotW was fucking terrible and Munich was overrated too. But don't forget we have Spielberg to thank for the final lightsaber battle between Obi-Wan and Vader in Ep3 :P
Emrah's Avatar
Emrah at 03/04/2008 17:07
Uwe Boll is epic. I am sure he is having a laugh.. He is joking and everybody should take his comments as a joke.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 03/04/2008 17:23
"Nazis. I hate these guys."
Cowzilla3's Avatar
Cowzilla3 at 03/04/2008 17:27
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

HA

HA

HO..Hee...hooo, that was a good laugh.
Cowzilla3's Avatar
Cowzilla3 at 03/04/2008 17:27
Well that didn't work at all. There was a whole lot of lauging running off the page there.
CaffeinePowered's Avatar
CaffeinePowered at 03/04/2008 17:36
i bet Spielburg could kick his ass in a boxing match
NihonTiger90's Avatar
NihonTiger90 at 03/04/2008 17:41
Good, now I have a reason not to go see Postal. Same weekend as Indiana Jones. I'll bee too busy seeing that to deal with Boll's crap.
bleep's Avatar
bleep at 03/04/2008 17:50
YES another chance to use Bollshop
Spykron's Avatar
Spykron at 03/04/2008 17:57
i agree that Boll is awesome. hes just too damn funny. ill pay money to see postal.
Dexter345's Avatar
Dexter345 at 03/04/2008 18:02
I have to imagine that he's just playing with us now. He knows he's awful, and he's playing it up like he thinks he's great. Gotta be.
Trowble's Avatar
Trowble at 03/04/2008 18:02
I wonder if he thinks bashing other directors will give his movies praise. His bad movies get enough publicity for being... bad.
vexed alex's Avatar
vexed alex at 03/04/2008 18:02
If he seriously has the midget from Austin Powers in his movie it's immediately an insta-fail.
Atheist Jew's Avatar
Atheist Jew at 03/04/2008 18:06
Seriously, if Boll dies, will anybody actually give a shit, or will his death be as celebrated as Jerry Falwell's? Would he be mourned or would his death be a cause for joy and cavorting like the Greeks of old?

I think the latter.
luvmysegadc's Avatar
luvmysegadc at 03/04/2008 18:27
Face it, fellas: Uwe Boll is our generations' Ed Wood!

Our children and our children's children will be watching his movies as cult classics like "Plan 9 from Outer Space".


...yikes.
Dennen's Avatar
Dennen at 03/04/2008 18:35
You guys say he's funny but I didn't even smile a wee bit throught it.. Matter of fact, I think i'm closer to frowning.

And I don't know about Ed Wood. I don't really care, as I prefer to enjoy my movie watching. If I wanted to inflict pain upon myself for pleasure I am sure there are much better places to do that. But I cannot possibly imagine a time where any of Uwe Bolls movies are widely regarded as "cult classics"... I think that's a stretch that a limousine airliner cannot match.
Samit Sarkar's Avatar
Samit Sarkar at 03/04/2008 19:13
He’s got to be joking. It’s all a part of his schtick. Indy is going to kick Postal’s ass.
HarassmentPanda's Avatar
HarassmentPanda at 03/04/2008 19:38
I knew 'zilla was going to have a chuckle over this one. Even if Postal does turn out to be a great film (HAHAHA), it certainly will not beat Indy at the box office. That's just crazy talk.
MechaMonkey's Avatar
MechaMonkey at 03/04/2008 19:44
Boll's got balls.
method47's Avatar
method47 at 03/04/2008 20:00
I liked War of the Worlds. It wasn't great I guess, but I enjoyed it at least.

But yea, the brother shouldn't have survived.
Im OK's Avatar
Im OK at 03/04/2008 20:18
Uwe would put on his boxing gloves and do a little boxing dance or something, then Indy would just pull out a pistol and shoot him.

Oh, wait, you were talking about the movies. Well, it'll still be about the same thing, metaphorically speaking.

(I still want to see an Uwe Boll vs Jack Thompson chainsaw battle to the death in a steel cage suspended over a shark pit. You know, for what it's worth.)
Corak's Avatar
Corak at 03/04/2008 20:33
Yup poking fun at your own movies shows how serious of a director you really are. He's just setting himself up to fail so when he does its not like he expected it to do well. Also, he'll release it with Indiana Jones so he has an excuse to why it did worse than the "Hottie and the Nottie."

Also I know he's not serious, it grinds my gears as to how he treats his own work. I'm sure he put at least some effort into the movie.
Eschatos's Avatar
Eschatos at 03/04/2008 20:42
Someone needs to surprise him with a bucket full of rabid squirrels.
TheDirtyHobo's Avatar
TheDirtyHobo at 03/04/2008 21:25
Any movie with nazi midgets is a definate Must See on my list.
DrScience123's Avatar
DrScience123 at 03/04/2008 21:38
This is why I respect/love Uwe Boll. Uwe Boll is a pretty cool guy, eh makes movies and doesn't afraid of anything!
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 03/04/2008 22:51
Everytime someone compares Uwe Boll to Ed Wood, an angel loses its mind and kills a bitch.
BlackSunEmpire's Avatar
BlackSunEmpire at 03/04/2008 23:13
Im soooo looking forward to this movie,

wait, are we still talking about Indiana Jones??
BlackSunEmpire's Avatar
BlackSunEmpire at 03/04/2008 23:20
Also, Ed Wood's films are 'good' because they excel at having corny plots and unsophisticated yet well meaning special effects. This has earned them accolades among bad movie awards.

Uwe Boll excels at making bad films out of reasonable (they made them into a game anyway) plots, and sophisticated special effects to add nothing to his stories. He is unlikely to win accolades for this, and will hopefully languish in his own mediocrity until we forget about him.
dhelor's Avatar
dhelor at 03/05/2008 02:11
Awww, that's just precious how he thinks anything that he makes could have a chance against Steven effing Spielburg. :D Just precious.
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