You might remember that on Monday, Jim gleefully reported on the fact that the scourge of game-based film and bringer of the bleeding eyeballs Uwe Boll is failing dismally to sell a role in his new cinematic hate-crime, Far Cry.
While this widespread apathy to Boll's generous act of fan outreach / cynical marketing ploy / desperate and miserable attempt to make money / whatever the hell his diseased mind thinks it is is of course hilarious, things have been made a bit more complicated by the current response from Screw Attack. It seems they actually want to give him the cash...
You see they've decided to "subvert" the whole fiasco by asking their readers for donations, in a bid to collect together the 2498 Euros ($3352) required to secure the part. The plan is to offer Boll the full asking price and then send someone from their camp over to the set. What happens then is unclear. Some manner of mockery is planned, presumably, and Screw Attack have said that if things don't go to plan, the funds will be used to buy some big competition prizes for their readers. Fair enough.
The only thing is, isn't this giving Boll exactly what he wants? The man is nothing but a talentless chancer, skating through the film industry on IP licenses, tax breaks and whorish publicity drives, while geniunely talented film makers struggle to get noticed. While it might be funny to turn up on set and point at him and giggle for a bit, he'll be the one walking away with three grand in his back pocket and a downpayment on the next IP he wants to ravage for the furthering of his career.
We're talking about a man who's freely admitted that his films don't have to make money to make him a profit before, and someone who's used critic and fan hatred for free publicity his whole career. Apathy is the best way to quieten people like this, and his auction being ignored was the best thing that could have happened. People like this don't go away because you rise to them. They go away because you ignore them until they implode.
Of course, I'm fully aware that by even running this story I'm adding to the whole mess by a degree, but seriously, is $3352 in this man's pocket worth it to give him a bit more of the mockery he thrives on? Unless there's some assasination plan involved that I don't know about, I'm not going to be cracking out my wallet any time soon.
Maybe I'm taking this whole thing far too seriously, and should just be enjoying the tragic human sitcom that is Uwe Boll, but while the guy is clearly a moron on a film set, it seems he knows exactly what to do in terms of selling himself.
Contest:
9:39 PM on 05.31.2007
| 
Do they think they can sneak a giant phallic symbol onto the set and get it into the final product?
It seems that they haven't thought out the shole thing, through and through. Bowl's movies are an abomination to the very word "cinema."
Perhaps a washed up actor will get the bid and we can get a child-actor in the gig.
Being a long time Screwattack G1, I personally am excited for the outcome.
"Quieten"?
*grumble grumble kids 'n their grammar mumble mumble*
Oh, and I need to start using "tragic human sitcom" to describe people.
hey i'm sorry guys and this might be video game blasphemy but I actually feel bad for him. The only time i've heard talk of him outside of VG websites is a clip of him saying that he doesn't understand why the video game players hate him so much..
Now, honestly I've never seen any of his films, so maybe it's not my place to say, but I just straight up feel bad for this guy. If the dudes at screw attack wanna poke fun and pay him for this mental rape that he must endure... ok. He is obviously the laughing stock of both Hollywood (which I wouldn't feel bad about) and the video game universe; which I would feel like the hugest loser for, so giving him a few bucks really isn't much different than giving a dollar or two to the local homeless guy. They both are ashamed (hopefully) for begging for money and in return, we get our vengeance, in Boll's case, eternal mockery.
So let him go on with it. Yeah, he may be a terrible director, or producer, whatever the hell he is, but we all get a laugh at his expense. So, really, we're even steven.
just my thoughts... spent the night at the bar
The difference between Boll and the local homeless guy is Boll has made tons of money off his movies, thanks to loopholes in the German tax code. Even films that bomb at the box office make him and his investors a huge profit. The actors who work with him don't care, because to them it's just another job.
I have a soft spot for terrible film (I have quite a few Troma flicks on DVD), so I can actually enjoy Boll's movies for the pieces of trash that they are. The guy is smart, he knows exactly what he's doing.
thanks for the clarification. in that case... laughing at him comes a bit easier for me. would it be wrong to check out one of his films out of pure curiosity? i don't want to add to his mountain of blood money!
Why not? Renting or buying them used isn't going to make him any more money. :) I can honestly only speak for House of the Dead, I still haven't seen any of his other ones. It's so awful and the effects are so bad it's hilarious.
Bet you don't have ButtCrack
Know you have Terror Firmer
Whats your fav?
then that's definitely the one I wanna see.
House of the Dead. Sounds epic.
Of course I have Terror Firmer! No ButtCrack, my favorite is probably torn between Cannibal: The Musical or Surf Nazis Must Die. Tromeo and Juliet is great too.
Speaking of, why is it they only show the Killer condom movie now and completely stopped with all the troma on cinemax?
Oh, Tromeo and Juliet,definite fav, just hard to get friends to watch with me, kinda like EraserHead, people don't get it.
ACT V: "You'll find after you marry she'll become a docile little bovine"
That being said, Class of Nuke'm High and Rabid Grannies are not to be forgotten. And what of My Nieghbor Totoro? Yes, in the United States, it was a Troma Film.
But back to the point, $3,000 is enough to pay one production assistant to get Boll's coffee for ten days of the shoot. It's a drop in the bucket to a film production, and in and of itself it will not help Boll.
What might help him is turning the tables on the Screw Attack guys like he did his critics in the now famous "Director vs Detractors" boxing matches.
After taking their money, Boll may just personally try to poop on them, stack them Guantanamo Bay style, film the whole thing, fire them, then not even use the footage in the movie.
He's the director. He will screw with them more then they will screw with him.
Good Advice.
qui·et·en / ˈkwaɪɪtn / Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled
Pronunciation[kwahy-i-tn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA
Pronunciation Chiefly British
–verb (used without object)
1. to become quiet (often fol. by down).
–verb (used with object)
2. to make quiet.
It are a wordz. You had me going for a sec though. It was about 3am when I wrote this, and when I read your comment I wasn't entirely convinced I hadn't made it up. Thanks for keeping me on my toes though.
I mean, look at The Hulk. They are making another Hulk movie with the mind that the first one was never done. It's balls-y for sure, but more importantly it is true and correct to do so.
I am going to call all my friends and family and ask them to each give me a couple bucks so I can buy an Xbox 360 Elite (which they can play when they come over, or at least watch a video of me playing on my website). If the store doesn't have any, then I will promise to give the money back to them after they win a series of contests. How could they say no?
Whatever whacky shenanigans you crazy kids have cooked up will play second fiddle to all the headlines reading "Thousands of gamers and Screw Attack join forces to pay Uwe Boll for a role in his latest film". Not only will I not help you do that, but I will consider you just as bad as he is. It's all jokes and playtime until Uwe Boll finally gets a hold of a series people actually care about, which you will be helping him do. Good job.
Yet, like trolls and good old Jackie boy, nobody seems to heed this warning.
Personally, i smilled and was made happy seeing this, but think about it like this; if someone said they've give you $3000 for someone to make you life hell for a week, you'd probably go for it, because that's more than you'd earn in a month. We're not the only ones who are winning out of this.
He's hands-down the worst film-maker in the history of the industry, and while his rape-mining of our favorite hobby has been limited to some pretty low-key games thus far (with the possible exception of Alone in the Dark...), letting him continue on in this manner will inevitably lead to him getting his fool hands on the license to a game we care about, and that's just not an opportunity that any self-respecting gamer should be comfortable with letting him have.
I say we cut the dude off at the knees, before this shit gets out of hand.
The difference is intent. The vast majority of Troma flicks are made by depraved people who love making movies. They know full well they won't become rich doing what they do, but they want their demented vision on film. Boll is in this to make bucketloads of quick cash.
Mxy, you are correct sir and get a gold star. Additionally Troma isn't out anally raping someone else's IP.
The person to go after is NOT boll, he doesn't CARE what you or I think.
The person to go after are the companies that allow him to take the IP of our beloved games and do this to him. Boll knows he's a dick and he doesn't care. We should be asking Ubisoft why the fuck they sold him a license to do anything, including exist, much less do this to Far Cry. We should be sending angry letters to Ubisoft, not Boll, we should be getting their attention. Uwe doesn't need any more attention.