Somebody stop him, please. I don't want to kill him, just take out a part of the brain that makes directing movies impossible or something. If Bloodrayne 3: Warhammer, a movie based on a videogame that wasn't ever made, gets made as Uwe Boll wants to I will hold each and every person who reads this post responsible because you didn't stop him.
What is wrong with the world that this man keeps on being allowed to make movies? The man made Kirstanna Loken in skimpy clothing unwatchable. Do you know how immensely impossible that is to do simply with bad directing? And yet he did it! Her return in this third film brings me no joy as I know that he will once again turn something beautiful into the film equivalent of burning in hell for five thousand years.
We've had plenty of Boll rants here (some from the man himself), so I'm going to stop now. Just make it go away, for the love of everything holy, make it stop.
Matthew Razak is Destructoid's Associate editor and co-founder of film site
Flixist. He began as community member "cowzilla" and was since sequestered to write brainy features material. He lives in Los Angeles with his beautiful wife.
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Contest:
1:00 AM on 11.23.2009
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Seriously we can have this over with in less than 48 hours.
(Just kidding... Maybe.)
oh and I liked in the name of the king and both alone in the darks as well
How about no more bad movies? That'd be a start.
Also.. what console did Bloodrayne 3 come out on again? I forget. Guess I missed its release.
it is actually explained by the Nostalgia Critic that he gets money because of a loop hole in Germany in which you can make a ton of cash even if your movie sucked balls. Uwe already knows they will suck, but does them for the cash.
Didn't Germany close that loophole a few years ago?
I'm totally fine with picketing Michael Bay. Let's do it.
"Don't like it don't play it" applies to all forms of entertainment, btw.
Yes, but only because Im not German.
Bloodrayne was the shit. A badass hot chick version of Blade kicking ass in WW2 against NAZIS!?!?!?!? What's not to love? Boll ruined my hopes of a movie being made about a hot babe vampire kicking nazi ass. I had to watch the trainwreck that was Bloodrayne the movie so I could watch Meatloaf and shake my head while BEN "I WAS MOTHERFUCKING GHANDI" KINGSLEY collected his paycheck. Michael Madsen. Oh and Christanna Loken was like "i was just in Terminator 3, im famous" well, we saw what good going from T3 to Bloodrayne did for her. Anyone heard of her since? Also, angry rant. :(
I love Bloodrayne and I love Uwe Boll. Neither of these things are connected however.
Also, I fear this will only remind me that we will never get a third Bloodrayne.
I know why people hate Boll and all but I find his films lovably cheesy. The only people I know personally who really hate Boll are those "Bad video game movies make video games look bad" nutcases.
I do wish Boll would make an original film and stop stealing from games and then raping their original premise. I guess originality is beyond his capabilities.
Postal was the shit, and I also kind of liked Tunnel Rats, which is a pretty brutal movie as well. The Dungeon Siege movie and Alone in the Dark were both pretty boring though.
I never really understand why people get all emotional about his stuff, he's just a b-movie director, and he's actually got a pretty bad-ass attitude.
(subtitles: Do not want!)
I don't want to kill him, just take out a part of the brain that makes directing movies impossible or something.
You mean, you reckon he has that part of the brain?
NO!
Why does people even watch his movies so that he gets funding for new ones?
Can people stop saying that? Like seriously? It's fucking annoying.
BloodRayne was based on a game that didn't exist. So was BloodRayne two. I'm kpretty sure that, when I played BloodRayne 2, Rayne wasn't fighting cowboys in the West.
I know Razak isn't the only person to make that [stupid] joke, but that's exactly why it's annoying. You would think that, getting paid for what they do, common sense would hit these writers and they'd realize that video game movies rarely follow the chronology of the series they're based on.
A list of movies that were based on "games that were never made":
Silent Hill
Resident Evil
Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Resident Evil: Extinction
Resident Evil: Afterlife
Mortal Kombat
Mortal Kombat 2
Doom
Final Fantasy: the Spirits Within
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Hell, I could keep goin, but do you see what I'm getting at? None of the actual material in those movies matches with any of the games in the series they're based on. The title doesn't mean shit. What if BloodRayne 3 is based in WWII? Then it'll be based on the first BloodRayne AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING JOKE WILL MAKE EVEN LESS SENSE THAN IT DOES NOW.
THERE'S NOTHING THERE, WE'VE LOOKED.