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Nov 13 // Earnest Cavalli

CoD4 FUBAR on Valve's service, gamers Steamed (I can't believe I typed that)

For those of you old enough to recall Half-Life 2's original release, you'll remember how Steam -- Valve's downloadable content system -- absolutely ruined the entire thing for many thousands of people for almost a month afte...
Nov 12 // Earnest Cavalli

Destructoid Review: Wordjong

Sometimes a game comes along that utterly blows your mind and leaves you on the side of the road holding your panties in one hand, and a crumpled $20 bill in the other. You know it's just a one night stand, but still you wait...
Nov 11 // Earnest Cavalli

Destructoid's games of the week for 11/11/2007: I love egg, hate kids edition!

After last night's drinking/Guitar-Heroing/Ground-Kontrolling escapades, I have absolutely no energy to entertain you people. So in my stead, I'm going to rely on those kindly Koreans to do it for me. After showing this video...
Nov 09 // Earnest Cavalli

Assassin's Creed launch trailer: white was the old black

That video? It's the Assassin's Creed launch trailer. Apparently this thing comes out rather soon.We're impressed by the subtle, understated tone they've been taking with this thing throughout the pre-release hype. There wa...
Nov 09 // Earnest Cavalli

Gaming periphery as filler: videogame look-alikes

Hollywood steals ideas constantly, authors have been lifting plotlines for millennia, and Glengarry Glen Ross was directly stolen from a dream I once I had via David Mamet's brain-draining dark magic. Since every other creati...
Nov 09 // Earnest Cavalli

Mass Effect metaporn: Strip clubs in the future will still be poorly lit

The above clip demonstrates Mass Effect's stunning slutty-aliens-designed-to-pander-to-teens rendering system. Then again, maybe we're being too cynical. After all, it would be unrealistic to think the future wouldn't also ...
Nov 08 // Earnest Cavalli

Destructoid Review: Virtua Fighter 5 Online

When Virtua Fighter 5 hit the PlayStation 3 earlier this year, everyone loved it. On a system lacking in quality software, it was hailed as the second coming of Christ (albeit, Christ with a wicked left hook and lightning fas...
Nov 07 // Earnest Cavalli

Forest Whitaker hawks Mountain Dew ... Lola dies tragically

Here at the offices we have an elaborate ticker tape system set up that feeds tips through a robotic assistant who then hands them off to us, assuming they're important enough. A few moments ago, the robotic assistant actuall...
Nov 07 // Earnest Cavalli

Chavez fears Mercenaries 2 as imperialist psyops ... somewhere, an eagle smiles

Even the most Bible-thumping arch-conservatives have by now realized that America is the 800lb gorilla in a global room filled with tiny, angry monkeys. In recent years our stars have developed particularly sharp edges and ou...
Nov 07 // Earnest Cavalli

Destructoid Review: Timeshift

Timeshift ...The name inspires thoughts of B-Movies starring Jean-Claude Van Damme as a futuristic police officer sent back in time to do the splits and pronounce words in a hilarious fashion. Hearing the game's premise (evil...
Nov 07 // Earnest Cavalli

Pac Gentleman: The 19th century sure had a lot of moustaches!

If there's anything Boing Boing likes better than liberalism bordering on anarchism, and futuristic, fictional stories that actually reveal deep truths about the current state of the human condition, it's steampunk anything, ...
Nov 06 // Earnest Cavalli

Boom Boom Rocket to support guitars, dance pads, Chris Kohler's assassination

News came in from 1up earlier regarding the XBLA downloadable rhythm title Boom Boom Rocket; apparently the game is getting an update adding support for the more traditional musical peripherals: dance pads and plastic guitars...
Nov 06 // Earnest Cavalli

Opoona: Crisis On Infinite Wiis

What happens when Koei starts listening to all the people who complain they've done nothing but rehash the Dynasty Warriors franchise ad nauseam for the last decade? Apparently they give us bizarro LEGO characters reenactin...
Nov 06 // Earnest Cavalli

Guitar Hero III DLC revealed: We gotta fight the powers that be

Thanks to the lads at Official Xbox Magazine we've got word of three upcoming packs of DLC for Guitar Hero III. The OXM kids make buckets of cash for doing this sort of thing, so let's let them tell it:Expect a Foo Fighters p...
Nov 05 // Earnest Cavalli

Chronos Twin: I just made you up to hurt myself (and those blocks over there)

Aerox -- using his pseudonym prevents me from making a clever reference to this game's duality allowing for a Dallas paradox in which J.R. shoots J.R. -- sent in a tip a wee bit ago revealing Cubed3's coverage of a little k...
Nov 05 // Earnest Cavalli

No Psychonauts or Grim Fandango sequel sez Schafer, crushing hopes and dreams

Tim Schafer, in a conversation with -- the Internet's answer to boring, highbrow pornography -- revealed that Grim Fandango and Psychonauts, while excellent games, will not be getting sequels. Here's a quote:"...
Nov 05 // Earnest Cavalli

Rockin' Stone: You can skip all your life, but not go anywhere

I don't think I have words to describe the majesty of the above footage. It comes from a cell phone game entitled Rockin' Stone and not since Cassavetes' The Killing Of A Chinese Bookie have I seen such a gleeful mineral fo...
Nov 05 // Earnest Cavalli

Unfinished SSF2HDTR art hits the 'net: double plus good?

Thanks to Tron Knotts' community blog, we're privy to a ton of art from the upcoming Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix that I'm assuming Capcom didn't want us to see yet. There's absolutely no way it has been finalized, ...
Nov 05 // Earnest Cavalli

Dungeon Siege film reaction: 'This movie blows. Hard. I mean extremely hard.'

Dungeon Siege, the game, revolved entirely around stabbing things and burning them with arcane magic. It was somehow less cerebral than the Diablo series, the finest games ever based around an experiment to determine how long...
Nov 05 // Earnest Cavalli

Time Crisis 4: FPS done terribly?

Time Crisis 4 looks pretty and has enough tiny robotic spiders to make people forget all about Runaway, but that clip up there worries us. Did you notice the bits where the game apparently becomes an FPS, and the trailer pain...
Nov 04 // Earnest Cavalli

Nintendo's draconian censorship: A look back at the pussyfication of the NES

In 1990 Lucasfilm Games (now Lucasarts) were the Blizzard of the hilarious adventure game subgenre. Everything they touched was gold, and sold like heroin in an orphanage. At the same time, the NES was the console of the era,...
Nov 04 // Earnest Cavalli

Destructoid's games of the week for 11/03/2007: News is sexy edition!

Normally this is the space where I get to say whatever random verbal ordure pops into my head to either giggles or confused shuffling, but today I want to highlight a recent news article that is easily more entertaining than ...
Nov 03 // Earnest Cavalli

ESRB clears PSP Manhunt 2, Rockstar dodges an unnecessarily violent bullet

Remember this? Jim "Bangers n' Mash" Sterling brought you the news of the not-so-shocking hack within the PSP version of Rockstar Games' interactive torture porn title Manhunt 2 recently, and it was assumed by almos...
Nov 03 // Earnest Cavalli

Final Fantasy Retrospective: a look back at the spooniest of bards

As you've probably gathered over the six months since Nick's last piece, today is a ridiculously slow day in the realm of gaming news. I've spent the entire day playing Virtua Fighter 5 Online and Guitar Hero III, and even ...
Nov 02 // Earnest Cavalli

Many new Devil May Cry 4 screens: Knuckles looks pissed

Hey kid! Wanna see something? C'mere! Yeah, just a lil' closer ...See that gallery down there? Next to that bag of candy? Yeah, those are brand new screens from Capcom's Devil May Cry 4, the yet to be released story of a mela...
Nov 02 // Earnest Cavalli

Podtoid 35: We do what we must because we can

I'm not going to lie to you guys: this episode is long. Between Linde and Chester's interview with the chap from Insomniac and Rev, Jim and I chatting for days about why Keita Takahashi ought to wear shoes, I wouldn't fault y...
Nov 01 // Earnest Cavalli

Podtoid 35: What does this mean for this headline?

Like a post-pubescent girl, we've once again reached that special time where blood starts spraying from our vaginas we must again record Podtoid. Topics of interest tonight include:Nex's apparent lack of knowledge on the subj...
Oct 31 // Earnest Cavalli

Rayman Raving Rabbids 2 site live: Fillerween is a glorious day!

Today is so slow that we bring you the stunning revelation that the website for the upcoming Rayman Raving Rabbids 2 is now live. At the site you can find pictures, your traditional Web 2.0-style intro and more of that bunny ...
Oct 31 // Earnest Cavalli

Trick-or-Treat Adventure Quest: George Lucas is spinning in his CGI grave

The guys behind like Halloween a lot. Actually, they love Halloween. Actually, actually, they've spent most of the last month hollowing out those vibrating ghosts, copulating with them while whispering swears an...
Oct 31 // Earnest Cavalli

CBS looks at the Manhunt 2 controversy, makes for excellent filler

Mainstream news wouldn't exist without fanning the flames of controversy, and you'd be hard-pressed to find a more adorable set of billows than Katie Couric. In the above clip, Ms. Kittenpuff Couric -- or, more specifically...

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