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Feb 25 // Earnest Cavalli

From Russia with pixels; the coolest picture you'll see today

[Updated with the 2005 and 2010 version! Remember Nex? This odd illustration still ranks amongst the most popular in the Destructoid Golden Archive; stories which I'm slowly restoring from our old publishing sy...
Dec 04 // Earnest Cavalli

Nex is leaving Destructoid: This is the end beautiful friend

All good things must come to an end and apparently that also applies to whatever it is that I do here.As you may have gleaned from the headline, this is my last post here at Destructoid. I've been offered a job with Wired, an...
Dec 02 // Earnest Cavalli

Two new No More Heroes clips (sponsored by TAMPAX Pearl)

The clips we've seen in the past from Suda51's No More Heroes have all been tiny snippets rife with hip surreality and stylized everything, but they haven't really shown us much of the game. The denizens of the 'net are hap...
Dec 02 // Earnest Cavalli

Destructoid's games of the week for 12/02/2007: Ulillillia edition!

"When you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back at you." -- Friedrich Nietzsche I want you all to watch that clip up there. Yes, all 8+ minutes of it. Done? Ok, that clip was the work of a man named...
Dec 01 // Earnest Cavalli

Fillerween 2007: Crescent Blue will make kids start reading again

Maybe it's the glee over playing in the snow all day like some kind of oversized, clumsy 6-year-old, maybe it's the cranberry and vodka cocktails I've been drinking, or maybe it's the fact that without overweight industry f...
Dec 01 // Earnest Cavalli

Little Miss Gamer: StarTropics: I TOO hate gender roles!

The Internet is too cynical.Sure, that's as ironic as my saying the Internet relies too heavily on obtuse references to the key figures of the second World War, but any of you disagreeing with me will only further prove m...
Nov 30 // Earnest Cavalli

Tekken 6 intro trailer: things were never this bad with the Jaguarador

Thanks to Gametrailers user andyelmo, we bring you the above: the arcade trailer for Namco's Tekken 6. Normally this is the point at which I'd gush about how excited I am to get another Tekken, but wow, that trailer was just...
Nov 29 // Earnest Cavalli

Rumor: Gamespot fires editor to appease Eidos: W.R. Hearst rolls in grave

Ladies and gentlemen, I would advise you to all to duck as there will almost certainly be a large amount of splatter coming from every fan near you as a result of the news I have to share.Primotech has a story up claiming ins...
Nov 29 // Earnest Cavalli

Three new PS3 TV spots: Sony's getting better about this sort of thing

Sony has a long, storied history with TV ads for this generation of gaming hardware. From the creepy to the annoying to the obviously-aimed-at-slow-children, they've been running the gamut of misfires in trying to promote t...
Nov 28 // Earnest Cavalli

Impressive study claims violent media worse than everything but smoking

Normally I'd be the first to point out the flaws in any scientific study purporting a real link between violent media and real-world violence, but this report on Yahoo News -- assuming it's accurate -- doesn't seem to have an...
Nov 28 // Earnest Cavalli

All Hands On Rock Band: Carrie Brownstein's Slate review

Sleater-Kinney is sort of an institution in my part of the world. See, they began in this tiny Northwest microculture and since then have gone on to the sort of bizarre limbo of indie groups where they're simultaneously unkno...
Nov 28 // Earnest Cavalli

Penny Arcade, IGN enter verbal kumite, provide idiotic filler for Ol' Nexy

There's nothing I like more than kinky sex in dangeous situations, like fellatio in a lion's cage or bondage play with jars of scorpions and firecrackers. Since that has nothing to do with this story though, let's assume I sa...
Nov 28 // Earnest Cavalli

Grand Theft Auto IV boxart revealed: All you white people look the same!

That clip up there is the just-released, brand-new, other-adjective-indicating-freshness reveal for the final boxart for Grand Theft Auto IV, the latest in Rockstar's series of controversial simulations based on the obvious...
Nov 27 // Earnest Cavalli

WGA members eye game writing as possible new gig, sadly

Those of you not living in the tremendous shadow of Harry Knowles may not be aware of this, but the Writers Guild of America -- the union containing almost every film and television writer in Hollywood -- is on strike. Since ...
Nov 26 // Earnest Cavalli

Deus Ex 3 debut trailer: this is what prostitution tastes like

The original Deus Ex is right at the top of my list of all-time favorite games. It occupies a spot sandwiched between Fallout 2 and the Age of Empires series, so saying I'm a fan of Warren Spector's baby is an understatemen...
Nov 26 // Earnest Cavalli

Breasts are awesome: uncut Need for Speed: ProStreet promo proves as much

Normally I'm really highbrow. I wear a smoking jacket at entirely inappropriate times, fill my pipe with the shredded remains of a Jane Eyre first edition and often refer to cars as "horseless cars." However, neithe...
Nov 26 // Earnest Cavalli

'GTA for girls' causes controversy, sky is blue, Piplup still adorable

In a completely unshocking turn of events, a game billed as the "Grand Theft Auto for girls" has pissed off people who we're all beginning to assume earn a living being outraged and screaming "Won't someone ple...
Nov 26 // Earnest Cavalli

Japan puts the 'rampant consumerism' back in Christmas with Pokemon decorations

Courtesy of Siliconera we bring you that picture above from (where else?) the Land of the Rising Sun.Yes, it's funny that Pokémon are so famous, and Piplup is adorable, but I think the real point here is how utterly ir...
Nov 25 // Earnest Cavalli

Destructoid's games of the week for 11/25/2007: Is this a cop out edition?

It's a video. Watch it.Why?First, because I'm utterly fascinated with both foreign girls AND spunky indie girls; Superbus lead Jennifer Ayache is the epitome of everything I love about women, and as soon as I'm done with th...
Nov 25 // Earnest Cavalli

As if gold farming couldn't get any worse, now it funds pederasty

As an amateur Internet historian and a professional whatever-I-do-here, most of my skills are completely underwhelming. As often as I tell women in bars that I'm really very hilarious (on the Internet), few seem to offer me i...
Nov 25 // Earnest Cavalli

SUBOTRON seeks electronic culture artists for Viennese salon, adoring groupies

Every once in a while, in between the e-mails demonstrating all the inventive ways in which women conceal their naughty bits behind gaming appliances, and pictures of Brian Crecente's head pasted on a centaur, we receive miss...
Nov 20 // Earnest Cavalli

Turok Achievements unveiled: they're promoting team-killing now?

After the jump you'll find the just-released list of Achievements for the Xbox 360 version of the upcoming blood, guts n' dinos FPS Turok. Normally this wouldn't even blip on our radar of actual, useful news but something abo...
Nov 20 // Earnest Cavalli

Halo novel becomes NYT best seller, just like my novel Jurassic Park

There's been a lot of petty sniping towards Halo from both the anti-Microsoft crowd and the contrarian, anti-mainstream crowd ever since the pre-release hype for Halo 3 began building up, but absolutely no one, regardless of ...
Nov 18 // Earnest Cavalli

Destructoid's games of the week for 11/18/2007: Mixed messages edition!

Guys, I'd love to spend an hour crafting a deep, engaging story about why my hair hurts this week, but honestly I'm too absorbed in Assassin's Creed to give this whole thing much thought. One of the true joys of a gig like th...
Nov 17 // Earnest Cavalli

New Soul Calibur: Legends trailer: Lloyd sold me cigarettes this morning

Aerox continues his streak as my favorite tipper for today by sending in a link to the above trailer. I've been following the progress of Soul Calibur: Legends for a while now, mostly as I think it's an interesting experime...
Nov 17 // Earnest Cavalli

Game Center CX: the coolest game I hadn't heard about until yesterday

Ever since it was revealed to me (yesterday), Game Center CX: Arino's Challenge has become my own personal video game equivalent of the Mo-dettes: absolutely no one's heard of it, it's amazing and bringing it up in casual con...
Nov 17 // Earnest Cavalli

EA loses nearly $200 million, begins ushering women and children to lifeboats

Earlier today (yesterday?) reader-cum-tipper Aerox sent us a link to this Associated Press piece discussing EA's second quarter earnings. Or, more specifically, EA's second quarter losses. It seems that the gaming behemoth lo...
Nov 15 // Earnest Cavalli

Live-action Assassin's Creed: They couldn't find a koala to play with?

Assassin's Creed has been a debacle for days now. Between the less-than-stellar response and the childish vagina worship surrounding its producer, one gets the feeling that Ubisoft would rather just forget about the game an...
Nov 15 // Earnest Cavalli

Destructoid Review: Call of Duty 4

The first two Call of Duty games were widely praised as the next step in the first-person shooter genre. They had bombastic action sequences, gripping storylines and enough Nazi-bashing to make George Patton squeal like a you...
Nov 14 // Earnest Cavalli

Gods of Zul'Aman trailer: Take THAT Joss Whedon!

That clip is the cinematic teaser for a just-released 10-person raid dungeon, Zul'Aman. Like previous dungeons sporting the "Zul" prefix, it's home to trolls and their pseudo-Rastafarian, tribal society. You see, w...

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