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Dec 15 // Farktoid

Fun with ads

Recently while visiting Another Site, some fool had put up a link to These Clio Award Winning Ads for 42 Below vodka or something. I'm assuming vodka because there's a million cute little ones but I still buy the cheap 10 do...
Dec 13 // Farktoid

Burnout Demo and Altair's Syndrome

I just tooled around in the Burnout Paradise demo now out there on Xbox Live for about half an hour. Short version: it's boring. Longer version: There's lots of things in the world but they don't really amount to much. Sur...
Dec 11 // Farktoid

Ubisoft's QA should be ashamed

Hey guys, remember me? The guy who bitched and moaned about Assassin's Creed not having a proper producer? Well, it turns out I've been justified, because as a result of first-hand accounts, Assassin's Creed is BROKEN. Sha...
Dec 02 // Farktoid

So... Game of the Year then.

Okay, so at this point we've reached the end of the Really Good Games That Come Out This Year™ and now it's time to start nitpicking them to death so we can get that dreadful Game of the Year nonsense going. The Contenders: ...
Nov 20 // Farktoid

Take 2 and Jack Thompson: A conspiracy!

Everyone on the internets knows about Jack Thompson. Say what you want about him, the guy's the purest definition of the word crazy. Then there's Rockstar Games, a company famous for making games that are usually pretty g...
Nov 15 // Farktoid

Fry's Electronics can eat a dick.

I'm incredibly bipolar with Fry's Electronics. From one moment to the next, I either love them or hate them. Currently my hate-o-meter is spiked. It's gone to 11. I had to scrape an 11 in the side of the meter so it made ...
Oct 30 // Farktoid

Guitar Hero 3 has Axe commercials. I want Five Bucks Back.

I'm a little pissed. Okay, I'm always a little pissed, but now a little bit more. I like Guitar Hero. A lot. I've played it consistently since it first arrived on the scene back in 2005. So I was, of course, gleeful wh...
Oct 28 // Farktoid

Demo Roundup: A couple diamonds in a sea of suck

If you're anything like me, and you probably are in that sense that you own a computer and read things that your monitor displays, you've either heard of or chomped down on one of the delicious morsels recently dropped into t...
Oct 18 // Farktoid

RF Online: A lesson on how not to make MMORPGs

I always wanted to see a viable, visual, indisputable display on how to NOT make an MMORPG. Luckily, RF Online just became free, and now I can finally see how this is done. I thought RF Online might be something to try out...
Oct 15 // Farktoid

Owned by Workman: My nuts hurt

Internet Drama! Okay, this needs to be re-iterated because I actually do care about this community and drop in several times a day to check out the latest news and whatnots going around here. So I tossed a backhanded commen...
Oct 14 // Farktoid

A word on Multiplayer FPS's

Horseshit. Now I will elaborate. Deathmatch sprang to life in 1993 with the advent of Doom. 4 dudes, each computer plugged into the other with the IPX protocol, shooting each other with BFGs. Fast Forward 15 years, and we ...
Oct 09 // Farktoid

Games you should play no matter how old you are

I'm old, folks. Not old in a get off my lawn old, but seriously stay off my lawn anyway. But I am old enough to remember when King's Quest 1 hit the scene, when Wolfenstein was being traded on floppies at Ham shows (my Dad'...
Oct 07 // Farktoid

Comparing Apples (Halo) to Oranges (skate)

I've come to the obvious and rather painful resolution that while the games I'm playing now have been published by Microsoft (evil empire A) and EA (evil empire B), I have to come to the decision much like I'm sure our next p...
Oct 05 // Farktoid

Tim Buckley is an unfunny, self-righteous asshat.

Any gamer worth his Refined Deeprock Salt has probably stumbled upon Ctrl-Alt-Delete the comic at some point in their jaunty, I-don't-want-to-work-so-I'll-read-webcomics lives, and I have been checking up on this comic fairly...
Oct 01 // Farktoid

Silent Hill 5 will be face-palming awful.

I'm not guessing this. I'm knowing this. Silent Hill, as good as it's been in the past, is going to turn into a painful, boring pile of hog vomit in its 5th iteration that will garner IGN's lowest possible score: 6.8. You ...
Sep 26 // Farktoid

Time Travel with booze and a PSA

Look, I drink... a lot. Some say too much. I say not enough. My room has more Tallboys of 211 than a Liquor store in Oakland. Doesn't bother me none. My liver keeps leaving me messages on my Wii about how it's going to c...
Sep 22 // Farktoid

How do you children even get on Xbox Live?

I'm confused, Dtoiders. Confused and irritated. And drunk. But mostly irritated. Every time someone brings up Xbox Live, they pretty much automatically take a hearty swing at the dickholes on there who yell racist comme...
Sep 15 // Farktoid

EA's Deadspace guy and Big Daddy related?

So I guess EA has taken up the task of creating its own Survival Horror game by the name of Dead Space. But according to the cover of this month's Game Informer, they may have been keeping track of some other popular games o...
Sep 14 // Farktoid

Sony Defense Force is the funniest website evar.

You can keep your Farks and Somethingawfuls and 4Chans. Sony Defense Force will make you laugh your balls off with every post. Like everyone else who winces at this site, I can't tell if this thing is satire or just the dis...
Sep 13 // Farktoid

Shameless Self-Promotion: Devs look here

Who knows if I should be doing this, but since I'm looking for a 3D art position in the game industry, and I know that developers come through here once in a while, I thought I might toss my website up in the air and maybe someone will catch it. http://www.magic-chainsaw.com/ It's young, but it's growing. Comments, of course, are welcome.
Sep 10 // Farktoid

Shoot 'em Up is the best Videogame movie ever.

Clive Owen will kill you and everyone you've ever loved just by looking at them. And Paul Giamatti makes fat guys cool. I am talking, of course, about Shoot 'em Up, a movie that came out over the last weekend and pretty muc...
Sep 08 // Farktoid

A Demand for the Simpsons Arcade Game

Can't you hear me yella? STELLA! This is an open request, nay, a DEMAND for the classic Simpsons Arcade game to appear on Xbox Live and Wii VC. I know the licensing on this bad boy would be a doozy, but COME ON. I can thi...
Aug 30 // Farktoid

I'm'a Chargin My Lawyah!: Phoenix Wright 3

I have a hetero man-crush on Phoenix Wright. If you monkeys haven't tried any of the three Phoenix Wright games released on DS in the US, you really need to do yourselves a huge favor and pick them up. All both of them, I...
Aug 27 // Farktoid

XBL Rules of Enragement

I have a gold subscription to Xbox Live. However, I don't play any games online. These are the reasons why; these also serve as rules for when you play online against anybody, in any game, anywhere. Rule 1: Telling someone ...
Aug 26 // Farktoid

Bioshock vs. Madden: A Retrospective

The Xbox 360 has finally come in on its own now, with fine titles everyone can enjoy from Viva Pinata to Rumble Roses XX. But I think the most important titles that truly define the console have finally arrived. Irrational'...
Aug 25 // Farktoid

skate demo: turn off Bioshock for 30 minutes and try it

Dudes. I think maybe I should get punched in the jaw for playing Tony Hawk for so long. Them's is good games, mind ya, but I fear EA has gotten its greedy little hands into another IP and has nailed a Christ Air. I reckon ...
Aug 21 // Farktoid

Gamespot + Bioshock = Fail

What has crawled up Gamespot's collective ass for them to continually give games lower ratings? Today of course I'm talking about their 9.0 rating for Bioshock, which is still insanely high for their rating system, but is no...
Aug 16 // Farktoid

Bioshock and Objectivism: Philosophy with Plasmids

**Warning: Possible Spoilers. This is my understanding of the world of Rapture from what I've seen and read. If you haven't played the demo, there are a few solid spoilers.** I doubt anyone was made to read Ayn Rand's Atla...
Aug 10 // Farktoid

Soulcalibur 4 Bonus Characters

Remember Soul Calibur 2? That was a good game. I suck at it. Mostly because my best character is Zasalamel and that cat didn't even show up until Soul Calibur 3. My office performs regular Soul Calibur/Tekken 5 tournament...
Aug 04 // Farktoid

Videogames will never be Art

I figured it out. After many posts, and many adult beverages, I can understand where Roger Ebert is coming from. And it in no way has anything to do with the fact that he looks exactly like my dad. Videogames cannot be c...

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