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Jul 10 // Mike Martin

Better With Age: My D*ck

Since Nanners is a giant buttface, dickhole, cuntflap (just kidding boo), I had to change my idea for this month's.... Musing? BoB? You fucks have too many names for the same God damn things now days. So instead of writing a...
Jul 05 // Mike Martin

I Miss You

It’s been a year. Oh, what a year it has been my friend. So much darkness, so much light. I know, I’m a drama queen sometimes. Can’t help it. It’s not easy wrestling with all this, especially when I h...
Apr 30 // Glowbear

Destructoid is now a pile of stale shit to me

I’ve been fired, alongside possibly Stevil. but yet to be confirmed, from the staff section of Destructoid and Frontpage posting. I hope they don't get rid of him, he's so lovely and Welsh.   We were bot...
Apr 09 // Mike Martin

(NVGR) An AMA with Mike Martin/PhilKenSebben

Hello everyone. I was just down in my home and saw a complaint that struck a chord with me. It was one I had myself, back when my name was filled with 3's and my shitposting was at an all time high: The lack of staff in...
Mar 12 // Mike Martin

Friday Night Flicks! Phil's ode to the 80's

So like Frights, we would watch movies (duh). Only we watch movies only from the 80s and I'm shooting for action/adventure/comedy/etc. No horror flicks, as that is what Frights is for and I'm not about to get slapped wi...
Mar 03 // Mike Martin

9 Dtoiders I'd Like To F**k

How the fuck is someone like me supposed to sit down and pick nine of you to feature in a list like this? All the friendships I've made, those I've tried to help, those that have helped me.... man. As a longtime member ...
Feb 23 // Mike Martin

(NVGR) Cooking with Phil - First Edition

Welcome hungry readers. Listen to my stomach roar. Through a boombox. Look, I couldn't find a decent header and I just fucking winged it, ok? All the pictures are weird sized. I got lazy at the end. 2104 FUCKING WORDS A...
Feb 20 // Glowbear

Dtoid 9th Anniversary - Fuzzy List of Feels

Panzadolphin – Panza is just a lovely guy, who has listened to me talk nonsense, always had kind words to say to me and even better, has some pretty great retorts. But he’s a dirty slut so he should be good ...
Feb 20 // Nic Rowen

9 inspirational true life stories on this week's episode of Destructoid

The ninth year of Destructoid has dawned, and we've been asked to honor the nine Dtoiders who have inspired us. This is no easy task for me, Dtoid has been an inspiring presence in my life for more than half a deca...
Feb 13 // Glowbear

Destructoid Community SVU Group Watch Happening Now!

The Gamergate episode of Law and Order: SVU has aired but not all have watched and certainly not in the fine company of your giggly Dtoid comrades. Join us in the Skype group chat as we no doubt will laugh our tits off a...
Feb 02 // Mike Martin

Clan/Team/Group Roundup. & PC FNF Blogger Wanted

Short and to the point for this one. Leave a comment below with your clan/team/group or whatever, ID/Tag, so that I may add this to future FNF posts. Let's have a little roundup of everyone's groups and games (leave wha...
Feb 02 // Glowbear

FNFKinda - 11/12th Feb - Law and Order: Dtoid Speshul Victums

The Gamergate episode of Law and Order: SVU will air on Feb 11th. https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/98/fa/8c/98fa8c5aac1b0332f95be9e7eb603728.jpg I know that it might be tempting for a lot of people to watch thi...
Jan 29 // Mike Martin

Your new Community Playdate Manager is a twat.

See that guy? He's a cartoon character stupids. He was an avatar used by a guy known as PhilKenSebben around here. Phil is gone now. RIP you username chosen in a moment of great fucked upitude. I'm the asshole behind th...
Jan 28 // Glowbear

Badgers and Beavers eh?

There is only one forest animal and that is...the....GLOWBEAR!!   Shit about to get ghetto Animals of Farthing Wood up in h'ar!
Jan 27 // Glowbear

The Dangers of Being a Person who Plays Video Games

Cramps Let’s start this off bold and true. The ancient Greek for the word cramps, translates as "Oh lord this is how I am going to die, there is no hope. Amputate the leg". When you game, the main part of your bod...
Jan 22 // Glowbear

Stealth Purity and the Long Cheat

Some of us are not born to be stealthy, some of us revel in the gung-ho gameplay, whereby we see a plethora of cocky enemies ahead and we have seven weapons in our inventory and a handful of grenades and we know what we...
Dec 25 // Mike Martin

Merry F*cking Christmas You F*cks

I was out searching for that thing(Ha Ha Thingy!) and while out, I realized something: I am fucking amazing. Do you know how lucky you all are? Who else will make sweet, sweet love to you at anytime of the day? Who else...
Dec 23 // Mike Martin

The 2014 Philly Awards

Welcome to the first time, bi-sexual, annual, anal Philly awards. These awards are designed to showcase games this year that I gave a shit about or hated, or jerked off to/on. Disclaimer: I was definitely paid at some p...
Dec 17 // Glowbear

Threaks and the nice side of Gaming

Given that I am not employed by Destructoid, there should be no conflict in this particular piece. I am also not paid by or engage in lude acts with Threaks. Though I do engage in raunchy times with German beer.  T...
Nov 03 // Glowbear

FNF: Friday Night Frights - Propah Scary Innit

Well hello.We did Friday Night Frights last week and it was a really enjoyable experience. The film chosen was Creepshow (what a load of shit that was...with a surprising cast). This week we want to pick something that u...
Oct 06 // Nic Rowen

Harvesting the Wrenchfarm: I'm an official Dtoid writer now!

I'm not good at playing things cool or affecting an aloof persona. I can't hide what I like, or what embarrasses me, everything is always written plain as day all over my mug. True to form, I can't hide how excited, ove...
Oct 05 // Glowbear

Things you can say to ensure you look like a dick

Before the panties get twisted, I am not an advocate of either side of this gamer gate thing, but sometimes you gotta rant. "Check your privilidge"If you're white and male, automatically you are oveflowing in an abundanc...
Sep 28 // Glowbear

How Gamergate effects Elbows and Fanfic Consequences

It doesn't.....moving on! BEST ELBOWS IN VIDYJA GURMS! Donkey KongDK's elbow double as a shag. And by shag I don't mean what you think I mean, dirty birdies. His fluffy, carpet like fur covers all of his body, but excent...
Sep 27 // Nic Rowen

The metal kid stays in the picture: I've got dibs on Megaman!

Selecting a character in a fighting game is a very personal thing. There are so many factors to consider – from the aesthetic and personality of a character, the way your playstyle meshes with a character's moves,...
Sep 24 // Nic Rowen

My Favorite Game: Yo, screw your desert island

I don't think it's really possible to have a “favorite” favorite game, or at least it's not possible for me. I've never been able to answer any of those hypothetical questions where you have to choose one al...
Sep 21 // Glowbear

Awful Gaming Fanfiction

I thought it would be a good idea to start a series of readings based on terrible gaming fanfiction. The first bundle are depraved sexual nopeness and then we start getting it the flat out stupid, in terms of 'plot' and ...
Sep 09 // Nic Rowen

Steam Sale Reviews: Payday 2 The Shakedown

  is the quintessential Steam Sale game. Exactly the kind of blood diamond in the rough that makes Steam's bi-annual extravaganzas so exciting. When launched, I could definitely see the appeal and about bought i...
Sep 02 // Mike Martin

The Phil Files - 01: Games from under your radar.

So a friend suggested I do a c-blog featuring all the shit I play (Damn you Jinx!). So I said fuck it. I used to try to highlight all the obscure shit on our (now defunct) podcast, but that ain't coming back soon and I'm bore...
Aug 31 // Glowbear

Top Eye Merkins in the history of Video Games

Mama always told me "if you can't find a bear to marry and have to be a filthy inter-racialist, then at least get someone with a good set of eyebrows". I'm still searching Mama...so stop texting about it. People often assume...
Aug 30 // Glowbear

Top Chins in the history of Video Games

It's easy to find yourself in a catch-22 situation when embarking on the life changing road that is video gaming. One can be either too focused on minute details such as graphical intricacies or find themselves too complacent...

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