The United States Postal Service delivered a mysterious package to my door today, return address Forest Hill, London (with postage on the package stating it was sent from New York City). Concerned for my safety (everyone's a terrorist these days), I carefully opened the package to find the following:
A one-kilo brick of Nazi gold (heavy, but a replica), two stickers, and a letter in German.
Putting two and two together, this is obviously some sort of tie in with Replay Studios' stealth action title, Velvet Assassin. Last month, the devs accidentally slipped some info to me about a real life tie-in where gamers could find bars of Nazi gold outside of the game. Perhaps this is only the beginning?
Unfortunately, I don't read or speak a lick of German, so we need your help. In the gallery is a scan of the letter, which may offer some mores clues as to a) where we can find more Nazi gold or b) whether or not Ashley Simpson is or is not actually pregnant with that dude from Fall Out Boy's child. Some parts of the letter have been redacted, making this even more mysterious than the usual packages of gold bars we receive, so we appreciate your help in this matter.
Don't let us down, Destructoid community -- we're counting on you to come through!
[Update: Thanks to everyone who translated the article. It looks like a related ARG blog for Velvet Assassin has cropped up, and already has a few entries. It'll be interesting to see where this is going. Wherever it is headed, I'm glad it involves me getting gold in the mail.]
04/28/2008 16:27
now if only i spoke german
04/28/2008 16:28
I need your help. The people(?) are coming for me, (unreadable), I have given enclosed(?) a large sum of materials(?) that should make you want to help more. Don't let me down. What do you call a blind German soldier? A Nazi! But srsly, help. Also, Toy Story 2 was ok.
Sincerely,
Helen Kel--no
Anne Fr----wait
That chick from Velvet Assassi---nope
Violette
04/28/2008 16:33
That's awesome.
04/28/2008 16:37
04/28/2008 16:47
I have just read your report on the first stage of the Nibelungen project and have to congratulate you on your excellent layout. Sixteen tons! Nearly half a million US dollars. XXX reports, that the load has already been rerouted and divided, it's on it's way to the targets, where it will be the most helpful for our cause. Especially to XXX, XXX and XXX, where our informations say, that XXX will be on our side, once XXX is removed without the XX making a rukus. He says, that this will be the last step to destabilize the central region for the next ten years.
I had to laugh out loud while reading your report, how you transported the XXX through England. What a confusion at the airport! I think you caused more damage than the Luftwaffe. Naturally we will have to find a different route and system for the final stage of the Nibelungen. The whole situation is rather complicated now, and if you are right, the officials are suspecting something and therefore we can't rely on our british contacts anymore. XXX asked me to come to Europe and take matters into my own hands. On the other hand, I am certain, that our useful idiots in London can minimize the risk. I am authorised to inform you, that Wheat is in the area.
And since we are talking about that now, I went to the hospital last week to see XXX. It is kinda sad. He is getting more and more obsessed with Violette Summer and "her legacy" as he calls it and he insists, that it might kill us all. His room is littered with scrap of papers with letters and numbers, in the hope to decrypt her last messages. I have told him, that the thread of Violette Summer ceased to exist 65 years ago, that my father saw her die, but he won't calm himself down. I am afraid, that XXX might leave our world with his mind still shattered. It's very sad. All of us have pursuit this dream for a long time, but nobody worked harder towards it than him. Now it is so close, but he won't live to see it become reality.
My best wishes for Lili and the small Adolf. I will be able to see all of you, once I fly over to you.
XXX
04/28/2008 16:47
My dear XXXXX
I just read your report about the first step of the Nibelungproject and have to congratulate you to the excellent execution. Sixteen Tons! Nearly half a billion US Dollars. XXXX reports, that the cargo is already redirected, splitten up and on the way to the target locations, where it is most helpful to our matter. Especially in XXXX XXXX and XXXX where our sources say, that XXXX sympathizes with us, if XXXX gets disposed of, without the XXXX making trouble. He says, that this is the last step to destabilize the whole region for the next decade.
I had to laugh out loud from your description, how you transported the XXXX through England. What a chaos at the airport! I think you caused more damage than the german airforce. Of course we have to have to find another route through the system for the last step of the nibelungs. The whole situation is more complicated altogether now, and if you’re right, the authorities suspect something is going on, and we can’t use our british contacts anymore. XXXX asked me to come to Europe to take care of this thing myself. But on the other hand I’m sure, that our useful morons in London will minimize the risk. I’m authorized to tell you, that Wheat is in the region.
And because of that, I was in the hospital last week, to see after XXXX. It’s sad. He’s getting more and more mad after Violette Summer and “her hangover” like he calls it, and he insists, that he can destroy us all. His room is full of scrap of paper, full of letters and numbers, hoping to decrypt her last message at last. I told him, that the danger by Violette Summer disappeared 65 years ago; that my father saw her die, but he won’t let him being calmed down. I fear, that XXXX leaves us sometime and his mind is still shattered. Too bad. We all followed that dream for so long, and nobody worked more at it than him. No everything is so close, and he won’t live to see it all getting true.
My best regards to Lili and the little Adolf. I will see you all, when I fly over.
XXXX
04/28/2008 16:50
04/28/2008 16:50
Buenos Aires
19. April
Mein lieben *REDACTED*
ich habe soeben Deinen Bericht über die erste Stufe des Nibelungenprojekts gelesen und muß Dir zur exzellenten Ausfuhrung gratulieren. Sechzehn Tonnen! Fast eine halbe Milliarde US Dollar. *REDACTED* berichtet. daß die Ladung bereits umgeleitet, aufgeteilt und zu den Zielorten unterwegs ist wo es unserem Anliegen am hilfreichsten ist.
Vornehmlich in *REDACTED* *REDACTED* und *REDACTED* wo unsere Quellen sagen, daß *REDACTED* uns Wohi gesonnen sei, wenn —*REDACTED* entfernt wird ohne daß die *REDACTED* ein Aufheben macht. Er sagt, daß dies der letzte Schritt sei urn die gesamte zentrale Region für das nächste Jahrzehnt zu destabilisieren.
Ich mußte laut lachen bei Deiner Beschreibung, wie Du das *REDACTED* durch England transportiert hast. Welch em Durcheinander am Flughafen! Ich glaube Du hast mehr Schaden angerichtet als die Luftwaffe. Natürlich müssen wir für die letzte Stufe von Nibelungen eine andere Route und anderes System finden. Die ganze Situation ist jetzt insgesamt verzwickter, und falls Du richtig Iiegst, dann ahnen die Behörden, daß etwas im Busch ist und wir somit nicht mehr auf unsere britischen Kontakte zurück greifen können. [Redacted] hat mich gebeten nach Europa zu kommen urn die Sache selbst in die Hand zu nehmen. Andererseits bin ich mir sicher, daß unsere nützlichen Trottel in London das Risiko minimieren werden. Ich bin auch authorisiert Dir zu sagen, daß Wheat in der Gegend ist.
Und weil wir es gerade davon haben, ich war letzte Woche im Krankenhaus um *REDACTED* zu sehen. Es ist schon traurig. Er wird immer versessener mit Violette Summer und “Ihrer Altiast” wie er es nennt und besteht darauf, daß es uns alle vernichten kann. Sein Zimmer ist übersät mit Papierfetzen voller Buchstaben und Zahlen, in der Hoffnung doch noch ihre letzten Mitteilungen entschlüsseln zu können. Ich habe ihm erklärt, daß die Gefahr durch Violette Summer vor 65 Jahren erloschen ist; daß mein Vater sie hat sterben sehen, aber er will sich einfach nicht beruhigen lassen. Ich befürchte, daß *REDACTED* irgendwann von uns geht und sein Geist dann immer noch zerrüttet ist. Sehr schade. Wir alle haben diesen Traum so lange verfolgt und niemand hat mehr daran gearbeitet als er. Jetzt ist alles so nahe und er wird es nicht erleben sobald es verwirklicht ist.
Meine Grüße an Lili und den kleinen Adolf. Ich werde Euch alle sehen, wenn ich einfliege.
*REDACTED*
04/28/2008 16:55
04/28/2008 16:57
Violette Summer seems to be some mysterious weapon.
04/28/2008 16:58
--------------
Dear ___
I just read your report on the first phase of Project Nibelungen and have to congratulate you to your excellent execution. Nearly half a billion US Dollars. ___ reports that the cargo is already redirected, split and on its way to the destinations where it is the most helpful to our cause. Primarily in _____ ____ and ____ where our sources say that ____ will be friendly towards us if ____ is removed without the ___ reacting strongly. He says that this would be the last step to destabilize the whole central region for the next decade.
Your description how you transported the ___ through England had me laughing out loud. What a chaos at the airport! I think you caused more damage than the Luftwaffe. Of course for the last step of Nibelungen we have to find a different route and a different system. The whole situation is now more complicated, and if your assumptions are right the authorities are perceiving that something is happening and accordingly we can't use our british contacts anymore. ___ asked me to come to Europe to manage the case myself. On the other hand I am sure that our useful idiots in London will minimize the risk. I am also authorized to tell you that Wheat is in the area.
And by the way, I was at the hospital to see ___ last week. It really is sad. He is getting more and more bent on Violette Summer and "Her burden" how he calls it and he insists that it can destroy us all. His room is full of paper scraps with letters and numbers, in the hope to yet decode their last messages. I told him that the danger by Violette Summer ceased 65 years ago, that my father saw her die, but he simply won't be calmed. I fear that ___ will at one time go from us and his mind will then still be tortured. Very sad. We all followed this dream so long and nobody worked more for it than him. Now everything is so close and he will not live to see it done.
My greetings to Lili and the small Adolf. I will see you all when I fly in.
04/28/2008 17:00
04/28/2008 17:01
I have just read your report on the first phase of the Nibelungen* project and I must congratulate you on your excellent work. Sixteen tons! Almost half a billion US dollars. *Blacked out* has reported that the cargo has already been divided and reshipped and is on its way to those target destinations where it will be most useful to our cause. Primarily in *Blacked out* and *Blacked out* where our sources tell us that *Blacked out* are favorable towards us and won't start a row when *Blacked out* are removed. He says it will be the last step towards destabilizing the entire central region for the next decade.
I had to laugh out loud at your description on how you transported *Blacked out* through England. What a chaos at the airport! I think you have caused more damage than the Luftwaffe (Editor's note: German Airforce) Of course, for the last phase of Nibelungen*, we must find a different route and method. The whole situation is a bit trickier now, and if you are correct then the authorities are aware that something is stirring in the bushes and we won't be able to rely on our British contact. *Blacked out* has asked me to come to Europe to take matters into my own hands. On the other hand, I am sure that those idiots in London will minimize all risks for us. I have also been authorized to tell you that “Wheat” is in the same region.
And while we are talking about it, I was at the hospital last week to see *Blacked out*. It's pretty sad. He is becoming increasingly more obsessed with Violette Summer and as he calls it “her old burden,” and how it could possibly destroy us all. His room is littered with bits of paper full of cryptic numbers and letters in an effort to decipher her last message. I told him that the threat of Violette Summer was extinguished 65 years ago and that my father saw her die himself, but he simply won't calm down. I am afraid that *Blacked out* will soon part from us, but that his soul will still be in shambles. What a pity. We have all pursued this dream for so long, and no one worked harder on it than him. Now everything is so close but he won't be around the whiteness its conclusion.
Please extend my greetings to Lili and little Adolf. I will see you all when I arrive.
*Blacked out*
Editor's Note:
* “Der Ring des Nibelungen” (The Ring of the Nibelung) is a German opera piece by Wagner. The plot revolves around a magic ring that grants the power to rule the world, forged by the Nibelung dwarf Alberich from gold stolen from the river Rhine. So there is definetly a connection between the project's code name and the Nazi gold.
04/28/2008 17:04
04/28/2008 17:06
First they made Nick Chester the main character in that crappy Vegas game, and now Nazi gold.
It has sound! 11/10!
04/28/2008 17:08
Cheers to Replay Studios for creating this cool package for you.
04/28/2008 17:08
My dear ***,
I recently read your report about the first stage of the Nibelungen project and have to congratulate you on the excellent execution. Sixteen tons! Nearly half a million US Dollars. *** reported that the shipment already has been redirected, split up and on its way to the destinations where it is most useful to our concern. Especially in ***, *** and *** where our sources say that *** would be well-disposed to us if *** got removed without the *** making much fuss. He says that would be the last step to destabilize the whole central region for the next decade.
I had to LOL reading your description how you transported the *** through England. What a chaos at the airport! I think you did more harm than the Luftwaffe. Of course for the last stage of Nibelungen we have to find a different route and a different system. The whole situation is more complicated now, and if you are right then the authorities suspect that something is going on and that we therefore can't resort to our british contacts. *** asked me to come to Europe and take care of the matter myself. On the other side I'm sure that our useful morons in London will minimize the risk. I'm also autorized to tell you that Wheat is in the area.
And while we're at it, I was in hospital last week visiting ***. It's sad, actually. He becomes more and more obsessed with Violette Summer and "her legacy" as he calls it and instists on the fact that it can destroy us all. His room is littered with pieces of paper full with letters and numbers, still hoping to decipher her last messages. I explained to him that the danger of Violette Summer has vanished 65 years ago; that my father had seen her dying, but he just doesn't want to be calmed down. I fear that *** will depart someday and his spirit still will be torn. Very sad. We all have pursued this dream so long and nobody has worked more on it than him. Now everything is so near and he won't experience it when it is achieved.
My greetings to Lili and the little Adolf. I'll see you all when I'm flying in.
04/28/2008 17:16
Dear XXX
I´ve just read your report about the first stage of the Niebelungen-Project and want to congratulate you on your outstanding Performance. 16.000 kg! Almost half a billion US Dollars.
YYY reports, that the cargo is already redirected, sperated and on the way to it´s destination. These destinations are those most benifial for (to?) our concern.
Primarly to XXX, XXX and XXX, where we assume that XXX will be well-disposed towards us, if XXX will be eliminated and the XXX keep they´re mouth shut.
He says, that this is is the final step to destabilize the zentral Region for the next decade.
You´re story about you transporting the XXX through (?) England was very funny. What a chaos at the airport! I think you caused more damage than the Luftwaffe. Of course we have to find a different route and system for last step(?) of Niebelungen. The situation has become more complex and, if you are right, the authoritys know we are on to something, and therefore we can not use our british contacts anymore.
XXX has asked me to come to europe and handle the problem, but I´m pretty sure our usefull idiots in London will minimize the risk. I´m authorized to tell you, that Wheat will be around.
I´ve been at the hospital last to see XXX. It´s sad. He´s becoming more and more obsessed about Violet Summer and "her legacy", as he calls it, and he insists that this "Legacy" may kill us all. His room is full of scraps of paper with numbers written on them. He´s hoping to decipher her last message.
I´ve told him that Violet is dead, that my father saw her die 65 years ago, but he won´t listen. I´m afraid XXX will die and his soul won´t find peace. It´s sad. We all have lived this dream for so long and nobody worked harder than he did. Now the conclusion is soo close and he won´t be theer to witness it.
Greeting to Lilly and little Adolf. I´m going to see all of you when I´m coming home.
04/28/2008 17:22
04/28/2008 17:28
04/28/2008 17:29
04/28/2008 17:32
Dear ***,
I just read your report about the first step of the "Nibelungen" project and have to congratulate you to your excellent accomplishments. Sixteen tons! Almost half a billion US dollars. *** reports that the cargo has been redirected, splitted and is now on it's way to it's target locations where it will be most useful to our goals. Mostly in
***, *** and *** where our sources tell us that *** is sympathetic to us if *** will be removed without *** making problems. He says this will be the last step to destabilise the whole central region for the next decade.
I had to laugh out loud while reading your description about how you transported the *** through England. Some chaos at the airport! I think you have done more damage than the "Luftwaffe". Of course we have to find another route and system for the last step of "Nibelungen". The whole situation has become more complicated, and if you are right, the authorities know that something is fishy and we can not use our british contacts anymore. *** asked me to come to Europe to take matters in my own hands. Then again I'm sure that our useful puppets (literally: fools) in London will minimize the risk. I'm also authorized to tell you that "Wheat" is in the region.
And because we just have this <-- (weird sentence; literally translated)I was at the hospital last week to visit ***. It is sad. He is getting more and more obsessed with Violette Summer and her "legacy", how he calls it, and that it can destroy us all. His room is littered with scraps of paper full of letters and numbers, hoping he can decode her last messages. I have told him that the threat, that Violette Summers has been, was extinguished 65 years ago; that my father has seen her die; but he won't calm down. I fear that someday *** will leave us, his mind still in chaos. Sad story. We have followed this dream for so long, and nobody has worked harder in accomplishing it than him. Now the goal is near and he won't see it when the dream is realized.
Give my regards to Lili and little Adolf. I will see you when I fly over to you.
***
Sorry if this translation is not 100% correct, it's late in Germany!
04/28/2008 17:41
On Topic: I would love to touch your monkey.
04/28/2008 17:44
04/28/2008 17:47
04/28/2008 17:48
04/28/2008 17:50
Yeah, I think this is a cool idea. Check the update to the story for a link to a related blog. There's even a creepy YouTube video to watch.
04/28/2008 17:51
04/28/2008 17:52
04/28/2008 18:44
I AM A NUN
WHORE
NUN
WHORE
NUN
WHORENUN
04/28/2008 18:45
04/28/2008 19:00
04/28/2008 19:03
04/28/2008 19:16
isn't that from FF7?
04/28/2008 19:34
04/28/2008 19:51
04/28/2008 21:51
*SPOILER* the patriots are actually nazis
04/29/2008 02:31
04/29/2008 02:46
04/29/2008 09:40
Valuable ___
But read the report during the first phase of the project and the good nibelungen Congratulations. Nearly half billion dollars. ___ Cargo has been redirected to the report, shares the most destinations on the road to our cause in May Help. _____ ____ ____ ____ Main sources say, we are friendly, where contact is removed ___ ____ will be a strong reaction. According to him, this is the last step to destabilize the entire central region for the next 10 years.
How it carried the ___, through England in your description I laughing with yell it was. What a chaos at the airport! German cause more damage than you expect the Air Force. Of course nibelungen a last step, you must find another route to a different system. The whole situation is more complex, and the assumption is correct, according to authorities, we sense something is happening and we can not use your contacts in the UK. ___ Europe has asked to come and manage their own case. On the other hand, I'm stupid, you can find it in London to help to minimize risk. I will also convey to the wheat is approved.
By the way, I ___ week visit to the hospital, please see the Last. I'm really looking sad. He is a big summer and other Violet, and bends "with her heavy load," he claimed his first call to destroy it. His room is full of letters and numbers on scraps of paper, yet decoded, is expected to be Last message. I told him about the danger that the summer of 1965 before the cessation of Violet, she is my father will die, but he calmed. ___ I fear that once the questions from his mind to go and then torture. Very sad. We all realize that after this dream for so long, no other work. Now close all live to see, so he is not the difference.
MAIRIRI and greeted a small Adolph. I was all about when I fly.
(There are some good variations on the last sentence:)
Thank you and tell Lily RITORUADORUFU. I have to see when they fly over me.
Give me the greetings and small Adolf Lili. I will see you, when I flew over to you.
Lili and my greeting to small Adolf. I meet when I fly, entirely.
04/29/2008 10:43
Return to Castle Wolfenstein II!!!11
Yesssssssss!
04/29/2008 11:23
04/29/2008 11:37
04/30/2008 10:28