Got news?   tips@destructoid.com  |  Never miss a story:   RSS + Twitter + YouTube
Hey! New here? Destructoid is a gaming discussion community, updated nearly every 20 minutes. Make a quick avatar to comment and enter our contests. Take the tour!

 


Home Also cocks updates

Touch My Warp Whistle? Twisted advert on Craigslist is ... wow

5:23 PM on 07.05.2008, Jim Sterling 123 comments

Touch My Warp Whistle? Twisted advert on Craigslist is ... wow photo
     Also cocks

"Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it?"

That's not exactly the kind of phrase one would expect to read on a Saturday night, but if you're perusing Craigslist, then you might just stumble across this cheeky invitation to play Mario Bros. in a hotel room while someone has anal sex with you. I'm assuming (and hoping) it's a joke, but it's still pretty mind blowing regardless. Here's a little excerpt for you to be getting on with:

I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.

Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.

You can read the full advert after the jump, although I warn you that if you don't love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintento System while getting tagged from behind, you might be just a teensy bit offended. Personally I've already put in my application. 

["Thanks" to NeoGAF]

Touch My Warp Whistle - m4w - 28 (St. Louis)
Reply to: pers-742103427@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-03, 8:46PM CDT


Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.

You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.

I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.

Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "IT HURTS" no other conversation is allowed.

When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop"

If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.

I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together. Will consider SMB 3 and if you are really nasty we can try SMB2.

Next page: More Also cocks stories




Yuphrum's Avatar
Yuphrum at 07/05/2008 17:26
How the hell did you find this?
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 07/05/2008 17:26
SMB2? Man, that guy is kinky!
RitualNet's Avatar
RitualNet at 07/05/2008 17:26
Seriously that is very... weird. I could almost imagine someone writing it in the sense of "when you put on the cat outfit, and tinkle the bell I will turn off the bathroom light and come in", but... Mario? Who the hell gets off to Mario?!
junglistgamer's Avatar
junglistgamer at 07/05/2008 17:27
hmmm, not suprising really. Retro games already make me feel like someone's doing something terrible to my ass so i can understand it's not a huge leap from feeling molested by a game to being molested whilst playing one.
Electro Lemon's Avatar
Electro Lemon at 07/05/2008 17:27
S & MB.
XivGNP's Avatar
XivGNP at 07/05/2008 17:28
"When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks."

I cried laughing for a good minute at that. I don't even want to know what this guy wants to do with SMB2.
Yuphrum's Avatar
Yuphrum at 07/05/2008 17:28
Also I think you have to be a woman to apply to this Jim
EternalDeathSlayer's Avatar
EternalDeathSlayer at 07/05/2008 17:28
"Will consider SMB 3 and if you are really nasty we can try SMB2."

lol
STUVNING's Avatar
STUVNING at 07/05/2008 17:28
"and also orgasm" This needs to be on YTMND.
relik's Avatar
relik at 07/05/2008 17:29
Absolute magic right there! lol
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 07/05/2008 17:30
Yuphrum: That's never stopped me before.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 07/05/2008 17:30
@ STUVNING: If someone hasn't done a dramatic reading of this ad by next YTMND Thursday, I'll be shocked.
Vanilla Gorilla's Avatar
Vanilla Gorilla at 07/05/2008 17:30
Roooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooofles
razerangel's Avatar
razerangel at 07/05/2008 17:31
Rule 34 people!
Debeo Laurus's Avatar
Debeo Laurus at 07/05/2008 17:32
Ever wonder if somebody ever actually answered this ad in a purposeful manner? If theres dudes out their willing to advertise this crap, it makes you think is their a dudette out their to answer back?
CrocBox's Avatar
CrocBox at 07/05/2008 17:34
He is freakishly specific about the things that happen in-game @_@ like they said in IRC I hope a bunch of dudes answer :O
DynamicSheep's Avatar
DynamicSheep at 07/05/2008 17:37
"When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you."

I lol'd hard... wunwunwun = penetration
Bioautographical's Avatar
Bioautographical at 07/05/2008 17:37
Also Dugg.
Justin Villasenor's Avatar
Justin Villasenor at 07/05/2008 17:38
0_o
The-Excel's Avatar
The-Excel at 07/05/2008 17:42
I wonder if they'll consider a hacked ROM instead. Things can get really out of control with one of those.
Vitamin Awesome's Avatar
Vitamin Awesome at 07/05/2008 17:43
Uhhhh..... ಠ_ಠ
Electro Lemon's Avatar
Electro Lemon at 07/05/2008 17:45
Alexradl's Avatar
Alexradl at 07/05/2008 17:46
I really hope this guy wasn't serious.

roflol.
F Whipple's Avatar
F Whipple at 07/05/2008 17:46
haha...ewww
gideon's Avatar
gideon at 07/05/2008 17:46
This is completely inappropriate for this site - not to mention humorless and uninteresting. I enjoy the usual fun and irreverent look at the industry, but this is ridiculous.
Mushman's Avatar
Mushman at 07/05/2008 17:46
HOLY SHIT!!! I, what, I..........fuck it, and there will be desperate fat- ass omen who will most likely respond to this, really.
The Bez's Avatar
The Bez at 07/05/2008 17:47
o.O
What
The
Fuck
O.o
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 07/05/2008 17:49
gideon:

Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it?
Alexradl's Avatar
Alexradl at 07/05/2008 17:49
@gideon:

Have some fun, relax, it's the internet.
Bioautographical's Avatar
Bioautographical at 07/05/2008 17:50
@ Gideon

Perhaps you should respond. Maybe if you faced the TV with your butt towards the pillows, Super Mario Bro could wrench the stick out of it.
Scary Womanizing Pig Mask's Avatar
Scary Womanizing Pig Mask at 07/05/2008 17:51
ಠ_ಠ
power-glove's Avatar
power-glove at 07/05/2008 17:51
This picture, found in the Gaf thread fits all too well
yahtwice's Avatar
yahtwice at 07/05/2008 17:52
I wish I were a desperate fat ass woman. :(
lawlflip's Avatar
lawlflip at 07/05/2008 17:52
Hot.
Timmeh's Avatar
Timmeh at 07/05/2008 17:53
The Internet, man's greatest invention.
Dead Movie Star's Avatar
Dead Movie Star at 07/05/2008 17:53
I HAS A BONER
exiaox's Avatar
exiaox at 07/05/2008 17:54
AHH!!!

That was more perverted than... dare I say, 2G1C.

And I didn't even watch 2G1C. But I think eating/tasting crap would feel kinda... bad.

Ew.

Never. going. to. Craigslist.

EVER.
KamikazeTutor's Avatar
KamikazeTutor at 07/05/2008 17:54
"When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks."

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
B-Radicate's Avatar
B-Radicate at 07/05/2008 17:58
Maybe the dude's blind and that's why he "needs to hear the fireworks." That or the dude gets a mad erection when fireworks go off. Must have had a shit show yesterday, huh?

Also, at least it's not two dudes. Mario & Luigi may be a lil too much to handle. Too many handlebar mustaches.
KamikazeTutor's Avatar
KamikazeTutor at 07/05/2008 17:59
mmm, while the poster does talk about more than one hole, no mention of a female is done.
The poster is going to surprise how much of the internet people doesn't read everything.
Terribly surprised.
Oni's Avatar
Oni at 07/05/2008 17:59
This is the most epic thing I have read all hour. Thank you for bringing this to my attention!

The internet is over. Everybody go home.
junglistgamer's Avatar
junglistgamer at 07/05/2008 18:06
personally i can't even achieve an erection unless someone is playing tomb raider in the same room and makes lara do lots of climbing.

the grunting

oh yes
ArrestedDeveloper's Avatar
ArrestedDeveloper at 07/05/2008 18:08
I'd recognize Summa's syntax anywhere.
Itchy's Avatar
Itchy at 07/05/2008 18:08
Oni: "The internet is over. Everybody go home."

You'll say that again, and again, and again and again.

Also, this gave me a boner.
gideon's Avatar
gideon at 07/05/2008 18:09
@ Jim

HA! I can't say I'd enjoy that, sorry. All I meant to say is that I come here for news and insight into the gaming world and found this post decidedly incongruous to that. No offense to the site or its readers intended.
KamikazeTutor's Avatar
KamikazeTutor at 07/05/2008 18:10


gideon's Avatar
gideon at 07/05/2008 18:12
OK. Now THOSE pics are funny. HAHAHAH
Face's Avatar
Face at 07/05/2008 18:14
No spooning after? Dealbreaker.
prev next 50 comments

Returning Dtoiders: login now to post a comment

Destructoid is an open discussion community. You don't need to "audition" to post a comment - just Create an avatar now - it's fast and free: PLUS you also get your own gaming blog and begin posting stories and uploading videos in our open community area that may also appear on our home page. Sign up and we'll guide you through it, it's easy and 100% anonymous.




 Original Videos

 Reviews
Mad Dog McCree Gunslinger Pack
Overlord II
Yosumin Live!
Let's Tap
Ghostbusters: The Video Game (Wii)
View all Game Reviews

 Community blogs -   39720 Dtoiders!

This month's theme: Untapped Potential

New to Dtoid? Read the survival guide


 Originals

The best and worst '4th' videogames EVER!











more original Destructoid stories



 Popular now more













Destructoid is:
Nick Chester
Editor-in-Chief
Jim Sterling
Reviews Editor
Dale North
News Editor
Hamza Aziz
Community Manager
Anthony Burch
Features Editor
Rey Gutierrez
Video editor & director
Niero
Founder, publisher
Letters to the editors
tips@destructoid.com
Associate Editors
Ashley Davis Jonathan Holmes
Brad Nicholson Jonathan Ross
Brad Rice Jordan Devore
Chad Concelmo Matthew Razak
Colette Bennett Tom Fronczak
Conrad Zimmerman Topher Cantler
Dyson Samit Sarkar
Contributors
Adam Dork
Ben Perlee
Daniel Lingen
Joseph Leray
Joe Burling
Mikey
Will Maddock
Stella Wong




get involved

register or login
post a blog
post a forum
enter a contest
discuss a review
contribute a news tip
write a guest editorial
support

new member's guide
login assistance
tech support
report abuse
email our editors
read our dev blog
nuclear crisis?
keep in touch

RSS feed
Twitter
Facebook
Myspace
Flickr
Game nights
Meet-ups
seriously

about us
advertising
terms of use
privacy policy
jobs at MM
buy our crap
our network

Tomopop
Japanator




Destructoid is an independently-run publication forged by our love of video games and the gaming community's need of accountable enthusiast press
living the dream since March 16, 2006