hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts

Those about to die: Woodland Creatures

7:00 PM on 04.25.2009 // Zodiac Eclipse
  @ZodiacEclipse

[It's time for another Monthly Musing -- the monthly community blog theme that provides readers with a chance to get their articles and discussions printed on the frontpage. -- CTZ]   

As some of you have found out, I'm an MMO player. That's right, I buy a game so I can pay for the privilege of playing it every month. Now, this article isn't about MMO's or monthly fees, but since I'm currently hobbiting my way around Middle Earth, I've noticed a common trend in RPG's that pertains to this month's theme and I thought I'd share it with you all.

So for those of you who've never jumped on the MMO bandwagon, sit back, relax and allow me to take you through the epic journey you are missing out on. Those of you who have played MMO's are free to sit back and nod knowingly you've been there and done this more often then you'd like to admit. 

LOTR starts off in standard MMO fashion, with the creation of your character. After all, the world does in fact revolve around you, at least for now. Once you've made your Middle Earth self and selected an appropriate name that fits the world (Ilovewaffles) you are ready to set off on your adventure through perhaps one of the most acclaimed story worlds in all of fantasy literature.

Once you've blundered your way through the tutorial mission, vanquishing whatever minor villain the game lovingly placed in front of you and crippled so badly that you had no chance of losing, it's time for the real game to start.

As you take in your majestic surroundings you notice a nearby NPC with a glowing ring over their head. Ah ha! Quest giver! Now the game can really start. Now you can test your skills against the forces of Sauron's army, destroy the one ring, save the world, get lots of dwarven chicks, ect. This is your story to tell and by God you will do it justice.

I'm sorry, but your princess is in another castle

As you move your mouse over the NPC you take a deep breath, pausing in silent contemplation. Are you really ready for this? Can you really stand alone against the tides of swarming baddies that are surely sharpening their weapons and plotting your demise?

Yes, you decide, now its time to battle the dark forces and bring righteousness back to this world. You right-click the NPC and read your first non-tutorial quest.

Kill wolves.

Okay, not quite what you were expecting. Weren't there some bandits guarding the road nearby? Well, okay I guess even the mightiest warriors have to get their start somewhere. I've always been a fan of wolves and would prefer avoiding them over having to kill them, but you don't want to look like a sissy in front of the elves. So, you kill the wolves, loads of them in fact.

As you make your way back to the quest giver, coated in conspicuous amounts of blood and fur, you prepare yourself yet again for a quest truly worthy of Tolkien's epic story. Perhaps a little Nazgûl action?

Now there's a real monster.

Kill Boars.

Kill Bears.

Kill Spiders.

And so on. Now, to be fair there are occasional “Kill Bandits” quests peppered in as well, but these guys are small potatoes compared to the big picture, so what gives? If the quest givers are to be believed the animals are posing a serious threat to the towns and cities you are visiting. If their cuddly frolicking goes unchecked countless residents will suffer the consequences. Add in to this the fact that your paltry skill level leaves you unsuited for any true combat and you find yourself with little choice, but to take on the local animal population.

Nice puppy

Now in some RPG's they have the courtesy to create “monsters” for you to battle. Oddly deformed and unusual critters that you encounter on your travels. Sometimes there is no avoiding these monstrosities as you cannot see them until they have already sprung up to attack you and your party. While these random encounters can be tedious they also serve to build your animosity and desire to kill the beasts that continually attack you. They pose a real threat to you and anyone who ventures outside the city walls.

Kill it with fire!

What about the animals? In MMO's it's usually possible to avoid all, but the rabid and zombified variety by just walking around them or outrunning them as the need arises. They don't mean any harm, they just want to be fuzzy and lead unspectacular lives of animal mediocrity. Not only are they wholly unaware of your great quest to put an end to evil, they remain completely neutral on the subject. This, however, doesn't change the fact that not only will you kill them, you must kill them.

She's only protecting her cubs you heartless jerk.

If you take a PETA loving carebear approach, refusing to kill these helpless animals you won't be able to grind to a high enough level to be effective against real enemies. If you skip on all the quests that order the destruction of snuggly kitty cats you will miss valuable experience points and better gear. The spiders and snakes you face may not be evil, but they sure as heck are in your way. Your way is the only way that matters after all.

So lets take just a moment to think back on all the woodland creatures that have been felled by our blades, burned by our magic and maimed by our lutes. When the day is won and we stand on the battle grounds of Mordor, let us not forget the noble creatures who gave their lives so that we could grow to be true champions. Here's to you woodland creatures, big and small, your sacrifice was the greatest of all.

You laughed too, admit it.


Zodiac Eclipse,
 Follow Blog + disclosure ZodiacEclipse

This blog submitted to our editor via our Community Blogs, and then it made it to the home page! You can follow community members and vote up their blogs - support each other so we can promote a more diverse and deep content mix on our home page.



 Setup email comments

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our moderators, and flag the user (we will ban users dishing bad karma). Can't see comments? Apps like Avast or browser extensions can cause it. You can fix it by adding *.disqus.com to your whitelists.

 Quickposts
Status updates from C-bloggers

gajknight avatargajknight
If you spend 10 minutes trying to write a Quickpost...can it really be called Quickpost?
Mike Wallace avatarMike Wallace
So I have enough coins to get a new character in Heroes of the Storm. I like big portly characters like the Butcher or Stitches, but I did enjoy my free week of Tychus. Crowd thoughts?
GoofierBrute avatarGoofierBrute
Today I learned that Bad Rats 2 is a thing that is happening. I don't know how to feel about this.
techsupport avatartechsupport
The temp agency that employs me had me work as a sign spinner today. As in, I held a six foot cardboard arrow-shaped sign and spun it and danced for six hours. It got interesting when a homeless couple confronted me about hogging their spot.
Rad Party God avatarRad Party God
V days until !
Snaveage avatarSnaveage
5ish hours into Phantom Pain and it is absolutely glorious. This is truly A Hideo Kojima game.
Robo Panda Z avatarRobo Panda Z
It looks like my job at PAX didn't work out (For a variety of reasons). Have fun at the convention, everyone! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdqoNKCCt7A
thelivinglegend avatarthelivinglegend
Witches of Crookback Bog from Witcher 3 is the best quest in the whole game and of any game I've played in recent memory.
Pixie The Fairy avatarPixie The Fairy
I was just accosted by the most gorgeous cosmetics saleswoman with an adorable Hatian-Creole accent. It's not often my attention gets that immersed in a total bullshit sales pitch. Well, that and I didn't want her to let go of my arm.
Cosmonstropolis avatarCosmonstropolis
My son just washed my Majora's Mask NEW 3DS because the screen was dirty. Bahahaha *cries uncontrollably*
Flegma avatarFlegma
Ever thought of skipping a console generation (and not upgrading PC for years, either) because of how big your pile of shame is? I'm doing that just now.
Tenzan  avatarTenzan
Apparently there are cancellations on the CE versions of MGSV:TTP from Europe and North America. People getting emails saying they are cancelled and such. On top of that is that there's been unboxings that don't have the extras for the Day One edition.
OverlordZetta avatarOverlordZetta
I've been mad at myself all morning for missing the apostrophe in "I'll" on my Quickpost last night, but it turns out that apostrophes just don't show up on the feed! Isn't that the bee's knees?
Perro avatarPerro
Playing through Skies of Arcadia Legends right now. Bringing this to Steam or current gen in HD seems like a no-brainer. Make it so, Sega!
Kris S avatarKris S
Fassbender looks awesome. A not shit game adaption? We will see
Nathan D avatarNathan D
Just found out that Third Impact in The End of Evangelion took place on my birthday. I'm freaking out right now.
Jiraya avatarJiraya
Man at Arms did the Geralt Witcher's Swords ! [youtube]https://youtu.be/HJZekaPAd_M[/youtube]
StriderHoang avatarStriderHoang
3:16 MIKA, DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE BOW IS COOKING?
Virtua Kazama avatarVirtua Kazama
Welcome back to Street Fighter, Rainbow Mika! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbDSvRMc9rQ
pixelrock avatarpixelrock
Jumpy Wall, my first game, is coming to the iOS App Store this September [img]http://i.imgur.com/oHAWJuC.gif?1[/img] See the trailer [youtube]https://youtu.be/Q1GKzQTiDtY[/youtube] or [url="http://jumpywall.com"]jumpywall.com[/url] for more.
more quickposts


Contest!


Seriously

Invert site colors

  Dark Theme
  Light Theme


Destructoid means family.
Living the dream, since 2006

Pssst. konami code + enter

modernmethod logo



Back to Top


We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -