[It's time for another Monthly Musing -- the monthly community blog theme that provides readers with a chance to get their articles and discussions printed on the frontpage. -- CTZ]
Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! BWEH! BWEH! BWEHHH!
No. This is sorcery -- a vile trick this land is playing on my mind. This is how the mariners of old were cascaded upon rocky shores, splayed out to bake in the ancient sun. I am no fool, I will follow this demon-spawn to its source and end this infernal nightmare.
When I grab the demon, its banshee wail changes to a cry of distress! It is alerting its master to my presence. Must be quick. The land rises against me, throwing obstacles in my way; I must be nearing its lair. Descending further into the inky black darkness, I must evade the armies of snow that surface. It is near. I hear the beast's forlorn call answering the babe's panicked screams.
When the two are united, they unleashed a bright hell- a gold flash seers my sleep-deprived eyes. "You cannot win!" I cry, holding the baby penguin aloft near the abyss. "I'll make sure no others are guided into your den!"
In Super Mario 64, I would put up with the baby penguin just long enough to collect my reward and then, oopsidaisies! Off the level it would go. Its incessant whining was not only intolerable, but ungrateful. I'm only saving the world to get a slice of Peach's cake, after all, who are you to not only demand being saved, but complain about the process.